


take this burden

by incorrect19days



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: AU, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Bruises, Cuts, Daddy Kink, Drinking, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Las Vegas, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Past Abuse, Praise Kink, Scars, Slow Build, broken ribs, cigarette burns, established relationship zhan zhengxi/jian yi, takes place in America
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-10 18:23:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 57
Words: 66,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10444236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incorrect19days/pseuds/incorrect19days
Summary: He Tian’s chest tightened at the soft, unmistakable, sound of someone trying to control their breathing.Trying not to cry.‘I really want to ask you if you’re alright.’The response was a barely audible, broken, whisper.‘Please don’t.’





	1. 1

He Tian was walking home from, what felt like, the longest shift anyone had ever worked.

His back and feet ached.

His head was pounding.

He could still hear the awful pop music bouncing around in his skull and see the colorful lights on the edges of his vision.

He froze at the sound of voices from nearby.

For an hour or so after work, it was hard to tell what he was actually hearing after so many hours around bass-heavy music that just…didn’t need to be that loud.

The sound of raised voices threw him right back into bouncer-mode.

His tendency to get in the middle of things that were absolutely none of his business had caused nothing but trouble.

He stopped outside of the entrance of the alleyway that carried the voices like a microphone in the relative silence.

‘You stupid little bitch, what the fuck were you thinking?’

The voice was attached to someone who was clearly inebriated.

‘I’m sorry, I-’

The second voice was soft, laden with fearful reason.

‘Shut the fuck up, I don’t give a fuck what you have to say.’

‘I don’t-’

‘You were fucking flirting with him, did you think I wouldn’t hear you?’

‘I was just ordering a drink.’

He Tian cringed at the defiant tone.

That would only make it worse.

‘You were flirting with him, you stupid slut.’

‘I wasn’t, I- ah!’

The unmistakable sound of someone’s head hitting a brick wall.

He told himself to walk away.

This wasn’t his business.

He didn’t always need to be the hero.

‘I should beat the shit out of you right now. Maybe that would teach you a lesson.’

He Tian could walk away right now.

Go home, drink a beer, take a shower, and catch up on sleep.

That’s all he’d been thinking about all day.

‘Please stop…’ the soft voice begged.

‘Oh, fuck you.’

The, equally unmistakable, sound of bones connecting with bones, cushioned by nothing but a thin layer of flesh reached his ears.

God damn it.

‘Please-’

The desperation in the softer voice did him in.

‘Everything ok here?’ He asked in his best this-fight-is-over voice.

‘Who the fuck are you?’

Knowing there was no good answer for this, he lied.

‘Officer He. Checking on a noise complaint.

If this asshole was smart, he’d leave now.

‘Oh please. They don’t hire people like you to be cops.’

People like him, huh?

‘Sir, this is the only warning in giving you. Move along.’

The man scoffed.

‘Come on, Mo Guan Shan.’

He Tian pulled his phone from his pocket sending a quick text, and stepped between the man on his feet and the man crumpled against the wall.

‘Why don’t you go on alone. I’ll make sure he gets home safe.’

‘Fuck off, you fucking-’

God, what a douche.

He Tian knocked his arm away when the man lunged forward to hit him, grabbing his wrist and spinning him around and slamming him against the wall.

‘Look, you stupid little bitch, you need back the fuck up.’

The man scoffed as best he could with his face pressed against the rough brick.

‘You’re not a fucking cop.’

He Tian laughed, leaning in to whisper in his ear, pushing his arm half an inch farther up his back.

‘You’re right, I’m not.’

‘That’s what I-’

‘And you should be really happy about that.’

The man struggled in his grasp.

‘Because,’ he continued, tightening his fingers around the man’s wrist. ‘If I was, this would be unethical.’

The man cried out in pain and He Tian tried to refrain from smirking.

‘You ok?’ He asked over his shoulder, getting no response.

He looked to the mouth of the alley expectantly, finding it as calm and dark as it had been since he’d entered it.

Take your time, man. Shit.

‘Let me go, fuck-’

‘You seem pretty tough, buddy. Tell me how much pressure it take to break someone’s arm like this.’

‘You wouldn’t fucking dare.’

Finally, flashing lights and an obnoxious siren pulled up a few feet away.

The man froze.

He Tian laughed, yanking his arm up just enough to make sure it would hurt to perform daily activities for the next few weeks.

He waited until the officer was standing a foot or so away and taking a step back, giving into that urge to smirk when the asshole fell to his knees.

‘What’s going on here, gentlemen?’

He Tian backed away slowly.

‘I found him like this, officer. I heard yelling and just wanted to make sure everything was ok.’

Zhengxi, in his ridiculous uniform, rolled his eyes, turned around, and pointed his flashlight on the man sitting on the ground.

‘Is that true sir?’ He asked, getting down on one knee to handcuff the kneeling man.

The man, bleeding from the lip, a nasty bruise forming under his eye, glanced at He Tian.

He nodded.

‘Y-yes.’

Zhengxi nodded seriously, yanking the cuffed man to his feet.

‘You got this?’ He asked He Tian quietly.

More nodding.

‘I’ll send Jian Yi over in a bit. I’ll keep you updated.’

‘Thank you.’

He Tian squeezed the officer’s shoulder as he passed, reciting the speech He Tian had helped him memorize months ago.

He Tian slowly approached the bleeding man, extending a hand and helping him up.

‘What is this?’ He asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘Vigilante justice?’

‘Something like that.’


	2. Chapter 2

So do you want me to give you a lift home? Do you have a car around here?’

He shook his head ‘Oh, um…I actually live with…’

‘The asshole?’

The red haired man nodded, watching the police car pull away.

‘What about a friend’s house? Family?’

‘I don’t have anyone here. It’s fine, I can just go hang out at my work or something.’

He Tian raised his eyebrows.

‘Why don’t you come home with me. We’ll get you cleaned up and figure it out from there.’

‘Why?’

‘Because your face is all fucked up and I don’t want to leave you just wondering the streets.’

‘No, I mean why are you helping me?’

‘You know, I’m not entirely sure.’

That answer seemed to satisfy him.

‘Yeah, alright.’

They walked in silence for roughly 20 minutes, He Tian waiting for him to talk first.

He didn’t.

He Tian let them into the apartment and turned on the light.

‘Why don’t you go sit down, I’ll grab the kit.’

The man nodded, walking across the small room and perching on the edge of the old, tattered, couch.

Grabbing the first aid kit from the bathroom, He Tian detoured through the kitchen, grabbing a few drinks and joining the man in the living room.

He gratefully accepted the beer, taking a long drink and holding the cold bottle against his sore cheek.

He Tian motioned for him to move his hands and surveyed the damage before popping the lid of the plastic box and pulling out some antiseptic wipes.

‘This is going to sting a little.’ The man nodded, wincing as his lip was cleaned carefully.

He tossed the wipe onto the coffee table before tearing a new one open and moving on to the split skin on his cheekbone.

‘I’m going to bandage this for now, but it might need stitches. Jian Yi will check it when he gets here.’

‘And that is…’

‘My friend, he’s an EMT.’

The man nodded.

‘How did that cop know we were there? You said there was a noise complaint?’

‘I sent him a text.’

‘You can text the police here?’

‘He’s a friend.’

‘You seem to have pretty useful friends.’

He Tian laughed, handing him a package of ibuprofen.

‘Just the two.’

The man swallowed the tablets as He Tian’s phone chimed.

‘What’s your name?’ He Tian asked, realize he’d forgotten to ask until he got a text from Zhengxi.

‘Mo Guan Shan.’

The phone went off again.

‘Do you want to go down to the station and answer some questions in a bit?’

‘Do I have a choice?’

He Tian typed out a text, waiting impatiently for Zhengxi to finish typing as slowly as he possibly could.

‘I can just ask his questions here and give him your answers if you want.’

‘That’d be better.’

Zhengxi’s texts came rolling in and they got started.

‘Do you want to press charges against this guy?’

He shook his head quickly.

‘Why not? He Tian asked, surprised for some reason.

The redhead avoided eye contact.

‘I’m sure he’ll calm down by the time he gets home and sobers up.’

He Tian sighed.

He’d seen this so many times.

So. Many. Times.

‘Right… how long have you been with this dude?’

‘Six months or so.’

‘How did you meet?’

‘At a party.’

‘So you saw that dude and thought to yourself…yeah that’s the one. That guy?’

‘I guess…’

‘Was it dark or something?’

Mo Guan Shan raised his eyebrows.

‘I’ve never filled out a police report before, but this seems odd.’

‘Sorry. I was taking some artistic liberties. Let’s move on.’

‘Please.’

‘Has this happened before?’

The man hesitated and nodded, looking down at his lap.

‘Does it happen often?’

‘Only when-’ He began.

‘…he’s drunk?.’ He Tian finished.

Mo Guan Shan shifted in his seat

‘He’s really not-’

‘A bad guy?’ He guessed, becoming more frustrated by the second.

No response.

‘You do know this is not ok, right?’

‘Can we just finish the questions please?’ Mo Guan Shan asked softly.

‘Yeah, sorry. Have you ever considered having him murdered?’

‘You’re not even pretending to read the questions anymore.’

‘Ok, fine. So, you’ve been living with him?’

‘Yeah.’

‘For how long?’

‘Two months.’

‘Are you on the lease?’

‘No, it’s his place.’

‘And you don’t have anywhere else to stay?’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

‘You know about his arrest record, right?’

‘…no.’

‘Three accounts of public intoxication, two of drunk and disorderly, and two for assault… how the fuck is he not in jail?!’

‘His dad is an attorney.’

‘Of course he is.’

‘Are we almost done with this?’

He Tian looked down at his screen.

Fifteen more questions.

‘Yep, all done.’

Mo Guan Shan drained the remainder of the beer, leaning back on the cushions.

‘Thank god.’

‘So…where are you going to go?’

‘I’ll get a motel room, I guess.’

Before he could stop himself.

‘You can crash here.’

‘Do you do this for damsel in distress you come across?’

He Tian huffed out a laugh.

‘I’d be running my own motel if that was the case.’

‘Why are you being so nice to me?’

The doorbell rang. Six times, because Jian Yi is an asshole, and Mo Guan Shan nearly jumped out of his skin.

‘Stay here tonight. You can have my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch and in the morning I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Ok?’

The man looked at him, lip swollen, blood welling up under the bandage under his eye.

‘Ok.’


	3. Chapter 3

He Tian let Jian Yi in.

‘Zhengxi called me. What’s going on?’

‘I think he might need stitches.’

Jian Yi walked around him and into the living room, taking his place on the couch and setting his, much more helpful, first aid kit on the table and pulled on a pair of gloves.

‘So, what happened?’

‘Well…’ He Tian started.

‘Not you, He Tian.’

Before he could start an argument, his phone rang.

Zhengxi.

He glared in Jian Yi’s direction   
for a moment before stepping out onto the porch to be yelled at about his half-assed job of getting any legitimate answers.

Jian Yi waited until He Tian slid the door closed behind them.

‘So…?’ He prompted, peeling off the bloody bandage.

‘There was…an altercation.’

Jian Yi suppressed a smile.

‘An altercation, of course.’

Mo Guan Shan didn’t respond.

He had no idea how to talk to these people.

‘We don’t have to talk about it, don’t look so miserable.’

Mo Guan Shan sighed in relief.

‘Thanks.’

He didn’t know if he could do that again tonight.  
Jian Yi clicked his tongue.

‘This needs stitches.’

God damn it.

‘Can I just use superglue or something?’

He REALLY didn’t want to go to the hospital tonight.

Jian Yi did smile this time.

‘Technically, yes. But I can just do it for you here if you want.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

Jian Yi stood, walking to the glass door and catching He Tian’s attention without dirtying his gloves, and pointing in the direction of, what Mo Guan Shan assumed was, the bathroom.

He instructed Mo Guan Shan to grab some beers.

He Tian lit a cigarette, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder and waving him away dismissively, rolling his eyes at the phone.

The fluorescents in the small bathroom made his head pound.

‘Take a seat on the counter.’

Mo Guan Shan sat on the uncomfortably cold tile, feeling very childish all the sudden.

‘Does it hurt?’ Jian Yi asked.

His voice was soft and calming.

He’d later learn that was not always the case and he’d been written up at work once for his horrible bedside manner.

He shook his head.

‘Don’t lie. I can’t help you if you lie. There’s no need to put on a brave face right now.’

He stared down at the floor, embarrassed.

‘Yeah, it hurts a lot.’

‘Alright. I’m going to inject a little bit of numbing solution and we’ll check a few things while it settles.’

Jian Yi readied the needle.

‘This is going to sting like hell, but only for a few seconds.’

He closed his eyes as several small pokes from the needle did, in fact, sting like hell.

The man clicked the cap back on the syringe and sat it down on next to the sink before removing several items from the plastic case.

‘Look at me.’

He shined the flashlight in both of his eyes, checked his pulse, and took his temperature.

‘I don’t think you have a concussion, which is good news. Your heart rate is a little high though, so go ahead and take a few deep breaths for me.’

Roughly a minute passed while Mo Guan Shan tried to calm himself down.

‘Ready?’

‘Yeah.’

Jian Yi gently touched the swollen skin.

‘Can you feel that?’

‘Not really.’

He continued to take slow, deep, breaths while the man worked quickly and efficiently, stitching him up and applying a clean bandage.

‘Alright, good to go.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Sure thing. Like I said, you don’t have a concussion, but you probably shouldn’t drive for a few hours. Do you need a ride home?’

Clearly, this man hadn’t been given many details.

‘I’m just going to crash here, I think.’

Jian Yi looked surprised for a moment, but gained his composure quickly.

‘Good.’

‘What do I owe you?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘I don’t have much cash, but I can go to the hospital tomorrow and-’

‘Nope, nothing.’

‘No, really, I-’

‘Look, if i got paid every time i gave stitches in this apartment, I’d be a wealthy man.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Positive.’

‘Does he have roommates?’

‘No, he’s just an idiot.’

He slid off the counter.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Mo Guan Shan kept his voice low.

‘Shoot.’

‘Is he like…crazy?’

‘Who, He Tian?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You really did just meet him, huh?’

The redhead nodded.

‘Oh, definitely.’ The man assured him with a small smile.

‘…’

Jian Yi looked at him seriously, realizing he wasn’t entirely joking.

‘He Tian is a little bit on the crazy side, but he’s certainly never going to leave you needing stitches.’

‘How reassuring.’

‘There’s hardly enough time in the day to explain He Tian, but as long as you’re with him, you have nothing to be afraid of.’

Mo Guan Shan had many things he wanted to say to that, but the exhaustion that clouded his thoughts would only let him nod.

‘You should try and get some sleep. I’ll come back tomorrow to check up on you. If you’re supposed to go to work, take the day off. Doctor’s orders.’

Mo Guan Shan scoffed. Like it’s that easy.

‘I’ll try.’

‘I mean it. I can get you a note from one of the APs. Take the day. Rest. Ok?’

‘Ok.’ 

Mo Guan Shan felt like he’d been exceptionally agreeable tonight.

‘Any other questions?’

Just one.

‘Why are you all so…’

‘Crazy?’ Jian Yi asked with a wry smile.

‘Nice.’ Mo Guan Shan corrected.

For a split second, Jian Yi looked incredibly sad.

‘I don’t know the situation you’re in, and I don’t claim to be an expert on the matter, but I can tell you this much…’

Mo Guan Shan watched him expectantly while he gathered his thoughts.

‘The easiest thing you can do in this life is to lose faith. In the people around you and in yourself. And the hardest thing is to gain that back. After awhile it seems safe to assume someone would sooner hurt you than help you, and even then to wait for an ulterior motive. The world can be a nasty place and, if you let it, it will ruin you. The stupidest thing you could to right now is turn down the help being offered to you.’

He waited for Mo Guan Shan to respond, continuing when he didn’t.

‘The only thing I can tell you, with absolutely certainty, is that you’re not going back to him.’

They both turned as He Tian joined them, leaning against the doorframe.

‘I changed the sheets on the bed…’

‘Thank you.’ Mo Guan Shan said quietly, looking between them.

‘Do you want to lie down?’ He Tian asked.

Mo Guan Shan nodded, feeling the last few hours begin to catch up with him.

‘I’d like to shower, if that’s ok.’

Jian Yi told him to avoid getting his face wet, and that he’d be back to change the bandage in the morning.

They left him alone, closing the door to the bedroom.

He showered quickly, watching the water swirl down the drain long after it ran clear.

Leaving the steamy bathroom, he finished drying himself off and noticed the items laid out for him on the bed.

An ice pack with a cloth to wrap it in.

A soft, worn, shirt.

A pair of pajama pants.

An extra towel.

And his backpack he’d dropped somewhere.

And on the bedside table-

A bottle of beer.

A glass of ice water.

Two pain pills.

And a note, scrawled in messy handwriting with a phone number at the bottom.

‘I’m right outside if you need…anything.’

In front of ‘anything’ he’d scratched out ‘me.’

He changed into the unfamiliar clothes, and sank onto the unfamiliar bed, pulling his phone and charger from his bag and finding an outlet.

He drank most of the beer, messing with his phone for a bit, trying to relax as he listened to the muffled sounds of voices from the living room and the swinging and clicking of the door as the uniformed man left.

He positioned the ice pack on the pillow, resting his face on it gently.

After a few minutes of deliberation, he punched the number into his phone.

‘Thank you.’ He said again, over text this time.

‘You’re welcome.’


	4. Chapter 4

‘So, what’s up with this?’ Jian Yi asked He Tian as they heard the shower start.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He Tian, I just finished a 13 hour shift. I will not hesitate to punch you in your face.’

‘Wow, attitude. What did Zhengxi tell you?’

‘That you sent him a vague text telling him to where to meet you and giving him five minutes to get there. You haven’t actually told either of us what’s going on.’

He Tian sighed, feeling silly.

‘I was walking home and I stumbled across him getting his ass kicked by, i assume, his boyfriend.’

‘And you intervened.’

‘Of course I did, who wouldn’t?’

‘Most people.’

‘Yeah, well…’

‘Obviously, you did the right thing, but why didn’t you just leave it to Zhengxi when he got there.’

‘I genuinely have no idea. A moment of unforeseen heroism?’

‘Sure, we’ll call it that. What did Zhengxi say?’

‘That I have been of absolutely no help to him, and that I’m an asshole.’

‘So…just your daily conversation.’

‘Just about. He also said that they booked the guy for, yet another, count of public intoxication because Mo Guan Shan doesn’t want to press charges.’

‘Why not?’

‘He’s probably afraid of him.’

Jian Yi frowned.

‘That makes sense. And this guy…’

‘She Li.’ He Tian filled in.

‘She Li didn’t say anything about you?’

‘Nope. I guess he’s just smart enough to realize if he does that, he’s going to end up facing the actual charge.’

‘Makes sense. What happens now?’

‘No idea, but you said it yourself, there’s no way he’s going back to that.’

Jian Yi nodded, checking his watch.

‘God, it’s almost four. I’m going to head out…unless you need me here?’

‘Nah, it’s fine. Probably.’

Jian Yi chuckled.

‘Well, that’s probably not true.’

‘What’s your schedule like tomorrow?’ He Tian asked, ignoring the stab at his competence.

‘I have the day off, by some cosmic mistake.’

‘And Zhengxi?’

‘He gets off in three hours but isn’t working tomorrow. If it wasn’t for you, we could potentially go one day without dealing with criminals or the injured.’

‘Boring.’

Jian Yi smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.  
‘Get some sleep, I’ll be back in the morning.’

-

Jian Yi didn’t live far. Five doors down, to be exact.

He sat his gear down by the door, kicking his shoes off and bending down to pet the dog.

‘I hope your day was better than mine.’

He told her, making his way to the kitchen.

If she could have talked, she would have told him about the squirrels that had been causing all kinds of havoc in the trees and the bird that had hung out on the window sill for awhile.

She wasn’t sure what kind of day he’d had, but it couldn’t possibly have been more stressful than hers.

He grabbed himself a drink and stripped his clothes dumping them in the washing machine and reminding himself, for once, not to start it until AFTER he showered.

Jian Yi tried not to even look at the bed on the way to the bathroom, knowing he’d be too tempted to lie down just for a second.

He turned the water on, as hot as he could handle it, and stepped in.

He thought about He Tian.

He wasn’t the type to ignore a fight, and felt almost obligated to break them up.

But he wasn’t the type to bring home the losing side like a lost kitten.

If it wasn’t for Jian Yi and Zhengxi, he’d never spend time with anyone, save for the occasional one night stand.

Even then, they never stayed the night.

He’d even gone so far as to give this dude his bed, with no apparent plans to sleep with him.

He must be missing something here.

Jian Yi stepped out of the shower, drying himself off and finding comfortable to wear and going back to the kitchen to make food.

-

An hour later, Zhengxi and Jian Yi curled up in bed, exhausted.

Zhengxi told him about She Li. The charges against him, the fact that he’d be spending the night in the drunk tank but they’d be releasing him in the morning.

‘This is going to be interesting.’ Jian Yi stated. 

Zhengxi scoffed.

‘To say the least.’


	5. Chapter 5

He Tian woke with a start, confused as to why he was on the couch.

Without a second’s thought, he crossed the the room and opened his bedroom door.

The memories came flooding back when he saw the red-haired man standing next to the bed, shirtless.

‘Shit, sorry..’

He trailed off, taken aback.

His ribs were peppered with dark and fading bruises.

‘Jesus Christ, dude.’ He Tian whispered.

Mo Guan closed his eyes.

‘Can you close the door, please?’ His voice was soft.

He Tian pulled the door shut quickly, leaning back against it for a moment, fighting back a sudden surge of rage and forcing himself to return to the living room.

Mo Guan Shan stepped out of the room a few minutes later, dressed in his clothes from last night.

His shirt was streaked with blood.

His jeans were filthy.

Oh, come on.

‘Borrow something of mine, let me wash your clothes.’

‘I’m-’

‘No.’

He Tian’s words must have packed enough finality, because Mo Guan Shan simply turned around and shut the door behind him once more, emerging iHe Tian’s clothes.

He wore a pair of his worn jeans and his favorite shirt.

An old, black, v-neck with ‘shutup’ printed in light gray on the front.

He was holding the bundle of his own clothes under his arm, passing them to He Tian who tossed them into the washer.

‘Are you hungry?’

They hadn’t made eye contact since Mo Guan Shan left the room.

There were too many things to say and not enough tact between them to say any of it.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

‘When was the last time you ate?’ He Tian asked.

‘What the fuck do you care?’ Mo Guan Shan snapped.

He Tian was taken aback.

‘I suppose I don’t.’

Mo Guan Shan winced.

He Tian looked at him for a moment.

‘Jian Yi is going to be here in a few to check your bandage and Zhengxi to ask you a few questions. Apparently, I didn’t do well.’

The redhead nodded.

He Tian had no idea what to say, so he walked away, turning on the tv and placing the remote on the table.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t move as He Tian walked into the kitchen.

He took a deep breath and told himself to stop being an asshole before joining He Tian.

‘I’m sorry, I-’ Mo Guan Shan started.

‘It’s fine.’ He Tian assured him quickly.

Another long moment of silence.

They both turned when the front door opened.

Jian Yi held his large first aid kit.

Zhengxi held a case of beer.

They looked very different in regular clothes.

Not that he’d gotten a good look at Zhengxi.

They were both obnoxiously handsome.

Adding He Tian into the mix was honestly frustrating.

‘Let’s do this shit.’

Jian Yi grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him back into the bathroom.

He peeled the bandage off slowly.

‘How’s it feel?’

‘Sore.’

‘I bet.’

Jian Yi gave him a few more little pills.

‘These are a bit stronger, the day after is always the worst.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded, washing them down with some water from the sink.

‘How’s this…’ He gestured from Mo Guan Shan and towards the living room. ‘Going so far?’

‘I’m not sure. I’m still incredibly confused.’

Jian Yi nodded thoughtfully.

‘Yeah, that doesn’t stop.’

‘You know, very little of what you say is reassuring, right?’

‘I’m off the clock, buddy. Plus, would you rather I lie to you?’

‘Good point.’

-

He Tian and Zhengxi stood in the kitchen.

‘So, did you fuck him?’

He Tian choked on his drink.

‘What the hell kind of question is that?’

Zhengxi raised his eyebrows.

‘One I’ve asked you dozens of times in the last year alone.’

He Tian considered that for a moment, shrugging.

‘No. I didn’t.’

‘Is that not what all this is about?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘This is ridiculous. Can I get some more details please?’

‘I don’t have any.’

‘I do not understand you.’

‘You’re not alone in that.’

-

A few minutes later, they all sat in on various pieces of furniture around the tv.

Zhengxi was asking Mo Guan Shan about the night before.

He Tian and Jian Yi were playing a drinking game, taking a drink every time one of them rolled their eyes or sighed.

‘Zhengxi, take a day off, for fuck’s sake!’ Jian Yi exclaimed, handing the two of them their own drinks.

Mo Guan Shan was beginning to feel the effects of the painkillers he’d taken

—.

*disclaimer- NEVER mix prescription pain pills with alcohol. It is incredibly bad for you. DO NOT DO IT.*

—

They both sighed.

He Tian and Jian Yi drank.

‘Ok. Let’s get this last part out of the way.’ Jian Yi addressed Mo Guan Shan. ‘What’s your plan.’

‘I… don’t know. I don’t have anywhere to go.’ He admitted, embarrassed.

Zhengxi and Jian Yi exchanged a glance.

‘We have an extra room. You can stay with us.’

Mo Guan Shan hesitated, flicking his gaze to He Tian.

He shrugged.

‘Y-yeah… that would be really nice, thank you.’

‘Do you have anything at your old place you need to get?’

‘Just my clothes.’

‘I’ll go with you.’ He Tian volunteered.

‘No.’ Zhengxi’s voice was firm. ‘You will not. I will, though.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘Now?’ Zhengxi asked.

Mo Guan Shan hesitated, looking away.

‘You don’t need to be scared. He isn’t going to fuck with you with a cop there.’’ Jian Yi assured him.

‘Fuck it. Let’s do it.’

All three nodded approvingly.

-

Zhengxi told Jian Yi and He Tian not to get drunk while they were gone, and went home to change into his uniform. 

They took his cruiser across town.

Mo Guan Shan’s hands shook as he unlocked the door.

Zhengxi had called the station on their way there.

All they knew was that She Li had left a few hours before.

Their collective fears were realized when they found the man in question standing in the doorway.

His face contorted in rage when he laid eyes on Mo Guan Shan.

He froze when Zhengxi walked around him, hand on the gun at his hip.

‘Get your shit.’ Zhengxi instructed, not taking his eyes off the dickface in the foyer.

As quickly as he could, Mo Guan Shan gathered his few belongings.

He heard Zhengxi’s voice from the other room, but couldn’t make out what he was saying.

-

‘Look, kid, he is leaving. If you come looking for him, if I hear you were anywhere within 500 yards of him, you’re going to really wish it was me you were dealing with.

She Li’s eyes flicked to Mo Guan Shan as he exited the bedroom.

‘Eyes on the ground.’ Zhengxi growled.

He complied.

‘Ready?’ He asked Mo Guan Shan.

He nodded, keeping his eyes on Zhengxi as he walked past his abuser.

They made it to the car, and halfway down the block, before Mo Guan Shan doubled over, body wracked with sobs.

‘You did great, Mo Guan Shan. You were very, very, strong. He won’t be bothering you again.’

‘You don’t know that.’ The man whispered breathlessly.

‘You’re right.’ He admitted, continuing.

‘But if he does, you have a police officer, an EMT, and a man who knows a frightening amount of medieval torture techniques behind you.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed bitterly.

They pulled into the parking lot.

‘Get it together, kid. If you go upstairs crying you’re going to get a physical exam and we’ll all have to listen to He Tian spew his anti-hero nonsense.’

Mo Guan Shan looked up at the officer.

Behind his stern expression, his eyes were gentle and worried.

Unthinkingly, Mo Guan Shan lunged forward, throwing his arms around the man’s shoulders, silently thanking the last member of the odd trio that had saved his life.


	6. Chapter 6

Upon entering the apartment, Zhengxi and Mo Guan Shan learned that the other two had not followed Zhengxi’s instructions.

 

‘How’d that go?’ He Tian asked.

 

Mo Guan Shan dropped his bag of clothes on the couch.

 

‘Fuck yeah!’ Jian Yi exclaimed enthusiastically.

‘You can change now, I won’t be a dick this time.’ He Tian teased.

 

Mo Guan looked down at his current outfit with a small smile.

‘I can’t even promise you’ll be getting this shirt back.’ Mo Guan Shan deadpanned.

 

Jian Yi laughed loudly.

 

‘Good luck with that.’

 

He Tian returned his smile.

 

‘Let’s consider it a loan.’

 

Jian Yi pulled his phone from his pocket, finding his boyfriend in his recent texts.

 

‘Should we leave?’

 

Zhengxi deliberated for a moment.

 

‘Not yet.’

 

Jian Yi looked confused, but nodded, dropping his phone on the chair next to him.

 

Reading the room, Mo Guan Shan knew it was because of the excessive amount of drama he’d single-handedly brought into these people’s lives over the last 18 hours.

 

He grabbed a beer off the table, grabbing He Tian’s lighter from a few inches away and popped the bottle open.

 

Always a good party trick.

 

He Tian laughed.

 

‘I never could do that.’

 

‘It’s easy. Come here, I’ll show you

 

He Tian joined him on the couch, swiping his own bottle from the table.

 

Mo Guan Shan showed him where to put the edge of the plastic lighter and how to hold the bottle so it wouldn’t slip.

 

‘It’s a foolproof way to impress the ladies.’ He joked.

 

Jian Yi leaned back in the chair, putting his feet on Zhengxi’s lap and twisting the cap off his own bottle.

 

‘Yeah, ladies.’

 

He Tian glared at him, giving up on his task.

 

‘It’s ok, He Tian. It’s a valuable skill all around.’ Zhenxi comforted him.

 

‘Fuck you both.’ He Tian supplied, taking a long drink.

 

‘Is that what I have to look forward to here?’ Mo Guan Shan inquired.

 

This time, He Tian did spit out his mouthful of booze.

 

All over Zhengxi’s jeans.

 

‘Oh, you fuck.’

 

Jian Yi made no effort to contain his laughter.

 

Mo Guan Shan marveled at the chaos he’d caused with a simple joke.

 

These people were fascinating.

 

They polished off the case of beer in two hours or so, watching some terrible movie.

 

Mo Guan Shan had been more than happy to watch them interact, only speaking when asked questions.

 

He’d never seen three people more comfortable with each other.

 

‘Wanna see your new room?’ Jian Yi asked after awhile.

 

‘Sure.’

 

He Tian left the apartment last…barefoot.

 

‘You’re not wearing shoes?’

 

‘We’re not going far.’

 

He wasn’t lying.

 

Zhengxi and Jian Yi lived several doors down.

 

Mo Guan Shan smiled to himself.

 

He’d never admit how relieved he was to remain close to the dark haired man.

 

The apartment was incredibly cluttered compared to He Tian’s, covered floor to ceiling with art and knick knacks.

 

And a beautifully full bar.

 

His new room was incredibly small, but lovely.

 

The walls were painted a light blue, adorned with hand painted seashells.

 

The large bed sported an excessive amount of decorative pillows and a soft comforter a few shades darker than the walls.

 

There were shelves of frosted glass vases and more seashells.

 

There was a light yellow dresser with a large tv and a matching desk.

 

‘Please excuse the absurdity of this room.’ Zhengxi said as Jian Yi plopped down on the mattress.

 

‘No, it’s great.’ Mo Guan Shan’s sincerity must have come across in his tone.

 

Jian Yi beamed.

 

‘How much is rent?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, slightly worried by his lack of funds and terribly paying job.

‘You have to do all the dishes.’ Zhengxi informed him.’

 

‘…what?’

 

‘We make plenty to pay the rent.’

 

‘I can’t accept this for free.’ Mo Guan Shan insisted.

‘Of course you can.’

 

‘But-’

 

‘Arguing with Jian Yi is pointless. Trust me.’ He Tian piped up.

 

Jian Yi looked at Zhengxi.

 

‘Baby, can you get us some drinks?

 

Zhengxi turned, grabbing He Tian by the wrist and dragging him from the room and closing the door behind them.

 

‘Why?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, hating himself for the tears he was fighting back.

 

Jian Yi thought for a moment.

 

‘I’ve known He Tian for eight years. I’ve never so much have seen a single person he’s brought home.’

 

‘…ok.’

 

‘I’m serious. That sounds like an exaggeration, but I swear it’s true.’

 

‘I think I’m missing the point here.’

 

‘He brought you home. You slept in his bed. He brought Zhengxi and i both into the situation. Of his many, many, shirts you picked his favorite.’

 

Mo Guan Shan felt himself blush.

 

‘I still don’t understand.’

 

‘I don’t think he knows it yet, but he sees something in you. He feels something for you, and I’m quickly understanding why.’

 

Mo Guan Shan said nothing.

 

Jian Yi sighed.

 

‘If he is the unmovable object, I’m thinking you might be the unstoppable force.’

 

‘Oh, I’m the chosen one?’ He joked.

 

‘It certainly seems that way.’

 

The redhead scoffed.

 

‘Mo Guan Shan, I’ve been waiting for the final piece to this puzzle for eight years. I’m not letting you leave. Not until we see this through.’

 

‘What if I want to?’

 

‘Do you?

 

Mo Guan studied a colorful glass fish on the bedside table.

 

‘No.’

 

Jian Yi smiled.

 

The other men entered the room.

 

Zhengxi handed Jian Yi an absurd looking, bright pink, drink in a martini glass.

 

He Tian handed Mo Guan Shan a margarita.

 

‘I thought you might like this. It’s my favorite… and…’

 

He Tian looked as confused as Mo Guan Shan felt.

 

Mo Guan Shan took the drink, taking a sip and failing to repress his smile.

 

‘It’s…um…’

 

‘Say it.’ Jian Yi prompted quietly.

 

‘It’s my favorite too.’


	7. Chapter 7

Mo Guan Shan accepted the conditions, trying his best not to argue.

He Tian went back to his apartment to grab his clothes.

They decided to move the party to this apartment.

Jian Yi and Zhengxi went to the kitchen with the goal of making food.

The other two stayed in Mo Guan Shan’s new room.

He had his own small bathroom, decorated just as dramatically as the rest of the apartment.

He Tian sat on the edge of the bed as Mo Guan unpacked his things.

‘Is this weird for you?’ The redhead asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’ve known me for less than 48 hours and I’m moving in with your friends?’

He Tian considered that.

‘It probably should be, but it’s not.’

‘Not yet.’

‘Not yet.’ He Tian agreed.

‘Will you tell me if it starts to get weird?’

‘Sure.’

‘So, you live alone?’

‘Yep.’

‘No girlfriend that stays with you or anything?’

He Tian thought about the best way to respond to respond to that.

‘HE’S GAY AS FUCK!’ Jian Yi shouted from the other room.

That works.

He Tian smiled.

‘And that’s how I came out.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

At this point, Jian Yi and Zhengxi stood outside the door.

‘He’s not kidding.’ Zhengxi assured him. ‘It happened six years ago.’

‘He was taking too long.’ Jian Yi shrugged.

Zhengxi rolled his eyes.

‘There’s food now, come eat.’

They sat around the coffee table.

Jian Yi found a movie.

‘This look great, guys. Thank you.’

‘Thanks!’ Jian Yi exclaimed. ‘I made the salad.’

‘Nope.’ Zhengxi corrected.

‘I cut the carrots’

‘No.’

‘I washed the lettuce?’

‘There ya go.’

‘You made all of this?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, incredulously.

‘It’s nothing.’ Zhengxi’s face flushed.

‘He went to culinary school. He’s a fantastic cook.’ He Tian informed him.

‘So, this is kind of nothing compared to what he can do.’

‘If you don’t mind me asking, why are you a cop?’

Zhengxi pushed food around his plate.

‘It’s a long story.’

‘No it’s not.’ Jian Yi said around a mouthful of food.

He Tian sighed.

‘He joined the force because that was the safer bet.’

‘Yeah, it’s real fucking safe.’ Jian Yi grumbled.

Zhengxi stayed silent.

‘I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to bring up…’ Mo Guan Shan felt like he had caused nothing but trouble for these people.

‘It’s unavoidable.’ He Tian assured him.

‘They’ve been together for over a decade. There’s nothing you could possibly say that wouldn’t start some kind of argument.’

Jian Yi and Zhengxi couldn’t argue with that.

Breaking the silence as uncomfortably as possible, He Tian gestured towards Mo Guan Shan’s face.

‘Is the bruise supposed to be getting worse?’

Jian Yi stared at him for a few seconds.

‘Yeah. It’ll be even worse tomorrow.’

Mo Guan Shan raised his eyebrows.

Zhengxi sighed this time.

‘What he’s trying to say, is that it’s going to get worse before it gets better and it’ll start to fade in a few days.’

Jian Yi nodded in agreement.

‘Yeah, that.’

They finished their meal, drinks, and movie.

‘I’m heading to bed.’ Zhengxi announced. ‘I have to get up stupidly early.’

‘Boring!’ Jian Yi groaned.

‘You have to get up even earlier, idiot.’

‘You got me there.’ Jian Yi conceded.

‘Mo Guan Shan, do you work tomorrow?’ Zhengxi asked.

He’d put some thought into this.

‘I’m not entirely sure that I’m going back.’

‘Why not?’

‘Um…’

‘Oh, shit. You work there too, don’t you?’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

He Tian and Jian Yi looked confused.

‘I work with my…’

‘Ex?’ Jian Yi offered.

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘Well, obviously you’re not going back.’ He Tian huffed.

‘I can’t exactly be unemployed.’

‘Sure you can.’ Jian Yi told him. ‘You have somewhere to stay and plenty of time to start looking for something new. Oh! I almost forgot. Where did you park? I need to get you a sticker.’

‘I don’t have a car right now, I’m fine with-’

‘You can borrow mine. It mostly just sits in the carpark gathering dust. The keys are in the drawer by the sink. He Tian will show you which one it is.’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

‘You really don’t need to do all this for me.’

Jian Yi smiled.

Zhengxi shrugged.

And they walked away without a word, closing the door behind them.

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan stood in the living room in silence.

Mo Guan Shan checked his phone.

Nearly two.

‘Do you work tomorrow?’ He asked He Tian.

‘Not until six.’

‘…That’s in four hours.’

‘Six in the evening.’ He Tian corrected, laughing softly, unthinkingly following Mo Guan Shan into his room.

‘Tired?’ He asked.

The redhead nodded.

‘Yeah, I’m not sure why. It’s not like it’s been a busy day.’

He Tian studied his face in profile as he sat on the edge of the bed.

‘Do you…have everything you need?’ He Tian asked lamely, not knowing how to properly exit the situation.

‘Yeah, I’m good.’

He Tian nodded, turning to leave.

‘He Tian…’

Mo Guan Shan’s voice was so quiet, he wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it.

He turned back.

‘Will you stay?’

He Tian was shocked.

This seemed like a very odd time for a come on.

The look on Mo Guan Shan’s face conveyed no invitation.

He was scared.

Of course, he was.

Who wouldn’t be?

‘I’ll be right back.’

Mo Guan Shan watched him leave, feeling like an idiot and walking to the bathroom.

He stripped the jeans off, pulling a pair of pajama bottoms from his bag, opting to leave He Tian’s shirt on, telling himself he was doing it because it was soft and comfortable.

While that definitely was the case, he knew why.

He Tian did too, after this morning.

Mo Guan Shan was dreading the moment He Tian decided to bring that up.

If he came back.

He shouldn’t have said anything.

He barely knew this dude.

If anything, he’d just given him the wrong idea.

He just wanted to be alone…right?

That’s what he should be doing.

Focusing on getting his shit together.

Not making some virtual stranger stay the night with him because he didn’t want to be alone.

Fuck.

He brushed his teeth, thinking about all the levels on which this was stupid when the front door opened again.

He Tian entered the room again, dumping an arm full of blankets and one of the soft pillows Mo Guan Shan had slept on last night on the bed.

He pulled one free of the bundle, spreading it out on the floor, dropping the secondary blanket and pillow on top of it before turning on the stained glass lamp on the bedside table and pulled the chain on the ceiling light to turn it off and the second to turn the fan on.

It took Mo Guan Shan a few seconds to realize what he was doing.

He looked at the king-sized mattress.

‘He Tian, you can-’

‘No.’ He Tian assured him. ‘I can’t.’

‘But-’

‘No.’

Mo Guan Shan couldn’t decide if he was relieved or offended.

He settled with guilty.

‘I’m-’

‘Don’t.’

‘…what?’

‘Don’t apologize to me. You’re not sorry, and neither am I.’

Oh.

Mo Guan Shan walked past him, sliding into the soft, warm, bed.

‘Do you want me to close the door.’

‘Yes, please.’

He Tian pulled it closed slowly, settling down on the pallet he’d made for himself.

‘Light off?’

‘Also yes.’

They lie in the dark.

He Tian’s chest tightened at the soft, unmistakable, sound of someone trying to control their breathing.

Trying not to cry.

Eventually, He Tian whispered

‘I really want to ask you if you’re alright.’

The response was a barely audible.

‘Please don’t.’


	8. Chapter 8

Zhengxi woke first, as always, forcing himself to get out of bed.

Remembering their new roommate, and assuming he didn’t want to wake up at seven in the morning if it could be avoided, he tried his best to stay quiet as he started the coffee.

The door to the previous guest room creaked open slowly.

‘Early riser, huh?’ Zhengxi asked without turning around.

‘Not normally, no.’

The voice behind him belonged to He Tian.

This time he did turn.

‘You’re still here?’

‘Certainly seems that way.’

‘Why are you awake?’

‘I didn’t sleep well.’

‘… why?’

‘Because your floor is uncomfortable.’

‘You slept on the floor?’

‘You are just full of stupid questions this morning.’

‘So you didn't…’

‘Are you going to ask me that every day?’ He Tian asked, frustrated.

‘Only when there’s overwhelming evidence.’

‘Ok, detective. To answer your question, no, I did not.’

Zhengxi nodded, looking relieved.

‘Why do you even care?’ He Tian asked.

‘Because he’s clearly not ready for that.’

‘And how do you know that?’

‘He Tian…’

‘I understand that, Zhengxi. That’s why I slept on the floor. Though I still don’t see how that’s any of your business.’

‘What’s with your shitty attitude?’

He Tian looked away.

‘I’m sorry. I’m just in a weird mood.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘…do you?’

‘No, but Jian Yi is probably awake.’

He Tian snorted a laugh, pouring himself a cup of coffee and topping off Zhengxi’s travel mug.

‘Thank you for offering his services. Maybe later.’

Zhengxi took the mug from him.

‘Thanks. See you tonight?’

‘Yeah. I get off at two so…three-ish?’

‘Someone will be up, I’m sure.’

‘Cool. Go enforce the law or whatever it is you do all day.’

Zhengxi rolled his eyes and left the apartment.

-

When He Tian made his way back to Mo Guan Shan’s room, he found him sitting up in bed.

If he’d heard them talking in the kitchen, he didn’t bring it up.

He Tian sat his mug on the table next to the bed.

‘Good morning. Sorry if I woke you.’

‘It’s ok, I would have woken up soon regardless.’

Mo Guan Shan stretched his arms over his head without thinking and winced.

Anyone that knows He Tian would tell you that what he lacks in tact and kindness, he makes up for in sarcasm and fury.

And while that was all well and good, it didn’t give him the necessary people skills to deal with these types of situations.

He sat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath.

‘I know this isn’t my place, and I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it, but I think you should talk to Jian Yi.’

‘What, like a therapist?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, deflecting with a forced smile.

He Tian raised his eyebrows, glancing down at his bruised body.

‘I’m f-’

‘Don’t say you’re fine.’

‘Is that another thing I’m not allowed to say to you?’

‘Yes. Now, I’m going to go back to my place and take a shower. You don’t need to listen to me, and I won’t say anything if you don’t, but I know what bruising like that means.’

With that, he left.

-

A few minutes later, Mo Guan Shan stood outside Jian Yi’s bedroom door.

The stabbing pain from the deep breath he took for confidence convinced him to knock.

‘Come in.’ Jian Yi called.

He opened the door, stepping into the least absurd room of the house.

Jian Yi noticed him looking around at the, mostly, empty walls.

‘Zhengxi got to decorate this room. It was our agreement.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘So, what’s up.’

He hesitated.

‘I think I have a few broken ribs.’

‘You managed to break your ribs in the last five hours? Are you in a fight club or something?’

‘No, from the other night.’

‘Take your shirt off.’ Jian Yi demanded.

He pulled it over his head, tossing it onto the bed.

‘Jesus Christ, dude.’

‘Yeah, He Tian said the same thing.’

Jian Yi’s eyes snapped back to his face.

‘What?!’

Mo Guan Shan was taken aback by his alarmed expression.

‘Y-yeah…he walked in on me changing yesterday morning.’

Jian Yi was visibly relieved and dragged him to the bathroom to examine his ribs more closely, gingerly applying pressure in certain spots.

He thought about the snippets of conversation he’d heard from the kitchen.

These people were so weird.

‘It looks like you’ve got a few fractures here. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do but wrap them. Why didn’t you show me this the other night?’

‘It didn’t seem all that bad then. I didn’t want to be too dramatic.

Jian Yi sighed, closing his eyes.

‘That’s so stupid.’

He proceeded to tightly wrap his ribs and change the bandage on his cheek.

‘Any other injuries I should know about?’

‘No.’

‘Are you sure about that?’

‘…yes.’

‘If I were to see you naked, is there anything you wouldn’t want me to see?’

‘I mean…’

‘Other than your dick, you child.’

‘…’

‘Christ, you are difficult. If there’s something going on, you need to tell me. I promise I won’t tell the others if that’s what you’re worried about.’

He struggled to find the right response for this.

‘Nothing that needs stitches or anything.’

‘Show me.’

‘It’s not-’

‘You could have just said no.’ Jian Yi reminded him softly. ‘I would have pretended to believe you.’

Mo Guan Shan clenched his teeth, feeling like an idiot for saying anything, wondering why his subconscious sabotaged him every time he let his guard down, even the smallest amount.

‘Do you want to tell me now, or do you want me to bother you about it for several hours?’

‘Don’t you have to go to work?’

Jian Yi shook his head.

‘I gave the new girl my shift. She’s still hourly. It seemed like the right thing to do.’

‘So, you’re hungover?’

‘That I am.’

The redhead laughed.

‘Mo Guan Shan, I’m more than familiar with humor as a coping mechanism and avoidance tactic. It doesn’t work with me.’

Damn it.

‘And you’re not going to say anything?’ Mo Guan Shan asked pointlessly.

‘Not a word.’

More uncomfortable than he could ever recall feeling, Mo Guan Shan pulled his pajamas down his thighs and sliding onto the sink, to reveal his inner thigh.

Just a few inches higher than anyone would think to look.

Jian Yi sighed, sadly.

He grabbed the antiseptic, antibiotic cream, and bandages.

‘I can take care of the new ones and I have some cream I can put on the old ones to help them fade.’

Jian Yi’s hands were warm and gentle.

‘Alright, I’m done.’

Mo Guan Shan thanked him and stood, unable to meet his eyes as he pulled his pants up.

‘Mo Guan Shan, I know dishonesty isn’t the basis of a good friendship, but you can NOT let He Tian see those scars. Zhengxi can keep him out of trouble for the most part, but he can’t get him off a murder charge.’


	9. Chapter 9

Jian Yi packed up his equipment after sending Mo Guan Shan away, instructing him to get some rest.

His phone chimed on the bedside table.

A text from Zhengxi, filling him in on what he’d learned about Mo Guan Shan’s ex.

He wondered if He Tian had any idea at all what he was getting himself into here.

If any of them did.

The three of them, He Tian, Zhengxi, and Jian Yi, liked to play this game.

Every few months they would sit down and evaluate the way things have been recently.

Based on their collective experiences, they would decide what kind of movie they were at that point in their lives.

I’d become something of a ritual, and it was just about time to compare notes again.

(His money was on drama.)

-

Zhengxi was pulled aside by a coworker when he got to the station.

He’d asked her to keep him updated on the situation with She Li.

She’d asked him why he cared, he’d given some generic and clearly fake excuse and she’d dropped it.

They had his phone number, address and the like, as well as the information of the person that he’d been released to.

On the way to the station, he’d refused to talk to Zhengxi.

According to his coworkers, he’d kept that up through the night.

He’d said nothing but asked for his phone call.

He’d learned a bit about his previous arrest record the night they’d booked him, but they had more details now.

What it boils down to is, this guy is a huge piece of shit.

Grade A fucking asshole.

Charges for assault and battery.

Assault with a deadly weapon.

Public intoxication.

Drunk and disorderly.

Possession with intent to distribute.

Just as He Tian had said, his father was one of the top defense attorneys in the city.

Daddy’s money and the delusion of invincibility.

That explained his absurdly nice apartment.

Mo Guan Shan seemed like a smart dude.

How had be gotten caught up with someone like this?

According to He Tian, they’d met at a party.

He couldn’t quite place it, but there was something…off.

He was missing something.

He thought about the situation.

About He Tian.

The sensible thing to do would be to let it go.

Let the guy recover and move on.

Sweep it under the rug.

But, when he skimmed over the report again, he saw himself at the end of a long line of officers that had done exactly that.

God damn it.

(Crime?)

-

He Tian showered slowly.

Feeling uncomfortably unclean.

Took his time getting dressed.

Ate a frozen waffle that may or may not have had had freezer burn,

He’d realized when he got home that Mo Guan Shan had been given virtually no personal space since the moment they’d met.

He probably wanted to spend some time alone, especially if he’d gone to see Jian Yi and had his ribs fucked with.

Would he say anything if he did?

He’d asked He Tian to stay last night, sure.

But things were different at night.

The shadows are darker.

The sounds are louder.

The empty space is impossibly more lonely.

He checked the time.

Almost eleven.

Seven hours to kill.

(He couldn’t pin it down just yet.)


	10. Chapter 10

Mo Guan Shan accepted a few more painkillers from Jian Yi, who sent him on his way, telling him to get some more rest.

He went to his room, closing the door about three-quarters of the way, and splayed himself across the bed, incredibly sore.

The decor was really growing on him.

He hunted down the remote and flipped through channels before finding something decent for background noise and played around on his phone, wondering if He Tian was going to come back.

‘Are you hungry?’ Jian Yi called from the kitchen.

Mo Guan Shan forced himself to roll off the bed and join him.

Jian Yi was gathering ingredients for…pancakes?

‘Need a hand?’

‘Nope, sit. You’re never going to heal if you don’t spend some time relaxing.

Mo Guan Shan sighed, but relented, slowly sinking onto the couch.

‘What are your plans for the day?’

‘So, At the moment, my only plan is to make these pancakes without burning the building down.’

‘That’s a good one.’

Jian Yi nodded.

‘When did He Tian leave?’

‘When we were in your room,’

‘Is he coming back?’

‘I’m not sure.’

‘Do you want him to?’

Mo Guan Shan considered that.

He hadn’t been expecting that question.

‘I think so…’

‘So, text him.’

He considered that for even longer.

‘What if he doesn’t want to?’

‘I’m sure he does.’

‘Well, why isn’t he here?’

‘Maybe he thinks you want some space.’

‘Maybe he wants me to think that but doesn’t actually want to come back. I shouldn’t have asked him to stay the night.’

Jian Yi laughed good-naturedly.

‘Right there, you’ve officially over complicated He Tian.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, slightly defensive.

‘I mean, he doesn’t bother to think that many moves ahead. That would require he cared about the effect his actions have on other people.’

‘I can’t help but feel like the claims of his unpleasantness are slightly exaggerated.’

Jian Yi laughed again.

‘You might be the first person that has ever said that.’

‘He doesn’t seem to be like to you guys.’

‘It took nearly ten years of friendship for him to get to that point.’

‘How old is he?’

‘He turns twenty-nine in July.’

‘And you and Zhengxi?’

‘Zhengxi turned thirty last month, I turn twenty-nine in March. You?’

‘I’ll be twenty-eight in November.’

Jian Yi nodded thoughtfully.

‘I figured you were younger.’

‘I get that a lot. So, how did you all meet?’

‘I met Zhengxi when we were kids. We met He Tian when we moved here.’

‘You’re not from here?’

Jian Yi shook his head.

‘Zhengxi and I grew up in Detroit.’

‘Washington.’

‘How did you end up in Sin City?’

‘She Li. I met him in Seattle. He said he was there on business.’

‘When was that?’

‘Six months ago. How did you two end up here?’

‘Zhengxi wanted a change of scenery when he finished school.’

‘Culinary school?’

‘What did you go to school for?’

‘I was studying to be a paramedic. Still am. And you?’

‘Biology. What about He Tian?’

‘Nothing. He never went. He’s been a bouncer since we met.’

‘Does he like it?’

‘Seems to. He actually owns the club where he works.’

‘He owns it?’

‘Yep. It was a total shit hole when he bought it a few years ago. He basically rebuilt it from the ground up.’

‘I thought he was a bouncer.’’

‘Only because he wants to be. He has a few people that handle all the business part of things.’

‘He must make a decent amount of money…’

‘He does. Zhengxi does his taxes every year. He makes a lot more than he likes to admit.’

‘How much is the rent here?’

‘Way, way, more that it should be. That’s the price you pay for living on Fremont.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded as if he knew what the significance of that was.

‘God, you really are new here.’ He teased.

The front door open and Mo Guan Shan turned to look so quickly he could have pulled a muscle in his neck.

Zhengxi walked through the door.

He couldn’t fight the twinge of disappointment.

Embarrassed, he looked back to Jian Yi, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

Jian Yi simply raised his eyebrows, a small smile playing across his lips.

‘Shut up.’ Mo Guan Shan grumbled.

‘My lips are sealed.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sin city is the nickname for Las Vegas, Nevada. 
> 
> *Fremont stree is the second most famous street in Las Vegas, second to ‘the strip’


	11. Chapter 11

He Tian was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to put a finger on what it was he was feeling.

He checked his phone.

Two hours before work.

Under normal circumstances, he’d be down the hall with whoever was off work.

He didn’t want to be alone at the moment, and the only thing stopping him from seeking the company of his friends was an idea that he’d put in his own head.

How fucking stupid.

He opened his conversation with Jian Yi five times, considering texting him to ask if he was welcome.

Also stupid.

After this long, he knew there was no point that he was unwelcome.

Even when they got busy, he simply put his headphones in and retreated to the guest…into Mo Guan Shan’s room until they were done.

Still, he hesitated.

Every part of this, from two days ago until this very moment, decisions he’d made.

Fuck this.

He gathered his things for work.

Let himself out.

Locked the door.

And made his way down the hall.

When he opened the door, he was met with two familiar smiles and a look of, what almost seemed like relief.

He was surprised to see Zhengxi.

‘What, not enough crime in the city today?’

Zhengxi laughed.

‘I guess not.’

He sat on the couch, a few feet from Mo Guan Shan.

‘What’s up jerks?’ He asked the room.

‘Jian Yi didn’t burn the building down.’ Mo Guan Shan informed him.

Zhengxi smiled.

‘Always an accomplishment.’

‘Oh, god, did you let him cook?!’ He Tian demanded in sarcastic horror.

‘He didn’t leave me much of a choice, he won’t let me stand up.’

‘Why?’ Zhengxi asked, oblivious.

‘He has some broken ribs.’ Jian Yi told him.

‘Jesus, since yesterday? Are you in a fight club?’

‘Why is that the go-to question for the two of you?’

‘It’s his favorite movie.’ Jian Yi explained.

‘The book is better.’

‘Shut up, He Tian.’ The couple said in unison.

‘What’s your opinion on this?’ He Tian asked Mo Guan Shan.

‘They’re barely comparable. They’re so different-’

‘Right?!’ Jian Yi interrupted.

The four of them spent the next hour and a half comparing movies to their books.

‘I gotta split.’ He Tian told them.

‘Are you going to come back?’ Mo Guan Shan asked without thinking.

The other two went quiet.

‘Do you want me to?’

Without hesitation.

‘Yes.’

-

He Tian arrived at the club, following the manager around while she explained a bunch of useless things he didn’t pay attention to as he signed the papers she’d handed him.

They ended up in his office.

It had really become hers at this point.

‘Are you going to work the door?’

He considered that.

‘Isn’t the new guy doing that?’

‘Yeah, but I’m sure I can find something else for him.’

‘It’s all good. Let’s finish up here and I’ll just float around for awhile. I might be leaving early.’

‘…What?’

‘Why don’t you take the night off?’ He offered.

‘Again…what?’

‘Why don’t you go spend the evening with your boyfriend?’

‘Because we broke up six months ago.’

‘Really?’

‘No, I’m lying.’ Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

‘Just take the night.’ He insisted.

‘And do what?’

‘I don’t know. Find a date. Go see a movie. Go home and get a real night’s sleep for once in your life.’

She looked at his quizzically.

‘Or just hang out here. Have some drinks, dance. The paperwork can wait until Monday.’

‘What the hell happened to you? You’re leaving before we close? You want me to take the night off? Did you hit your head or something?’

Her voice was only slightly joking.

He shrugged, sick of answering that question.

‘Go before I change my mind.’ He said sternly.

‘Are you serious?’

‘Deadly.’

She watched him doubtfully.

‘If you say so. Call me when things fall apart.’

‘I will.’ He assured her. ‘Text me to let me know you get home safe.’

She shrugged, grabbing her purse.

‘Will do.’

-

He Tian finished up what paperwork he could before making rounds.

He worked behind the bar for a bit.

Checked in with security.

Talked to the new bouncer for a bit.

He ended up at the bar, watching the crowd, lost in thought, fighting the urge to leave until the second manager arrived.

He waited for her ‘home safe’ text and left at midnight, spending the shortest amount of time there he had since they’d opened.

Several employees met up when he did, wondering what the fuck was going on. 

He decided to walk home, ever grateful for his permanent parking spot and how close he lived.

-

He was shocked to find Mo Guan Shan sitting in the hall.

‘What on earth are you doing.’

‘They got a little handsy and I thought I’d leave before they started having sex on the couch.’

‘Yeah, they do that.’

A moment passed in silence.

‘Do you want to come over?’

Mo Guan Shan nodded, pushing himself to his feet.

He Tian wordlessly gestured towards the couch, as concerned about his ribs as Jian Yi was, but less tactful.

‘Beer?’ He asked, walking into the small kitchen.

‘Please.’

He grabbed two bottles from the fridge and joined him in the living room.

‘I thought you were working late?’

‘I left early.’

‘I guess you can do that, as the owner.’

He Tian looked away.

‘Jian Yi told you?’

‘Yeah, was he not supposed to?’

‘No, it’s fine.’

‘Well, how was it?’

‘It was fine. Nothing special.’

Mo Guan Shan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, having used his only prepared conversation topic.

‘Well, how was your evening?’ He Tian inquired.

‘It was ok. I mostly just watched them get drunk and argue.’

He Tian chuckled.

‘Was it interesting, at least?’

‘It really was.’

More awkward silence.

‘I’m not really sure what to say now.’ He Tian admitted.

‘Neither am I.’

‘Is it always like this? Trying to get to know someone.’

‘Not really.’

‘Oh. Ok.’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head, searching for words.

‘I don’t mean it like that. I mean, most of the time, when I get to know someone it’s all fake and forced and the majority of the time it doesn’t end up meaning anything.’

‘I don’t know what to say to that either.’

‘I’m doing so badly here. What I’m trying to say is, I’m so used to meeting such fake people and making no attempt to really get to know them or making friends…’

‘So, you’re trying to get to know me?’

Mo Guan Shan gave him a small smile.

‘Yeah, I suppose I am.’

‘Alright then, let’s play a game.’

‘What’s the game?’ Mo Guan Shan asked apprehensively.

‘We’ll take turns answering questions. No boring questions. No lying.’

‘Is it a drinking game?’

He Tian suppressed a smile.

‘Do want it to be a drinking game?’

‘Yeah, kinda.’

He Tian thought for a minute, giving in to the smile.

‘Alright. Any time you want to lie, take a drink.’

‘What if I don’t want to answer the question?’

He Tian stood, walking away.

He came back with a bottle of liquor and two shot glasses.

‘If you don’t want to answer, take a shot.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘Thank god I don’t have to work in the morning. Let’s do it. You start.’ 

Mo Guan Shan felt a little bit guilty for already knowing the answers to the questions he’d normally ask, despite how boring they were.

He Tian gathered his thoughts.

—

(He Tian’s questions are odd numbers. Mo Guan Shan’s are even.)

—

1.

‘How old are you?’

‘Twenty-eight.’

2.

‘Where were you born?’

‘Vegas, baby.’

3.

‘Where were YOU born?’

‘Washington.’

4.

‘Have you ever considered moving somewhere else?’

‘I used to. Before I bought the club.’

5.

‘Did you move here for your boyfriend?’

*Mo Guan Shan drinks*

‘Yes.’

6.

‘Are you seeing anyone?’

‘No.’

7.

‘Have you talked to your ex since the other night?’

‘No.’

8.

‘How many people have you slept with?’

He Tian glanced at the bottle on the table with a sigh, weighing his options, settling with a drink of beer.

‘Forty…ish.’

Mo Guan Shan tried not to look surprised.

9.

‘How many people have YOU slept with?’

‘Three.’

It was He Tian’s turn to force nonchalance.

10.

‘Were they all men?’

‘All but five.’

11.

‘Have you ever been with a woman?’

‘One.’

12.

‘How the hell did you get to forty? I don’t even know forty people.’

‘They tell me I’m a bit of a slut.’

‘Who tells you that?’

‘Only one question per turn.’ He Tian reminded him.

13.

‘How have you only gotten to three?’

‘I’m a serial monogamist, I suppose.’

14.

‘When was the last time you had a boyfriend or girlfriend?’

‘Thirteen years ago.’

Mo Guan Shan was stunned but kept his mouth shut.

15.

‘What has Jian Yi told you about me?’

Mo Guan Shan looked away, reaching for the bottle on the table and pouring himself a shot.

‘…Seriously?’

He laughed.

‘No, I just wanted to take a shot.’

‘So…’

‘Mostly that you’re a huge dick.’

‘I can’t argue with that.’

16.

‘Why did you help me, He Tian? Please don’t say you don’t know.’

*He Tian takes a drink.*

‘I…heard you two arguing. The way he talked to you. You sounded so…scared.’

His voice was soft and sincere.

Mo Guan Shan nodded, sensing it would be best to move on, despite his intense curiosity.

17.

‘Do you have any siblings?’

‘I have an older sister.’

He didn’t point out how boring that question was.

18.

‘Do you get in a lot of fights?’

He didn’t know how to ask that in a way that didn’t sound childish.

‘Not so much anymore.’

19.

‘What was your job? Most recently, I mean?’

‘I was a really bad bartender.’

20.

‘Was owning a club your career goal?’

‘Not even close.’

21.

‘What do you want to be?’

That question made him feel like a kid.

Like he should say astronaut or princess.

‘I wanted to be a scientist.’

22.

‘Are you…happy?’

‘What, like. In general?

‘Yes.’

‘Not really, no.’

23.

‘What do you want to do now?’

‘I have absolutely no idea.’

‘What about the-’

‘One question.’ Mo Guan Shan reminded him.

24.

‘Why are you friends with those two?’ He realized how shitty that sounded.

‘I don’t mean-’

‘I know what you mean.’ He Tian told him, formulating his answer.

‘I met them when they moved here. They were remarkably confused and lost. I took pity on them.’

His smile told Mo Guan Shan he was joking.

25.

‘Are you going to stay in Vegas? Now that you’re not with him?’

‘Honestly, I hated it here at first.’

‘That’s understandable. It’s not for everyone.’

There was an odd edge to He Tian’s tone that he couldn’t place.

He continued.

‘It’s starting to grow on me, though.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘One question.’

26.

‘Is it weird that I’ve moved in with your friends?’

‘You already asked me that.’

‘You could have lied then.’

He Tian nodded slowly, taking a drink.

‘A little bit.’

27.

‘It this weird for you?’

‘Which part?’

‘All the parts.’

‘Absolutely.’

He Tian poured them each a shot, telling him that their honesty had compromised the integrity of the game.

28.

Mo Guan Shan coughed as the tequila went down, forcing himself to voice his question.

‘Why wouldn’t you sleep on the bed last night?’

He Tian took a long drink, looking to the bottle on the table.

‘Because I don’t trust myself.’

29.

‘Why did you ask me to stay?’

‘I don’t know.’

He knew that sounded like a lie.

30.

‘Do you want a job?

Mo Guan Shan furrowed his brow.

‘Like…in general?’

‘At my club.’

He had several, very sound, arguments as to why that was a bad idea.

‘I’m a terrible bartender.’

‘I’m sure we can find a place for you.’

31.

‘Is this a bad idea?’

‘Absolutely.’


	12. Chapter 12

They watched each other in silence for a few long moments.

Mo Guan Shan’s phone rang.

‘Hey, Jian Yi.’

‘Where’d you disappear to? I thought you were in your room, but…’

‘I wanted to give you guys some space. I’m at He Tian’s.’

‘He’s off?’

‘Yep.’

‘You guys gonna come over?’

Mo Guan Shan turned the phone towards his shoulder.

‘Want to go over there?’ He asked He Tian.

He Tian shrugged.

‘Sure.’

‘Yeah, we’ll be right there.’

He hung up.

Mo Guan Shan stood.

He Tian hesitated.

‘Do you want me to…stay over?’

Mo Guan Shan looked slightly guilty

‘You don’t have to…’

‘I know.’

‘If you don’t mind…’ Mo Guan Shan looked away, embarrassed.

‘Of course not. I’ll meet you over there in a few minutes.’

Mo Guan shan nodded, walking to the door and letting himself out of the apartment.

He Tian showered quickly, brushed his teeth and changed into comfortable clothes.

He realized he’d left his blankets and pillow at the other apartment and smiled to himself as he fed the fish and turned the lights out.

-

He Tian entered the other apartment, finding them all on the couch.

He suddenly felt like something was missing

‘Where’s Bao?’ He asked.

‘With my sister. They went camping.’

‘Who’s Bao?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Our dog.’ Jian Yi informed him, pausing.’

‘Oh, shit, don’t hate dogs or something do you? I should have said something…’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘I love dogs. I’m slightly allergic, but I’ll just get some allergy medicine.’

Jian Yi beamed.

‘I knew I liked you.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘I’m glad.’

‘Do you have any pets back home or anything?’

His smile faded.

‘I have a cat…’

‘Back in Washington, or…?’

‘Yeah, I left him with my parents when I moved here.’

‘Do you miss him?’ Jian Yi asked.

‘Very much.’

‘Why didn’t you bring him with you?’

‘It just didn’t seem like a good idea. Things were so uncertain and cats are very difficult to travel with. Not to mention he’s a little bit…crazy.’

‘You should go get him!’ Jian Yi announced excitedly.

‘I can’t really just… go get him. I don’t even have a car.’

‘I told you that you could borrow our car.’ Jian Yi insisted.

‘Jian Yi, dial it back.’ Zhengxi chastised.

‘No. Mo Guan Shan, take the car and go get your cat.’

‘You…want a cat here?’

‘He’s trying to say he wants you to be happy.’ He Tian told him.

‘He’s just not very good at expressing that in a normal way.’

Mo Guan Shan looks between the three of them.

‘Would…would that really be ok?’

‘Of course.’ Zhengxi said softly.

‘And I can take your car on a twenty-four hours round trip and bring my crazy cat back here?’

‘Yes.’ Jian Yi and Zhengxi said together.

Mo Guan Shan looked to He Tian, who smiled and shrugged.

‘Yeah…alright. Thank you.’

‘When do you want to go?’ Zhengxi asked.

‘I’m not sure.’

‘Go tomorrow.’ Jian Yi told him.

‘You’re not working at the moment, so it’s as good a time as any.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded, coming around to the idea.

‘Yeah, alright. I can stay with my parents overnight and head back Tuesday.’

‘I’ll come with you if you want.’ He Tian offered on a whim.

‘To sit in the car for twelve hours each way and spend the night at my parent’s house?’

Zhengxi shot Jian Yi a hard look, nonverbally telling him to shut up before he could open his mouth.

‘Oh…yeah, that’d be nice.’

‘Alright, we’ll leave in the morning.’

Mo Guan Shan turned to Jian Yi, waiting for him to say something about how ridiculously out of character that was.

Jian Yi seemed too shocked to speak, but his eyes said it all.

Zhengxi checked his phone.

‘It’s almost three. You two should head to bed, get an early start.’

He Tian nodded.

Jian Yi dragged Mo Guan Shan to the kitchen, preparing snacks and some sandwiches for their trip.

‘I’m going to crash-’

‘Jian Yi set the air mattress up in Mo Guan Shan’s room.’ Zhengxi interrupted.

He Tian nodded, gratefully.

‘Do you think I’m being stupid?’ He asked quietly.

‘Stupid? No. I just want you to be careful.’

‘I’m not going to touch him.’ He Tian sighed.

‘Not with him, with you.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Deny it all you want, but this is uncharted territory for you. I’m just a little worried.’

‘Thank you.’ He Tian responded, knowing Zhengxi wasn’t looking to lecture him.

Zhengxi gave him a brief, tight, hug.

‘Just be careful with… yourself.’

He Tian nodded, hugging him back.

‘I will.’

-

Mo Guan Shan laughed in surprise when he saw the air mattress on the ground next to his bed, grabbing his pajamas and closing himself in the bathroom to change.

‘What’s this about?’ He asked, gesturing downward when he left the restroom.

‘They’re trying to make sure I don’t take advantage of you.’ He Tian explained.

‘That’s a shame.’

‘W-what?’ He Tian sputtered, nearly falling off the mattress as he tried to settle in.

The redhead smiled, an unfamiliar look in his eye.

‘We should get some sleep.’

He Tian nodded quickly, relieved when Mo Guan Shan turned the light off.

They both stared at the ceiling in perfect silence, save for the small fan in the corner of the room, for nearly half an hour.

‘Do you mind if I…’

Mo Guan Shan’s trailed off, but his tone of voice was unmistakeable.

He Tian’s blood ran cold.

‘It’s your room.’

The rustle of sheets and clothing made his breath catch in his throat.

The silence was broken with his steadily accelerating breaths.

‘C-can I…’ He Tian whispered desperately. 

‘Please do.’ Mo Guan Shan breathed.

Needing no further prompting, He Tian shoved his hand down the front of his pants, biting back a sigh of relief.

He focused on Mo Guan Shan’s breathing, wondering if he was doing the same.

The sound of Mo Guan Shan’s fingers scraping across the sheets had He Tian taking a fistful of his own sheets.

He Tian’s eyes adjusted to the dim lighting just enough to see Mo Guan Shan extend his hand over the mattress, fingers splayed.

On a whim, He Tian reached up, winding their fingers together.

Mo Guan Shan tightened his fingers almost painfully and nearly failed to bite back a groan, pushing He Tian over the edge instantly.

Roughly a minute passed before they released each other.

‘I-’ He Tian started, awkwardly convinced he should say something.

‘Don’t ruin it.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered.

They both cleaned themselves up in silence.

A few minutes later, Mo Guan Shan dropped his hand over the side of the bed again.

He Tian took it more gently now, rolling onto his side and holding their entwined hands to his chest.

Mo Guan Shan slept soundly that night.

His nightmares chased away by the warm fingers wrapped around his own.

By the heartbeat against the back of his hand.


	13. Chapter 13

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan woke up around ten.

The atmosphere in the room was odd.

Not bad, just…odd.

They both packed a change of clothes and the food Jian Yi had put together for them last night.

They’d decided to take He Tian’s car.

Walking through the parking lot, He Tian checked maps on his phone.

‘GPS says this is a 16 hour drive, not 12.’

‘Not when I’m driving, it’s not.’

He Tian blinked at him, surprised.

‘Oh, so you’re driving, huh?’

Mo Guan Shan raised an eyebrow, holding his hand out for the keys.

The dark haired man smirked, tossing him the keys, curious as to how this would go.

-

Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi watched from the balcony a few stories up.

‘Twenty bucks says they kill each other.’ Zhengxi quipped as they watched He Tian relinquish the keys to his beloved car.

‘I’ll take that bet.’

-

To say they drove in silence would carry a negative connotation.

He Tian, in another surprising act, had handed over the auxiliary cord for Mo Guan Shan to play his music.

He sat back and listened.

He remembered, years ago, Jian Yi telling him that if you care for someone, listen to their music.

Put your phone down, clear your mind, and listen.

He’d never heard most of the songs Mo Guan Shan played.

His playlist seamlessly flowed from song to song, each making him wonder what they made the man feel.

Mo Guan Shan drove like a maniac, weaving fluidly through the traffic of overwhelmed tourists.

They made record time out of the city, quickly reaching the, seemingly endless, expanse of desert.

It was a nice day.

One of the three of four they’d get that year, so they drove with the windows down.

After about an hour, He Tian turned the music up to hear over the wind and Mo Guan Shan seemed to remember he was in the car.

‘I’m sorry, do you want to play something?’ He asked, reaching to remove the jack from his phone.

‘No. I like this.’

Mo Guan Shan eyed him skeptically.

He Tian responded by turning the music up further, drowning out his possible protests.

Another hour passed.

Mo Guan Shan turned the music down.

‘Do you want to talk, or…’

Reading the atmosphere in the car, He Tian simply turned it back up.

They exchanged a small smile and continued on.

Two hours later, Mo Guan Shan pulled into one of the gas stations that quickly became few and far between.

He Tian stepped out, being closer to the pump, swiped his card and entered the necessary information before Mo Guan Shan exited the vehicle.

‘Need anything from inside?’ He Tian asked.  
The other man shook his head.

He Tian bought a few soft drinks, not knowing Mo Guan Shan’s preferences.

He slid back into the car.

Mo Guan Shan, already in the driver’s seat, handed him the cord, more insistent this time.

He Tian took it, carefully choosing a playlist as Mo Guan Shan gratefully accepted a drink.

They were both silently content with the relatively comfortable silence.

The sun began to set.

They’d been in the car for nine hours.

‘We should find a hotel for the night.’ He Tian suggested.

‘I’m fine to drive.’

‘I know.’

‘So, why…’

‘What’s the hurry?’

Mo Guan Shan contemplated that.

‘I suppose there isn’t one.’

He Tian searched nearby hotels on his phone and directed Mo Guan Shan to a place in the closest cities.

They pulled up in front of the hotel where a valet stood at the entrance to take their car.

Mo Guan Shan’s eyes widened.

‘I can’t afford to stay here, dude.’

‘I can, and I’d be getting the same kind of room regardless.’

‘I can’t let you pay for everything like this.’

‘Sure you can.’

Mo Guan Shan parked and He Tian pulled the keys from the ignition, exiting the car and handing them to the kid, slipping him a few bills in the unspoken agreement to find him a good spot.

Mo Guan Shan followed him inside helplessly, standing behind him uncomfortably as he checked them in, assuring the girl behind the counter that two double beds was fine.

They took the elevator to the top floor in silence.

He Tian let them in, dropping his bag on one of the beds and rooting through the mini fridge.  
Mo Guan Shan did the same, sitting down next to his.

‘When you said you’d come along, I didn’t expect…’

He Tian dug in his bag, shaking his head and making his way to the sliding door that led to the balcony, gesturing for Mo Guan Shan to follow.

He handed Mo Guan Shan a beer and offered him a cigarette.

He took them both with a murmur of thanks.

‘Mo Guan Shan…’ He Tian started, lighting their cigarettes in turn.

‘I have plenty of money, and I’ve spent the last few years painfully bored.’

‘Ok…’

‘The last few days with you have been anything boring. You could have rented a car, driven through the night, uand ended up at your parents house.’

‘Yeah…’

‘OR we could’ve taken my car and stayed the night in a nice hotel with room service and a pool.’

Mo Guan Shan looked at him expectantly.

‘So…’

‘Do your parents know you’re coming?’

‘No.’

He’d completely forgotten to call them, he realized.

‘So, let’s get drunk, go for a swim, order breakfast in the morning, and go from there.’

‘I didn’t bring a swimsuit.’ Was the only argument Mo Guan Shan could come up with.

‘Neither did I.’


	14. Chapter 14

He Tian shot Jian Yi a text telling him they’d stopped for the night, sending him the name of the hotel and the number for their room.

Jian Yi’s response was:

‘I just won twenty bucks.’

‘I leave for one night and you start gambling?’

‘Something like that.’

Mo Guan Shan watched in bemusement as He Tian called the front desk and ordered 14 beers.

The girl that had been tasked with that order brought it in two ice buckets.

He Tian tipped her enough to spend a day shopping and thanked her, leaving her in hallway in shock, wondering if she had to tell her manager or got to keep it all.

He Tian set the buckets on the floor, opening them both a drink.

‘Let’s go to the pool.’

‘I told you I don’t have a suit.’

‘So wear your boxers. If anyone comes to complain I’ll take care of it.’

‘What if there are other people down there?’

‘Then, god forbid, people we’ll never see again see your dick.

‘I don’t know…’

‘Shut up. We’re in vacation, act like it.’

’…’

‘There’s a hot tub…’

‘I’m in.’ Mo Guan Shan replied instantly.

‘God, you’re easy.’

They both smiled.

He Tian grabbed some towels and ushered him from the room.

The pool’s patio was mercifully empty.

He Tian sat the beers he’d brought on the edge of the pool, stripped, and lowered himself into the water with a groan.

Mo Guan Shan reached down to remove his shirt, stopping suddenly, remembering the situation under his shirt.

He Tian caught on quickly.

‘I can redo the wrap back in the room.’

Mo Guan Shan looked away.

He’d been thinking about the bruises.

‘I won’t look.’ The man in the pool promised, turning his back.

Mo Guan Shan took a deep breath, studying the muscles in He Tian’s shoulders as he submerged himself in the clear water, wishing he could be so comfortable in his skin.

Fuck it.

He undressed under the nearly nonexistent light of the new moon and joining him in the water a few feet away.

He Tian turned to look at him, his wet hair fell on his forehead, his dark eyes reflecting the gentle waves they caused.

He Tian studied him, breaking his promise.

The cool blue light from the pool leached the red from his hair and the brown from his eyes.

He seemed impossibly pale, the dark bruises in stark contrast.

Mo Guan Shan took a small step back, ashamed.

He Tian didn’t look away.

‘You are beautiful.’

Knowing He Tian wasn’t looking for an argument he whispered back.

‘So are you.’

He meant it.

Before they could take that any further, Mo Guan Shan splashed him.

He Tian stumbled back, wiping his eyes and spitting out the chlorinated water.

‘Oh, it’s like that, huh?’

‘Yeah, it’s like that.’ Mo Guan Shan informed him.

He Tian lunged for him, pushing him under the water.

Mo Guan Shan emerged, sputtering.

‘Asshole!’

He shoved him roughly, laughing as he lost his footing and went down.

He Tian grabbed him by the upper arm, pulling him close with the intention of dunking him again.

They froze, bodies pressed together, lips inches apart.

Mo Guan Shan let out a small sound of surprise.

He Tian released him, taking a step back and holding his hands up in mock surrender.

‘Truce.’

 

Mo Guan Shan looked away, embarrassed.

‘Truce.’ He agreed.

He Tian shook the hair from his face wading to the edge and grabbing them each a drink.

They leaned against the rough concrete.

‘It’s not-’ He Tian began, his tone heavy with the beginning of a serious conversation.

Mo Guan Shan pushed off the wall.

‘Later.’ He said softly, pulling himself out of the pool and making his way to the hot tub.

‘We’ll talk about this later.’

He Tian nodded, following him.

‘Alright.’

They sat in the warm water, working their way around the uncomfortable moment, enjoying the drinks, the warmth, the company.

Mo Guan Shan trying to will away his erection.

He Tian trying not to stare.

‘So, what’s it like to own a business?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘It can be a little stressful, but i’ve successfully hired people much better at dealing with things than I am.’

‘Well, that sounds like a good move.’

‘It’s gone well so far.’

‘If you don’t mind my asking, how did you afford it?’

‘The club?’

‘Yeah. It couldn’t have been cheap.’

'My parents, have money. I guess you could say I took out a loan.’

'It’s really impressive.’

'Borrowing money from my parents?’

'No, buying a business. Taking that risk.’

Oh…well, it’s hardly on the strip.’

'Don’t do that.’

'Don’t do what?’

'Downplay your accomplishments. Turn down compliments. I don’t buy that humble shit for a second.’

He Tian smiled, caught off guard. 

'Alright, then. Thank you, I put a lot into it.’

'That’s what Jian Yi told me.’

'He’s got you all clued in about me, doesn’t he?’ He Tian’s asked with smile. 

'He’s told me some.’

'But he didn’t tell you how we met?’

'From what you told me yesterday I assumed through work.’

'Well, you’re not wrong.’

'At your place?’  
He Tian took a drink, choosing his words carefully. 

'At his.’

Mo Guan Shan furrowed his brow, trying to make sense of that.

'Were you hurt?’

Something like that.’ 

He Tian looked like he was beginning to regret bringing it up.

Mo Guan Shan waited to see if he’d continue, not wanting to push him.

'When I met Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi, I was… an idiot. I did stupid things with stupid people. I got in too deep.’

'Drugs?’ 

He Tian nodded.

'A contributing factor.’

'Do you still…’

'God no. Never again. I mean, I still smoke pot from time to time.’

'Really?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, expression difficult to read.

'Yeah…sorry, is that weird? Should I not have said that?’

Mo Guan Shan smiled.

'It’s not weird, I do too. Don’t tell Zhan Zhengxi.’   
He whispered the last part conspiratorially.

'It’s ok, I get it from his boyfriend. You have NOT had fun until you’ve gotten high with Jian Yi.’

'Really? I thought I was having a pretty good time tonight. Maybe I should reconsider?’ He teased.

'Maybe so.’ He Tian laughed.

There was a stretch of contented silence while they both took a drink.

'I’m having a nice time too.’ He Tian assured him.

Mo Guan Shan opened his mouth to respond when the glass door to the patio opened and a young man awkwardly stepped through it, clad in an ill-fitting hotel uniform.

'I’m sorry…’ he began, clearly uncomfortable.

'The pool is closed.’

'Do you take bribes?’ He Tian asked.

'It’s also monitored by video surveillance…’

'We’ll be out in a few minutes, if that’s ok.’ Mo Guan Shan flashed the kid a smile.

He nodded quickly, turning on his heel and closing the door behind him, flustered.

'Maybe you should be a bouncer.’ He Tian suggested.

'Why…?’

'You can just charm people into leaving, you little flirt.’

'Not everyone can be as intimidating as you.’

'It’s a gift.’ He Tian agreed.

They stood, carefully exiting the tub, wrapping towels around their waists, and scooping up their clothes.

On the way back to the room, they shared an elevator with three giggling, whispering, college aged girls. 

This was clearly something He Tian was accustomed to. (which wasn’t much of a surprise considering how he looked shirtless.)

Mo Guan Shan…not so much. 

Not because it doesn’t happen, but because he’s oblivious to most things of that nature.

The front wall of the elevator was mirrored because, obviously, people that stay in nice hotels need to see their reflection as often as possible. 

Two of the girls watched them unashamedly.

The third stared resolutely at the ground.

He Tian took Mo Guan Shan’s hand, lacing their fingers together and leaning in to gently kiss him on the cheek.

Mo Guan Shan tightened his fingers, joining the girl in studying the filthy carpet to avoid watching himself turn bright red.

The girls went quiet for the fifteen seconds it took to get to their floor.

He Tian fought a smile as door closed behind them.

Mo Guan Shan wanted to ask him why on earth he’d done that, but didn’t need to.

'I thought that might shut them up.’

'You were right.’

Four more floors passed and the doors slid open.

Mo Guan Shan let them in the room and told He Tian he was going to go clean up.

He turned the shower on and stepped into the cool spray, telling himself the hot tub was the reason he was so painfully overheated.


	15. Chapter 15

Mo Guan Shan reluctantly stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, avoided eye contact with the mirror, and left the bathroom.

‘All yours.’ He told He Tian, looking through his bag for a comfortable shirt, cursing himself for his half-assed packing.

Something on the edge of his bed caught his eye as He Tian took his place in the shower.

He smiled as he pulled the ‘shutup’ shirt over his head.

He Tian’s laundry detergent smelled like it probably had ‘sunshine’ somewhere on the label.

Mo Guan Shan grabbed his phone and charger from the bag, pulled the covers back on the bed and slid between the sheets.

He grabbed the remote from the bedside table and flipped through the channels, settling on a movie he hadn’t seen in years.

He Tian showered for twice as long as Mo Guan Shan ever had and he wondered how clean a person could possibly become.

He Tian’s phone rang from where it sat on the other bed.

Then it rang again.

And again.

Curious, Mo Guan Shan swung his legs off the side of the mattress and peered at the screen.

The contact was labeled with nothing but the crab emoji.

Before he could make any sense of that, he heard the water turn off in the bathroom and settled back on the bed.

The other man emerged, drying his hair, a towel slung low on his hips.

Slightly too buzzed to stop himself, Mo Guan Shan got a good look at his body before he dropped both towels, laughing when Mo Guan Shan whipped his head around to look at the tv, apologizing softly.

He Tian searched through his bag.

Mo Guan Shan desperately hoped he’d put on a shirt.

He did not.

‘I love this movie.’ He Tian said with a smile, picking up the wrap he’d deposited on the table.

He motioned for Mo Guan Shan to stand up, wrapping his ribs as quickly and efficiently as Jian Yi had before putting a few feet of space between them and settling between the covers of his own bed.

He Tian tossed him a drink.

They both reclined against the cushioned headboards and watched the movie in silence.

Mo Guan Shan suddenly remembered the phone calls.

‘Oh, your phone went off while you were in the shower.’

He Tian sighed, reaching for it, turned the screen on, and frowned.

‘Do you mind turning it down for a sec?’

Mo Guan Shan muted it and busied himself with his phone, not wanting to eavesdrop.

‘What’s up?’ He Tian asked the crab, listening for a few seconds.

Hearing only one side of a conversation was always interesting.

‘How many days does she want off?’ He Tian asked.

Silence.

‘That’s a little short notice.’

Silence.

‘Tell her if she can find someone to cover she can have as many days as she wants.’

Silence.

He Tian raised his eyebrows and sighed in frustration.

‘Why didn’t you say that at the beginning?’

Silence.

‘Yes. It is different.’ There was a slight edge to his voice.

Silence.

‘Because there are good reasons to take off and stupid reasons. This is one of the good ones.’

A longer stretch of silence.

‘We just hired four new people and you can’t find anyone to cover three days?’

He massaged the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes as the crab spoke.

He Tian stood, grabbing the cigarettes from his bag, holding them up, wordlessly offering one to Mo Guan Shan, who nodded and followed him onto the balcony.

He stood at the edge, leaning on the cold metal bars and looked down at the pool.

It was weird to hear He Tian in boss-mode.

‘I’ll handle it, just go back to work.’

Silence.‘

If we can’t find anyone, I will cover her shifts. Send her home and cover the bar until her replacement gets there.’

Silence.

‘Yes. I am sure. Go. I’ll call you in the morning.’

He hung up.

‘Sorry about that.’

He was addressing Mo Guan Shan now.

‘Is everything ok?’

‘One of our bartenders had a death in the family.’

‘Oh. That’s awful.’

‘It is. I’m going to text her and tell her she can have as much time off as she needs. This is a new position for this manager, she’s just a little overwhelmed.’

‘She’s struggling with it?’

‘Yeah. I knew she would, but she wanted the management opportunity so i thought i’d give her the chance.’

‘What if she can’t handle it?’

‘Shift management might not be right for her. I’ll give her something else to manage.’

‘You seem like a pretty nice boss.’

‘I try to be. I’m just not super great with hiring and promotions.’

‘I can imagine that’d be tough.’

He Tian studied him for a moment, clearly having something he wanted to say, but stayed silent.

‘Want to go finish the movie?’

Mo Guan Shan nodded and followed him inside.

He Tian turned his phone off and set it on the table.

They continued with the movie.

The credits rolled and Mo Guan Shan turned to look at He Tian, planning to ask what he wanted to watch next, but found him asleep.

He switched the light off and played a game on his phone.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke with a start, pushing the hand off his shoulder and sitting up, heart racing.

The soft light streaming through the window illuminated He Tian.

‘You were having a nightmare.’ He explained softly.

Mo Guan Shan closed his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to relax.

He told himself it was alright.

Nothing bad was happening.

‘Thanks.’ he mumbled, embarrassed.

He felt like a child.

He Tian reached out hesitantly and ran his fingers through the soft, red, hair.

‘Are you ok?’

Mo Guan Shan closed his eyes, leaning into He Tian’s touch, ignoring his question.

‘Will you stay?’

He Tian lowered himself to the mattress pulling the blanket over them both, and continuing to stroke his hair, desperately resisting the urge to pull Mo Guan Shan to his chest.

This wasn’t the time to test his new found self-control and he didn’t trust himself to stop at a hug.


	16. Chapter 16

Mo Guan Shan woke first.

He was momentarily surprised to see He Tian sleeping a foot or so away.

And momentarily confused by the wall of pillows between them that He Tian must of constructed before falling asleep.

He really didn’t trust himself, did he?

Mo Guan Shan couldn’t help but wonder how much of this was for his own benefit.

He could have just gone back to his own bed after Mo Guan Shan fell asleep.

But he’d been asked to stay.

So he did.

Mo Guan Shan sat up, careful not to disturb He Tian or the precarious barrier.

He grabbed his phone and slid off the bed, hijacking one of his cigarettes and quietly stepping out onto the balcony.

He dialed his mom, feeling guilty when she picked up the phone in a panic.

He hadn’t told any of the new people in his life that he’d been ignoring her texts and phone calls for nearly two months.

And his dad’s.

And, to an extent, his sister’s.

Several minutes of apologizing and a half assed explanation that he’d made some changes, and she began to calm down.

He told her he was headed that way and he’d explain later.

Moments after he hung up, he got a text from his sister.

‘Are you bringing that fuckface with you?’

‘No.’

‘Good.’

She was a woman of few words.

He knew he should have said he wasn’t coming alone, but explaining that would lead to explaining the rest of it and he hadn’t figured out how he was going to do that yet.

The two of them had several hours to talk about it in the car.

-

He Tian woke to a bed occupied by himself and the pile of pillows.

He spotted Mo Guan Shan on the balcony, leaning against the wall, talking on the phone.   
Swiping his phone from the table, he watched it light up and turn on.

Two texts from Lucy, explaining with an apology that she’d figured out the schedule.

He thanked her, telling her not to apologize.

One from Zhengxi, asking him if they’d fucked.

He told him to shut up.

Two from Jian Yi, asking how things were going and apologizing for Zhengxi.

He said things were just fine and to tell Zhengxi to shut up again.

Almost immediately Jian Yi responded.

‘But…did you?’

He Tian sighed.

‘No.’

If he listened hard enough, he could practically hear Jian Yi sigh in relief.

Losers.

He stood and joined Mo Guan Shan on the balcony.

‘Wanna head out in a few?’

Mo Guan Shan nodded, following He Tian back into the room.

They packed in silence.

Left the room.

Turned the key in at the front desk, and asked the valet to get the car.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t ask for the keys this time.

He Tian entered the address Mo Guan Shan gave him into the gps and followed the directions back onto the highway.

‘Did you tell your parents we were coming?’

‘Kinda.’

‘How do you kinda tell someone something?’

‘I told them I was coming.’

He Tian felt a stab of…rejection? Regret?

‘Should I have stayed home?’

Mo Guan Shan looked panicked for a moment.

More so than that exchange could have caused.

‘No, no that’s not what I meant. Shit. I…’

He Tian saw the panic build. Zero to sixty in seconds.

He knew that feeling.

‘Stop. Take a deep breath.’ He Tian instructed.

He did.

‘Another.’

Another.

‘One more.’

One more.

‘Ok.’ He Tian said softly, prompting him to continue.

‘If I’d told them you were coming they’d have had so many questions and I’m still not sure what I’m going to tell them.’

‘That’s fine.’ He Tian assured him gently.

He reached into the backseat, pulling a small orange bottle from his bag and shaking a small white pill into his palm, embarrassed but silent.

He Tian told him there were drinks in his bag.

He washed the pill down with a sip of cool water, realizing he hadn’t taken anything in front of He Tian since they’d met.

‘You ok?’ He Tian asked after a few minutes.

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’

‘It’s not you. It’s…all of this. Seeing my family, dealing with it all the sudden.’

‘Are you not close with them?’

‘No, I am. That’s the issue. I left very suddenly, ignoring their warnings and haven’t talked to them in over a month.’

‘Are they angry?’

‘My sister is furious, my parents are mostly just sad and worried. Really it was just a dick move on my part. If I’d given them some warning and explained myself they would have been completely supportive.’

‘But you didn’t?’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head, looking out the window.

‘Not even a day.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ He Tian asked.

‘Not right now.’ Mo Guan Shan answered quietly.

Before he could stop himself-

‘Do you think they’ll like me?’

Mo Guan Shan turned to look at him, eyes soft.

‘Definitely.’

He Tian nodded, unsure of how to respond.

‘I take it you don’t meet many parents?’ Mo Guan Shan teased lightly.

‘Never.’ He admitted.

‘Never?’

‘Never.’

‘You don’t have to. You can stay at a hotel or-’

‘I want to.’ He Tian told him, finding he meant it.

‘Can I ask if you’re sure?’

‘No. No you can’t. You also can’t tell me to just be myself.’

‘Well, that’s all I had.’

He Tian laughed, turning up the music and placing his hand on Mo Guan Shan’s knee, giving it a squeeze.

Mo Guan Shan covered He Tian’s hand with his own, sliding it farther up his thigh.

He’d done it so he could lean back against the seat and comfortably hold He Tian’s hand at the same time.

He Tian jerked his hand back in surprise.

Mo Guan Shan had to lean over and grab the wheel when He Tian nearly swerved off the road.

He Tian corrected the car.

‘Fuck, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s ok…’ Mo Guan Shan touched He Tian’s arm softly in an attempt to be comforting.

He Tian pulled his arm away, gently this time.

Mo Guan Shan quickly jumped to the wrong conclusion.

‘I didn’t mean to, um… I think I misread the situation.’

He Tian huffed out a laugh through gritted teeth.

‘You most certainly did not. That’s what I was trying to say last night. You just… Your skin is so soft, you’re so…’ He trailed off, desperately searching for the right way to say this.

Mo Guan Shan waited for him to continue, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

He Tian looked away quickly.

‘He Tian, I’m sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.’

He took a deep, calming breath, tightening his hands on the steering wheel.

‘I am trying SO hard here, but every time you touch me, I feel like I’m going to fucking lose it.

‘Oh.’ Mo Guan Shan said softly, catching on.

‘I can take care of that for you, if-’

‘Oh my god. Don’t finish that sentence. I’m about to meet your parents!’

Mo Guan Shan tried to suppress a smile.

‘Don’t even look at me. Turn around. Sit quietly and think about what you’ve done.’

Mo Guan Shan obediently turned away with a soft laugh.

‘This is NOT funny. What did you take, ecstasy?!’

Gps said they’d be there in less than an hour.

He pulled up a text Jian Yi had sent him this morning.

‘Mo Guan Shan, call Jian Yi. Tell him it’s a code blue.’

‘…what?’

‘Just do it.’

Shrugging, Mo Guan Shan pulled up his recent contacts and selected Jian Yi’s name.

He picked up on the third ring.

‘What’s up? Is everything ok?’

‘He Tian told me to call you and tell you it’s a code blue. Whatever that means.’

Jian Yi chuckled.

‘Am I on speaker?’

‘No.’

‘Can He Tian hear me?’

‘I don’t think so…’

‘Cool. Whatever you’re doing, stop it.’

‘…what?’

‘Stop it.’

‘What am I doing?’

‘I don’t know, but stop it.’

‘Is…is this code blue?’

‘Yes. And don’t tell him what I said. I told him code blue was a mild emergency and to have you call me.’

‘I am so confused.’

‘It’s a distraction tactic. Whatever you were doing was overwhelming somehow. So stop it. Do you understand.’

‘Yes…’

‘Say you understand.’

‘I understand.’

‘Alright. He should composed himself by now. Act like you’ve been put in your place somehow and just…stop it.’

‘Ok.’

‘Alright. Now if he calls for a code red we’re going to have to involve Zhengxi.’

With that, he hung up.

Mo Guan Shan put the phone in his lap.

He Tian did seem to have calmed down a bit.

Code blue was beginning to make just the tiniest amount sense.

‘So…what is it?’ He Tian asked after a few minutes.’

‘I don’t think anyone but Jian Yi knows that.’

He Tian shrugged and they left it at that.


	17. Chapter 17

They pulled into the driveway around six.

In the last hour, Mo Guan Shan had become steadily more anxious.

‘Ready?’ He Tian asked.

‘Not at all. You?’

‘Nope, but that’s never stopped me before.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled at that, nodding.

He Tian let himself out of the car, pocketing the keys and walking around to the other side, waiting for Mo Guan Shan.

When he didn’t move to open the door He Tian opened it for him, extending his hand.

‘Cowboy up, kid, let’s do this shit.’

Mo Guan Shan took He Tian’s hand and let himself be pulled from the car.

‘What the fuck does that mean?’

‘No idea. Jian Yi said it to me once and it made me get out of the car too.’

‘And to think, I thought you were the crazy one.’

He Tian laughed and began to drag him towards the front door.

They stopped on the porch.

Mo Guan Shan dug his keys from his pocket.

‘Why am I so nervous?’ He wondered out loud as he turned the key in the lock, steeling himself and pushing the door open.

Before they even had a chance to remove their shoes, someone threw their arms around Mo Guan Shan’s neck, fondly telling him he was an idiot and that she hated him.

She spotted He Tian, releasing her brother.

‘You’re not…’

‘No.’

‘Oh, good.’ She sighed, relieved.

‘I thought I was going to have to punch you.’

He Tian shrugged.

‘The night is young.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

His sister jerked her head around, looking at him in astonishment, and back to He Tian.

Before she could say anything they were joined by two more people.

His mother hugged him, nearly as excited as his sister had been but with tears in her eyes.

His dad did the same, kissing him on the side of the head.

They noticed He Tian at the same time, wearing matching looks of confusion.

‘Hey, let’s take this to the living room.’ Mo Guan Shan suggested.

His mom led them out of the small entryway.

‘Mom, dad, this is He Tian.’

No response.

‘I’m not who you think I am.’ He Tian informed them.

Mo Guan Shan’s dad chuckled.

‘We’re going to go get some drinks.’ He announced, dragging his wife from the room.

‘He Tian, this is Rou.’

She nodded, turning away and leading them to the middle of the room where she perched on a large armchair.

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan settled on the couch across from her.

She had long, red, hair and Mo Guan Shan’s eyes and looked about thirteen years old.

He only knew she was older because he’d been told.

She studied He Tian intently.

‘He’s super hot, where’d you find him?’

‘Rou, really?’

‘It’s ok.’ He Tian assured him.

‘She’s right. I am, in fact, super hot.’

Rou laughed.

Their parents joined them at exactly the right time, both of their kids smiling.

They passed out drinks, settling on the final piece of furniture, a large couch perpendicular to the three of them.

‘Can we just get to the bottom of this and avoid tiptoeing around it for the rest of the evening?’

Mo Guan Shan’s dad asked.

Mo Guan Shan nodded enthusiastically.

Mo Guan Shan: ‘As you all know, This is He Tian. We met recently. The man i left with is…out of the picture.’

Dad: ‘What happened to your face?’ His dad asked.

Mo Guan Shan: ‘Fight club.’

He Tian and Rou laughed.

The parents looked alarmed.

Rou: ‘Guys, he’s kidding.’

Mom: ‘Where are you staying?’

He Tian: ‘With two of my good friends.’

Dad: ‘What do they do?’

He Tian: ‘Jian Yi is an EMT. Zhan Zhengxi is a police officer.’

Dad: ‘And what do you do?’

He Tian: ‘I own a nightclub.’

Mo Guan Shan’s family collectively nodded approvingly.

Dad: ‘Are you moving back here?’

Mo Guan Shan: ‘I…I don’t think so. Not right now.’

Mom: ‘Are you two…together?’

No one in the room seemed opposed to that.

Mo Guan Shan: ‘Y-yeah.’

Whoa.

It seemed like the right thing to say at the time.

Mom: ‘anything else?’

Mo Guan Shan: I’m taking Felix.’

Rou: ‘bullshit!’

Mom: ‘it’s his cat. We can’t stop him.’

Mo Guan Shan: ‘I miss him.’

Dad: ‘I haven’t seen that cat in weeks.

Rou:'he’s been pouting since Guan Shan left.’

They ate dinner.

He Tian told them about his club.

They shared obligatory embarrassing stories about Mo Guan Shan.

Everyone drank just a little bit too much.

He Tian offered to help with dishes.

That’s what they do in the movies, right?

His help was refused in favor of Mo Guan Shan’s.

He Tian sat on the couch alone for a few minutes, planning to text Jian Yi and fill him in, when he was dragged from the room by Rou.

She led him up the stairs and onto the balcony outside her room.

‘Are you going to make me say it?’ She asked.

He sighed.

No pleasantries here.

‘I’m not going to hurt your brother. As long as I have anything to say about it, no one is.’

‘When did you two meet?’

He Tian had to think about that.

‘What day is it?’

‘Saturday…’

‘Then…Tuesday.’

‘You met him on Tuesday? Like…this Tuesday?’

‘Yep.’

‘So…this all happened pretty quick?’ She asked stupidly.

He Tian huffed out a laugh.

‘Oh yeah.’

‘And you two are a couple?’

‘Honestly, I have no idea.’

She nodded slowly.

‘Yeah, we’ve all been there.’

‘Any advice?’ He Tian asked sincerely.

‘About my brother?’

He Tian nodded.

‘Unfortunately, no. That man is an enigma.’

‘Helpful.’

She laughed.

‘I like you. I think you’re good for him.’

‘I like you too. And I am.’

She smiled, taking a drink.

‘You should come to Vegas, check up on him. I know you’re worried.’

‘You’re just saying that.’ She accused.

‘I’m really not. I have an extra room, and if you’re not comfortable with that I’ll put you up in a hotel.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Deadly.’

‘Fine. I’ll drive down next weekend.’

‘Should I book you a hotel room?

‘No, I’ll stay with you.’

'Alright.’

Their names were called from downstairs.

'They’re taking shots. Prepare yourself for the person Mo Guan Shan becomes when he starts on the tequila.’ She teased.

He Tian blinked at her.

'That’s a fucking ominous.’

'Yeah, that sounded bad. He just becomes uncharacteristically affectionate. It’s cute. Sometimes.’

Shit.

That is very ominous indeed.

He had to get a handle on this. He was barely holding it together as it was.

'Where’s the restroom?’ He asked as they let themselves inside.

She pointed him through a door to the right.

'See you downstairs.’

He closed himself in the bathroom, checking the lock several times before sinking to his knees on the soft rug and struggling with his belt.

Any doubts he had about masturbating in a total stranger’s bathroom went out the window when he managed to free himself from his jeans.

Knowing it was awful, he thought about Mo Guan Shan.

His body, each time he’d seen it, bruises and all.

His eyes when he smiled.

The way he bit his lip when he was nervous.

The way he’d offered to…He Tian couldn’t even complete the thought.

It took less than a minute.  
He stood.

Fixing his clothing.

Washing his hands.

Splashing his face with cool water.

And sat on the edge of the tub, getting his breathing under control until it was time to join the world of the living.

When he entered the room, Mo Guan Shan looked at him in confusion.

Rou winked obnoxiously, quickly holding her hands up to show she was joking.

Their parents didn’t look up at all.

He resumed his place next to Mo Guan Shan.

‘You ok?’ 

He Tian nodded.

'Yeah, just tired.’

Feeling Mrs. Mo’s eyes on them, He Tian turned Mo Guan Shan around by the shoulders and pulled him against his chest.

For the act, of course.  
Mo Guan Shan placed one hand over He Tian’s and the other on his thigh.

He Tian reached down, toying with the hem of the shirt that, before Wednesday, no one else had ever worn.

His knuckles grazed the warm skin of Mo Guan Shan’s stomach.

The redhead tightened his fingers on He Tian’s thigh and he was beyond relieved that he’d just…taken care of himself.

Otherwise he’d have made Mo Guan Shan uncomfortable. 

No one wants to be poked in the back with an erection with their parents in the room. 

Eventually, the movie ended.

Mo Guan Shan’s mom announced that she and her husband were going to bed and that, obviously Rou would be taking her room and Mo Guan Shan and He Tian would be sharing his.  
‘I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.’ He Tian told her, secretly wishing she’d buy into it. 

'It’s ok, dear. It’s not like you’re going to get him pregnant.’

Rou laughed so hard she needed to sit back down.

Wow, mom.’

Mo Guan Shan’s dad shook his head, leading her from the room.

I’d blame it on the alcohol, but she’s always like this.’

Rou excused herself, bidding them goodnight and disappearing up the stairs.

The other two followed.

Mo Guan Shan had managed to drink quite a bit while He Tian was gone and needed a little bit of help up the stairs.

Rou pointed He Tian in the direction of the room, telling him if he hit the coat closet he’d gone too far.

He Tian’s heart sank when they finally pushed through the door.

He had a twin bed.

And that was if he was being generous.

Honestly, he had no idea how even one adult could fit in that bed, much less two.

He sent Mo Guan Shan to the bathroom, telling him to take a shower, and trying to figure out the most comfortable way to sleep on the floor.

Eventually, he gave up. 

They’d shared a bed last night, surely tonight would be no different.

Afew minutes later, Mo Guan Shan emerged in nothing but a towel, running a hand through his wet hair.

I can go grab your clothes from the car.’ He Tian offered weakly.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

He reached the bed and dropped his towel.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

'Mo Guan Shan, will you please…’  
Before he could continue his protest, Mo Guan Shan climbed onto the mattress and straddled He Tian’s lap.

No.

No no no.

This is NOT how it’s going down.

He Tian laughed shakily.

I’m really tired, can we talk about this tomorrow?’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head, leaning down to kiss him.

He Tian had gone through rehab for one of the most addictive drugs in the world, and this was the most difficult thing he’d ever had to turn down.

He stopped Mo Guan Shan, pushing him away gently with two hands on his chest.

Mo Guan Shan, we’re not…’

The redhead sat up quickly, frustrated.

He Tian, if you’re not-’

Nope.

He Tian placed a hand on his lower back, using his other arm to steady himself and his legs for leverage, he got Mo Guan Shan on his back before he could register what was happening.

He leaned over Mo Guan Shan, gripping his jaw to keep him still and lowering his voice.

'Mo Guan Shan, I have never, NEVER wanted anything more than I want you, but you’re not ready. When I do fuck you - when, not if - we are going to be alone, and you are going to be, at least mostly, sober. There will be no doubt in my mind that you want it, and you won’t lose a second of it to any mind altering substance.

Mo Guan Shan stared up at him, but didn’t interrupt. 

'I know, for the most part, you’re intentions are good. But you need to understand something. I am not a nice person. I have made nothing but bad choices, but I am NOT doing this with you. Stop pushing me or we will both regret it. Do you fucking understand?’

Am I the only one that doesn’t get a say in when I sleep with you?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, clearly becoming frustrated. 

He Tian climbed off him.

'As of right now, yes. Put your clothes on and go to sleep. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.’

Mo Guan Shan said nothing as he stood, collecting his clothes from the bathroom and dressing quickly. 

Several minutes later, they were back to back on the tiny mattress.

I’m sorry.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered.

'So am I.’


	18. Chapter 18

He Tian listened to Mo Guan Shan’s breathing even out, wondering if he’d had enough to drink to forget this.

Would that be a good thing?

Either way, he knew he’d made the right choice.  
Unfortunately, the right choice is rarely the most immediately rewarding.

But what was the other option?

Momentary relief?

A feeling of accomplishment?’

The guilt would have - metaphorically - killed him.

Jian Yi and Zhengxi, literally.

‘Am I the only one that gets a say in when I sleep with you?’ He’d asked.

So, to an extent, he knew.

It was all true.

He really wasn’t ready.

The traitorous little voice in the back of He Tian’s mind argued that Mo Guan Shan was an adult and should be allowed to make his own choices.

He tried to block it out.

He Tian knew better than anyone, jthat wasn’t a good thing.

Being able to legally make your own choices does not mean you should always be allowed to.

He knew he’d hurt Mo Guan Shan’s feelings, and it killed him.

The most important thing here is to help him get through this.

To help him get better.

So, he’d turn him away as many times as necessary.

He worried, selfishly, about where that would leave him.

He did want him.

OF COURSE he wanted him.

But, what if he finally felt better, and lost interest?

I mean, how many times can someone turn you down, even if it’s in your best interest before you give up.

Twice now, Mo Guan Shan had expressed his concerns about this.

The most recent reaction was not something He Tian was proud of.

He should have just said no and pushed him off.

He didn’t need to monolog threateningly and undoubtedly make things worse.

Fuck.

Even when he wasn’t in the wake of a violently abusive relationship, he had no idea what this dude was into.

When he was confident Mo Guan Shan was asleep, he slid off the bed slowly.

He made his way down the stairs slowly,

searchin for a back door.

Glass doors in the kitchen led him into a large, perfectly manicured, yard.

He fished his cigarettes and phone from his pocket, lighting one and calling Jian Yi.

‘What’s up?’

‘Are you with Zhengxi?’

‘No, we’re both working. Everything-’

He hung up, calling Zhengxi.

‘What?’

‘I didn’t fuck him.’

‘…ok.’

‘But he basically threw himself at me.’

‘What did you do?’

‘Turned him down.’

‘Did you call me for a pat on the back?’

‘Why am I doing this?’ He Tian asked, ignoring the question.

‘I have no idea.’

‘I met this dude four days ago.’

‘I know. I was there.’

‘Why didn’t I just leave it alone?’

‘I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say, He Tian.’

‘Why are you with Jian Yi?’

Zhengxi scoffed.

‘You’ve heard this story dozens of times.’

‘Yeah, from Jian Yi.’

There was a long moment of silence.

‘I had to be.’

‘What, to protect him from himself?’

‘No.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I met Jian Yi when I was five years old. You’ve heard incredibly exaggerated versions of all these stories.’

‘Yeah…’

‘One day, twelve years after we met, I was looking at him and I just…had to be with him.’

He Tian didn’t respond.

Zhengxi continued.

‘I couldn’t stomach the thought of him being with someone else.’

‘That just sounds like jealousy.’

‘And that’s why it took me another two years to actually do something about it. I wanted to be sure.’

‘Oh…’

‘A part of this story that Jian Yi doesn’t tell, is that he was with someone else before we got together.’

‘What?!’

When Jian Yi told this story he said he’d always known Zhengxi was the only one for him.

‘Yep. He was seventeen. He decided he’d spent too much of his life waiting for someone that didn’t want him, and found someone else.’

‘Whoa.’

He Tian had all but forgotten why he’d called at that point.

‘The guy got a little…intense. He pressured Jian Yi to have sex and Jian Yi wasn’t into it.

‘What happened?’

‘Six months after the fact, Jian Yi told me and I beat the dude almost to death, spent two years on probation, and moved to Las Vegas.’

‘Are you fucking with me?’ He Tian asked.

‘Not at all.’

‘After that, did Jian Yi have a hard time with…’

He trailed off, feeling rude even asking.

‘Oh, yeah. We were together for a year before we had sex.’

‘Jesus Christ.’

‘Yeah. You can NEVER tell Jian Yi I told you that. He’s never even talked to me about it.’

‘I won’t.’ He promised.

‘Did this help somehow? I don’t really remember why you called.’

Zhengxi’s tone was light and teasing.

‘Yeah, I think so. Thanks.’ He lied.

‘See you tomorrow?’

‘Yeah. Tomorrow.’ He Tian confirmed before hanging up.

He found himself unable to make a connection between his issue and that story, and felt like an asshole when he realized there wasn’t one.

Back in the room, he slid back into the bed.

This time, he gently fit himself behind Mo Guan Shan, wrapping his arm around his waist and resting his forehead between his shoulder blades.

Mo Guan Shan placed his hand on top of He Tian’s, moving it down.

He froze for a moment, ready to yank his arm back when his fingers hit something soft and warm.

He Tian lifted his hand up to pet Felix gently.

The cat rolled over and bit He Tian’s fingers.

He Tian cursed.

Felix hissed.

Mo Guan Shan laughed.


	19. Chapter 19

They woke to Rou flinging the door open and loudly informing them that there were pancakes downstairs.

‘Jesus, Rou, what if we’d been naked?’

‘Absolutely nothing.’

‘What?’

She walked off.

‘Should I be offended?’ He Tian asked.

‘That’s a safe bet.’

They’d shifted slightly as they slept.

Somehow, Felix had acquired the majority of the blanket.

When He Tian didn’t get out of the bed, Mo Guan Shan climbed over him.

He Tian followed him to the bathroom.

Mo Guan Shan said something unintelligible, his mouth full of toothpaste.

‘…what?’

Mo Guan Shan spit.

‘Did you bring a toothbrush?’

‘No, I completely spaced. I’m fine until we get home.’

‘You can use mine if you want.’

‘Isn’t that kind of…gross?’

‘Compared to what? Spending the day with un-brushed teeth?’

He Tian had no response.

He took the toothbrush when Mo Guan Shan offered it to him.

Mo Guan Shan sat on the edge of the tub while he cleaned his teeth.

‘Sorry about last night.’

He Tian glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I try not to drink that much on a regular basis. I hope I wasn’t too bad.’

‘What’s the last thing you remember?’ He Tian asked warily.

‘Taking a shower.’

He Tian sighed in intense relief.

‘Shit, did I do something stupid?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Nope, you just went to sleep.’

‘Are you lying?’

‘Only a little.’

‘We didn't…’

‘No. I like to think that you’d remember that.’

‘I didn’t mean it like-’

‘I know, I’m kidding.’

He Tian spit out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth out

‘So what’s the plan?’

‘I’m going to get some more of my stuff packed up and get Felix ready. We can head out after breakfast.’

‘Is there anything else you want to do while we’re here? Visit friends?’

Mo Guan Shan considered that for a moment before shaking his head.

‘I’d rather just go home and get settled in.’

He Tian followed him out of the bathroom to help him pack.

‘Home it is, then.’

They ate breakfast and said their goodbyes.

He Tian was surprised when each member of the family hugged him warmly.

‘Come back and visit soon.’ Mo Guan Shan’s mom told them firmly.

‘We will.’ Mo Guan promised.

He Tian tried not to smile.

We, huh?

Mo Guan Shan loaded Felix into the car in his carrier.

He was nothing but a fluffy, ginger, ball of anger and claws.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t ask for the keys this time either.

He relaxed with every mile He Tian put between their car and the city.

‘Sorry about telling my mom that we’re together. She just looked so happy…’

‘It’s ok, really. She wants to know that you’re safe and taken care of. It’s understandable.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘Yeah, i suppose so. You’re not mad though?’

‘Not at all. Why would I be?’

‘Well…you haven’t been in a relationship for thirteen years and I just barge in and tell my parents that you’re my boyfriend. I don’t imagine anyone would like that.’

‘It doesn’t bother me.’ He Tian assured him.

‘Well, thank you.’

‘Any time.’

The redhead rolled his eyes with a small smile.

‘Really? Even Christmas?’

‘Sure.’

‘I…can’t tell if you’re kidding.’

‘I’m not. They seem really nice. I liked them a lot.’

‘Just be careful. They might get attached and we’ll have to get married.’ He teased.

He Tian laughed.

‘I can think of worse fates.’

There was a long pause.

‘I’m going to tell Jian Yi you said that.’

‘Oh lord, please don’t.’

They both smiled.

‘You seem like you’re feeling better.’ He Tian observed.’

‘I am.’ Mo Guan Shan admitted.

‘I’m glad.’

They spent the next few hours in silence, listening to music, lost in thought.

Mo Guan Shan broke the silence.

‘So, what’s up with them? Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Are they planning on getting married or anything? You said they’d been together for, like, a decade.’

‘Ok, I’m going to tell you something, but if you tell Jian Yi I will murder you.’

‘Jesus, I’m not sure if I even want to know now.’

‘Zhengxi has been planning to propose for over two years but hasn’t come up with the right way to do it.’

‘It’s not like he’s going to say no… right?’

‘Absolutely not. Zhengxi just feels like he has to make it special somehow, after all they’ve been through.’

‘Like what?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

He Tian winced, realizing he’d said too much.

‘I’m…going to have to let Jian Yi tell you about that. I wouldn’t know about any of it if I hadn’t been around for it.’

‘Are you really going to build it up like that and not tell me?’

He Tian sighed.

He never really talked to anyone so he wasn’t used to censoring himself or keeping secrets.

‘You have to PROMISE me you won’t say anything. Ever.’

‘I promise.’

He Tian hesitated.

‘Zhengxi cheated on him a few years ago.’

‘Whoa.’

‘It wasn’t a huge thing, he didn’t sleep with her or anything-’

‘Her?’ Mo Guan Shan interrupted.

‘Yeah, that was the issue. Jian Yi is a remarkably understanding, forgiving person. But after so many years of Zhengxi telling him he was straight, it was pretty brutal.’

‘I can imagine.’

‘What ended up happening?’

‘Zhengxi stayed with me for almost three months. The girl, she was a friend of theirs, went to Jian Yi taking full responsibility. She was going through her own shit with some guy and said it was entirely her fault and Zhengxi had turned her down.’

‘And Jian Yi forgave him?’

‘Eventually, yeah. He said they should start fresh and let it go.’

‘What happened with the girl?’

‘She quit her job at The Wolf and none of us have heard from her since.’

‘What’s The Wolf?’

He Tian chuckled.

‘That’s my club. The Black Wolf.’

‘Oh…I’m sorry. I feel like I should know that.’

‘I doubt anyone has said the name. Everyone typically just says He Tian’s place.

‘It’s weird, I just realized I’ve never heard you say your own name before.’

He Tian thought about that.

‘I guess I don’t really say my name often. Does anyone?’

‘Probably not.’

‘You do it.’

‘Say your name?’

‘No, yours.’

‘…Mo Guan Shan.’

‘Ok, now mine.’

‘You want me to say your name?’

He Tian flushed.

‘Well, not now that you’ve made it weird.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed softly.

‘He Tian.’

The man in question smiled, his face still bright red.

‘Your turn.’

He Tian tried to clear his head.

‘Mo Guan Shan.’

‘I like your voice.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’ Mo Guan Shan assured him.

‘No one’s ever told me that.’

‘Something tells me there’s a lot of nice things about you that no one’s ever told you about.’

‘Should I be offended by that?’

‘No. I can tell you what I like about you so far, if you want.’

‘You really don’t have to do that.’ He Tian said, tightening his hands on the steering wheel.’

‘But I really want to.’

‘Ok…’ He was expecting a few generic compliments.

‘I like the way your eyes sparkle when you smile.’

‘…thank you.’

‘And the way you squeeze my hand when you laugh.’

He Tian had no idea how to respond to these facts.

‘And the way you offer me a cigarette when you don’t want to smoke alone.’

‘…’

‘And the way you look away when you’re embarrassed.’

‘I-’

‘And the way you try not to smile when you’re lying.’

Shit.

‘When-’

‘And the way you turn someone away when they’re clearly drunk and being an idiot.’

‘…’

‘The way you’ll sleep on the floor because someone selfishly asks you to stay the night.’

‘Oh…um-’

‘You. I like you. I really, really, do.’

‘You shouldn’t.’ He Tian whispered.

‘Why not?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, defiant.

‘I have… a lot of baggage.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘You don’t understand.’

‘You’ve handled everything I’ve thrown at you so far.’

‘I guess…’

‘Let me do that for you.’

‘It’s different.’

‘I. Don’t. Care.’

‘But-’

He Tian, you drove me home. I could have stayed there. But I didn’t.’

‘Why didn’t you?’ He Tian asked.

‘If I don’t stick around and, at least, try to figure all this out, I’d hate myself.

‘You’re going to hate me, Mo Guan Shan.’

‘Why don’t you let me figure that out for myself.’

‘I’m not going to-’

‘I’m not asking you to fuck me.’

‘What are you asking me for?’ He Tian asked, honestly confused.

‘Give me a chance. Baggage and all.’

‘Do you want me to be your…’

‘I just want you to be with me while I sleep. Even if it’s on the floor.’

Mo Guan Shan’s confident words didn’t match the way his voice shook.

‘I can do that.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’


	20. Chapter 20

He Tian was beginning to feel how little he’d slept the night before.

They traded places.

He still felt uncomfortable handing his keys over, but pushed it down and took a much needed nap as they continued in their way.

He woke awhile later when Mo Guan Shan pulled over, expecting a gas station.

Instead, he found they’d pulled off the road in front of a sign informing them they were entering a new town.

‘Everything ok?’ He Tian asked, yawning.

‘When do you have to go back to work?’

‘Technically never. Why do you ask?’

‘Well, there’s this place my family and I stayed the night several years back about an hour from here.’

‘Yeah?’

‘It’s not a hotel. It’s little individual cabins. They have hot tubs and everything.’

‘You and your hot tubs, jeez.’ He Tian teased.

‘We all have a weakness. Don’t you?’

‘Bossy redheads, apparently.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Let’s go.’

‘Really?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, surprised.  
‘Absolutely.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled, pulling back onto the empty road, telling He Tian to get some more sleep.

He Tian relaxed back into the seat, feigning sleep, listening to Mo Guan Shan softly sing along to the music for another hour or so.

They turned down a gravel road and He Tian sat up.

Slowly, a cluster of small cabins came into view and they pulled into the visitors entrance.

Before Mo Guan Shan had the chance to so much as unbuckle his seatbelt, He Tian was out of the car.

He requested the nicest cabin they had, slipping the kid that followed him to the car a few bills, asking him to bring champagne and ‘some fruit or something.

‘Honeymoon?’ The kid asked with a sly smile.  
‘It’s more like a first date.’

‘Shit, man.’

They stopped outside the sliding doors.

‘What’s your name, kid?’

‘Kev.’

‘You got a girlfriend, Kev?’

‘Yeah…’

‘I’ll tell you what. You-discretely-help me out tonight, and i’ll finance a night just like this for the two of you.’

‘You can’t be serious.’

‘Deadly. Do we have a deal?’

‘God damn right we have a deal. Just tell me what you need.’

They conversed quietly for a few moments and Kev handed him the key, directing him to their cabin and telling him he’d be around shortly.

-

Mo Guan Shan followed He Tian’s directions, pulling into the small driveway a minute or so later.

‘Did you tell them about Felix?’

‘Nope.’

The cat in question growled when Mo Guan Shan picked up his carrier and grabbed his things.

‘Why?’

He Tian retrieved their bags and followed him to the door, stepping around him to unlock it.

‘Sometimes it’s fun to have a secret just because you can.’

Mo Guan Shan whistled, long and low.

‘This is a bit nicer than I remember.’

‘I put in a request.’

‘I’ll pay you back for this.’ Mo Guan Shan promised.

‘Don’t start that shit.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Don’t start the money thing with me again.’

Mo Guan Shan shrugged, walking further into the large room with the cat carrier.

‘I think I’m going to set Felix up in the bathroom and let him calm down a bit.’

‘That’s probably a good idea.’ He Tian agreed.

He set up the litter box and food and tried to lure the cat from his carrier while He Tian wandered into the kitchen, called Jian Yi to let him know they were staying out of town another night and asking for him to feed his fish.

Jian Yi laughed softly.

‘Are you telling me you’re taking a vacation? I didn’t think that was something you were capable of doing.’

‘It looks that way.’

‘When are you coming back?’

‘Tomorrow. Probably.’

‘So, there’s a chance you might not be coming home tomorrow?’

‘I guess we’ll see how it goes.’

‘So…have you…?’

‘No. I haven’t. I’m not going to. Stop it.’

‘If you say so.’

He Tian was about to hang up on him when Jian Yi yelled his name into the phone.

‘Jesus, what?!’

‘Are you having a good time?’

‘I really am.’

‘I’m glad. Zhengxi is too.’

Zhengxi protested in the background that he didn’t care at all.

He Tian laughed.

‘Alright, I’m going to go. I’ll keep you updated.’

The line disconnected.

-

He found Mo Guan Shan exploring the rooms.

‘Come with me.’ He Tian instructed.

Mo Guan Shan followed him up the stairs onto the large loft that served as the master bedroom with an enormous bed in the middle, and a large TV mounted on the wall across from it.

He Tian put their bags on one of the chairs and perused the bar.

Not a minibar.

An actual, well stocked, bar.

Mo Guan Shan continued into the bathroom.

‘Good news!’ He called.

He Tian joined him, smiling when he saw the individually wrapped toothbrush laid out by the sink.

The counter was covered in whatever small toiletries you could possibly need.

There was a huge bathtub, the kind with jets and built in stool type things that didn’t seem to have much of a purpose, and separate shower.

‘Hot tub?’ He Tian asked with a smile.

‘Hot tub.’ Mo Guan Shan agreed.

They made their way down the stairs and let themselves out through the backdoor.

Their view was ridiculous.

The leaves were beginning to change and they looked down over miles of colorful foliage.

The hot tub’s cover had been pulled back, the jets and lights already turned on, small tealights in frosted glass candle holders sat on any available surface flat enough to accommodate them safely.

Next to tub on a small wooden table sat a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a covered tray.

All of these items were surrounded by rose petals.

Damn, Kev.

Mo Guan Shan looked to He Tian, eyebrows raised.

He simply shrugged, fighting a smug smile and popped the cork from the bottle, pouring two glasses and turning around to hand one off.

Instead, because he was as asshole, he watched Mo Guan Shan, where he stood a few feet away with his back turned, undress and gently remove the wrap around his ribs  
His bruises were getting better, slowly but surely fading from a violent purple to deep red, ringed with a sickly yellow.

He’d noticed in the car that his lip was all but healed and the cut on his cheek would have been ready to lose the stitches if he hadn’t gone swimming and taken a shower with no attempt to keep it dry.

He Tian reminded himself to check on that later that night.

Lost in his thoughts, he’d forgotten to stop shamelessly staring until Mo Guan Shan cleared his throat, looking over his shoulder.

Having nothing to say for himself, he smiled sheepishly and offered Mo Guan Shan the glass.

Dropping and stepping out of his boxers, the redhead climbing up the small set of stairs that led to the raised hot tub and lowered himself into the warm water before holding his hand out for the drink.

Mo Guan Shan sank into one of the built in seats, groaned as the initial sting faded, and the heat began to relax his muscles.

He leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

He Tian stripped quickly and joined him, settling into his own seat a few feet away.

‘Feel good?’ He asked softly.

Mo Guan Shan lifted his head, readjusting himself.

‘Absolutely amazing. I didn’t even realize how sore I was.’

‘I can give you a massage later, if you want.’ He Tian offered, after having no intention to do so at all.

‘I will never turn down a massage.’

They both took a drink, looking away and thinking about that from both perspectives.

‘This is nice, He Tian. Really, really nice.’

He Tian fought the urge to tell him it had been his idea, after all.

‘Not too cheesy?’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘Just the right amount of cheesy.’

He tian smiled, leaning over the side of the tub and pulling the cover off the silver tray.

‘What is it?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, unable to see from where he sat.

‘Meatloaf.’

‘…really?’

‘No, it’s fruit. But that would be hilarious.’

He Tian picked up the tray, bringing it back to with him and balanced it precariously on the edge.

Mo Guan Shan drained his glass, and joined He Tian by the newly obtained food.

Strawberries, grapes, melon slices, pineapple, and a bowl of whipped cream (because if they’d brought a can they’d also have to supply condoms and that would be costly.)

Mo Guan Shan grabbed a strawberry, dipped it into the cream, and took a bite.

He placed the leafy top back onto the tray and sat back, licking the cream from his fingers.

He Tian stared at him.

‘What?’

He smiled, shaking his head and standing to refill their drinks.

Mo Guan Shan watched him, looking more relaxed than he had since they’d met.

Handing the second glass off, he grabbed a grape, dipping it in the cream and sitting down.

Just a few moments of indulgence never hurt anyone…right?

He extended it to Mo Guan Shan and was rewarded with a small smile.

Mo Guan Shan opened his mouth, accepting the grape and grabbing He Tian’s hand, spitting the fruit into the water and licking the sticky sweetness from his fingers.

He Tian yanked his arm back, glaring at Mo Guan Shan.

‘Why?’

Mo Guan Shan shrugged.

‘I don’t like grapes.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell me that?!’

‘Because I do like whipped cream.’

‘You’re cruel.’

They watched each other for a few long moments.

‘Kiss me?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

He Tian took a deep breath, looking away.

‘You know I can’t do that.’

‘Honestly, I don’t. Are you straight? Are you seeing someone?’

‘No, I…’ he trailed off.

‘What? You what?’

‘It’s too soon.’

‘Too soon? Are you fucking saving yourself for marriage?!’

‘Mo Guan Shan, five days ago your boyfriend-’

‘Ex.’ Mo Guan Shan interjected angrily.

‘Your EX boyfriend was beating the shit out of you in an alleyway. You still have bruises.’

Mo Guan Shan raised his eyebrows.

‘Is this about the bruises? Do you think they’re gross or something? I can put a shirt on…’

He Tian almost laughed at the absurdity of the question but Mo Guan Shan looked so, so, sad.

‘It’s not the bruises, it’s not you at all…’

‘Oh, it’s not me it’s you, right?’

‘Fucking shit, no! It’s the fact that you’re not even a week out of an abusive fucking relationship. I can’t just swoop in and take-’

‘Take advantage of me? Is that what you’re going to say?’

He Tian nodded.

‘Do you think I don’t know that? I know what happened. I was fucking there. I can’t do anything about that. Are you worried like your friends are? That I’m not ready? Or are you worried that you’d be a rebound?’

He Tian’s had been ignoring the little voice telling him exactly that for several days now.

‘A little of both.’ He answered honestly.

‘He Tian, even if that was something I believe in, that wouldn’t be you. A rebound is quick and easy and something you leave on the doorstep.’

He Tian didn’t respond.

Mo Guan Shan continued.

‘You aren’t any of those things. You’ve had plenty of chances to take advantage of me, and you haven’t. I’m not asking you to fuck me, or be my boyfriend, or help me forget. I’m just asking for a kiss.’

He Tian couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact.

‘What if I say no?’ He asked, looking up at the stars.

In the city, you were lucky if you could see the moon through the light pollution.

‘If you say no, I’ll pout for a few minutes, eat all the whipped cream, and let it go.’

‘And if I say yes?’

‘If you say yes, I will sit perfectly still and behave myself while you kiss me, eat all the whipped cream, and let it go.’

‘I’m…scared.’ He Tian admitted, for the first time since he was a child that fully believed in the monster that lived under his bed.

‘I trust you, He Tian.’

‘You shouldn’t.’

Mo Guan Shan shrugged.

His gaze no longer held the defiance, anger, or insecurity.

Fuck it.

Agonizingly slowly, He Tian leaned forward, taking Mo Guan Shan’s face in his hands.  
He pressed their lips together softly, pouring everything he felt into the simple, sweet, act.

Mo Guan Shan tilted his face up, keeping his hands to himself, as promised, and kissed him back, parting his lips for He Tian’s tongue.

He Tian used every ounce of his willpower to pull back.

‘Happy?’

‘Very.’


	21. Chapter 21

He Tian reclined in his plastic seat, beginning to sweat in the hot water.

Again, as promised, Mo Guan Shan didn’t say a word.

They finished the booze and fruit, making small talk about nothing.

By the time they left the hot tub, the sun was long past set.

The atmosphere between them was tense.

But not nearly as tense as they’d both expected.

Mo Guan Shan checked on the angry cat. Now curled up in the cold bathtub as opposed to the bed he’d brought or even the plush bath mat.

He left him to it.

-

As would become normal, Mo Guan Shan showered first.

He Tian followed him into the bathroom, though he wasn’t entirely sure why, and sat on the edge of the tub.

Mo Guan Shan smiled as he stepped into the steam and closed the door behind him.

They exchanged some idle chit chat as He Tian brushed his teeth and handed Mo Guan Shan the small bottles,a bar of soap, toothbrush, and toothpaste from the counter.

They traded places.

‘Fucking Christ!’ He Tian shouted.

‘Do you always shower in boiling water?!’

‘Yes.’

‘That can’t possibly be good for your skin.’

‘Very few of the things I like are good for me.’

He Tian nodded.

‘I sympathize.’

-

Eventually, both clean, they left the bathroom, donned their underwear, and collapsed on the bed.

‘How about that massage?’ He Tian asked.

He’d never done this before and wondered if he’d be terrible.

‘Yes, please.’ Mo Guan Shan mumbled, positioning himself on his stomach.

Sitting up and straddling the redhead’s hips, He Tian gently rubbed the tension from Mo Guan Shan’s shoulders.

‘Harder.’ He whispered.

He Tian closed his eyes, increasing the pressure with his thumbs.

‘Please don’t say that again.’

‘Sorry.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered into the pillow, clearly not sorry at all.

‘It just feels so good.’

He Tian dug his fingers in harder.

Mo Guan Shan groaned, melting into the mattress.

He Tian propped himself up on his knees, pointlessly trying to keep his agonizing erection from touching the man underneath him.

‘I don’t mind.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered.

He Tian hushed him, working his way down the knotted muscles.

‘Please don’t stop.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered.

He Tian seriously considered running into the bathroom and taking care of himself.

‘You can sit back down.’

He Tian shook his head.

‘I really can’t.’

Because he’s a monster, Mo Guan Shan lifted his hips, just enough to rub against He Tian’s crotch.

‘You need to stay still.’ He Tian hissed through gritted teeth.

‘I’m sorry, I’m not trying to-

‘Liar.’ He accused, cutting him off, freezing in place and forcing himself not to…

‘I’m sorry. Please don’t stop.’

He Tian moved back to his shoulders, gently working at a knot just below his shoulder blade.

Apparently, that was a sore spot.

Mo Guan Shan arched his back, crying out and rubbing his hips into the mattress.

‘He Tian, please…’

‘I can’t.’ He Tian whispered.

Mo Guan Shan propped himself up on his elbows, turning to look over his shoulder.

‘Stop being a bitch and just fucking do it.’ 

He Tian’s temper flared.

God.

Fucking.

Damn it.

He placed his hand between Mo Guan Shan’s shoulder blades, holding him down, and spreading his legs to press his cock in the crease of that perfect ass, grinding against him.

Not enough.

Mo Guan Shan gasped, taking fistfuls of silk sheets as he desperately sought friction against the mattress, squeezing his eyes shut.

Not enough.

He Tian rocked his hips, rubbing himself against that painfully sensitive spot again and again.

Not enough.

Mo Guan Shan whimpered, raising his hips to meet the man’s strokes as he picked up the pace, imagining, with each unforgiving thrust, how He Tian would feel inside of him.

Not enough.

He Tian dropped onto his elbows, moving his hand to wind his fingers in soft red hair and placed the ghost of kisses on the man’s exposed neck.

Not FUCKING enough.

‘M-more.’ Mo Guan Shan begged, desperate.

Unbelievably, deliciously, desperate. 

He Tian’s growl, low and savage, sent nearly painful shivers down his spine.

Sharp teeth nipped at delicate skin and Mo Guan Shan came with a desperate sob.

He Tian followed seconds later.

Waves of pleasure quickly turned to guilt.

He rolled off Mo Guan Shan.

‘Oh my god.’ He whispered, springing to his feet.

Mo Guan Shan propped up on his elbows again, confused, but He Tian was gone, clicking the bathroom door shut behind them.

He shook his head, feeling like an asshole as he rode out the aftershocks, realizing, after all that, he was the one that had taken advantage.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi's first time.

Jian Yi liked to think about their first time.

Zhengxi did too.

But they rarely talked about it.

Jian Yi had spent so many years desperately wanting his best friend.

Not just sexually, necessarily.

He just…wanted him.

After awhile, being friends wasn’t enough.

And, after a while, after being turned down so very many times- it was time to move on.

No one but Jian Yi knows the extent of the…troubles he had with his first boyfriend.

Not even Zhengxi.

But he knew enough to understand why Jian Yi was so immediately protective of Mo Guan Shan.

Zhengxi came to feel the same way almost immediately.

When Jian Yi was 17 years old he met a man that seemed to be pretty decent boyfriend material.

People like that often do.

He realized he was wrong quickly, swallowed his pride and told Zhengxi.

The next day he chose to bail his best friend out of jail and didn’t bother to visit the other man in the hospital.

Having had plenty of time alone with nothing to do but think, the first thing Zhengxi did when they stepped back into the sunshine was embrace Jian Yi.

The first thing he said was ‘I’m sorry.’

The second thing he did was hold Jian Yi’s face in his hands and kiss him until a police officer told them to clear out.

The second thing he said was ‘I love you.’

Things moved slowly between them.

Agonizingly slowly.

He Tian thought he was suffering on day four.  
Oh, please.

It took the two of them a year.

It was an agreement they’d made.

Jian Yi was terrified that Zhengxi was doing this out of guilt, or just to make him happy.

Zhengxi couldn’t stand the thought of irrevocably destroying their friendship, or push him too far too fast.

It was all hand holding and relatively innocent kisses for the first little while.

That graduated to small displays of public affection and a bit more contact.

They’d both taken to masturbating before meeting up.

Four months passed at a snail’s pace.

They’d moved on to careful hand jobs.

Six months in they moved in together, staying in separate rooms.

Eight progressively painful months passed.

They got very, very, drunk and Jian Yi gave Zhengxi a sloppy blowjob.

Zhengxi lasted all of four seconds.

Ten months, Jian Yi convinced (begged) him to finger him.

By the time the slowest year the world had ever seen was over, they’d both reached a level of desperation akin to insanity.

12 months doesn’t sound too bad, right?

52 weeks?

365 days?

8,760 hours?

525,600 minutes?

31,536,000 seconds?!

It was torture.

They planned to make an evening if it.

Zhengxi had the day off work.

He made all of Jian Yi’s favorite foods, picked out some romantic music.

He’d even lit candles.

He made sure they had plenty of lube and condoms.

He even got everything together for a bubble bath after it was all over.

Jian Yi came home from work, kicked his boots off and closed himself in the bathroom.

Before Zhengxi could process this fully, Jian Yi was back, stark naked, drying his hair.

He dropped the towel and made a beeline for Zhengxi.

He grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the living room.

‘What are you-’

‘Take your clothes off.’ Jian Yi demanded.

Even when he tried to argue that the food would get cold he had already started undressing.

When he was done, Jian Yi shoved him onto the couch and straddled his lap and kissed him deeply.

Jian Yi kissed down his jaw, sucking gently at the side of his neck, gently running his tongue over the sharp collarbone.

‘Jian Yi, I…’ he gestured towards the rapidly cooling food on the table half heartedly.

‘I can see that. Thank you. But as of right now, I’ve waited years to feel you inside me and I refuse to wait a fucking second longer.

‘G-give me the lube, I’ll get you ready.’ Zhengxi whispered, holding his hand out for the small bottle in the other man’s hand.

Jian Yi shook his head.

‘Took care of it in the shower.’ He explained, popping the cap open to pour a liberal amount into his palm before reaching down and spreading it over Zhengxi’s, already painful, erection.

He wasted no time sitting up on his knees, lining them up, and sinking down on him one inch at a time.

The wet, hot, pressure that engulfed him was so overwhelming he thought he was going to black out.

He didn’t take his eyes off Jian Yi’s face for a second.

The pain he tried to hide was heartbreaking but he clearly had prepared himself.

Before Zhengxi could tell him to take it slow, he had taken it all in.

Zhengxi stroked his back as he took several deep breaths.

Very slowly, the muscles around him began to relax.

Jian Yi lifted himself up on shaking arms before sinking down again.

‘Jian Yi, oh my god.’ Zhengxi’s voice was rough and strained.

He did it three more times.

Zhengxi shook with the effort of not flipping them over and fucking him the way he imagined several times a day.

Stay still.

Let him get used to it.

‘Ok.’ Jian Yi whispered.

‘I’m ready.’

‘What…what should I do?’ Zhengxi asked lamely.

Thankfully, Jian Yi understood.

‘I want you on top.’

They carefully maneuvered themselves so Jian Yi was flat on his back, Zhengxi between his legs.

‘Are you ready?’

Jian Yi nodded, skin bright red from the roots of his hair to the head of his cock.

‘I’ve been waiting for a very, very, long time to say this.’ Jian Yi informed him quietly, pulling the other man down by the back of his neck.

‘Fuck me, Zhengxi.’

He did not need to be asked twice.  
As gently as he could, he began to move   
his hips.

Jian Yi wrapped a leg around his waist, tilting his hips up with a soft, contented, sigh.

After several whispered pleas, Jian Yi froze, catching his attention.

‘Zhengxi. Fuck. me. harder.’ He growled, sending shivers down Zhengxi’s spine.

When you think of someone, there’s always a few pictures that pop into your head.

Images of them burned into your memory.

Maybe they were laughing, or smiling, or doing something stupid.

There’s always a picture or two that stick.

Months before that memorable night, Zhengxi had been experimenting.

Using instructions from the internet, (where all the most reliable instructions come from) he’d found his prostate.

It had been an uncommonly difficult feat and he didn’t do it often because the angle killed his shoulder, but he when he did it was more than a noteworthy experience.

Trying to use his vague knowledge to find Jian Yi’s was awkward and likely confusing, but the look on Jian Yi’s face.

The utter shock as his back arched and fingernails dug into Zhengxi’s shoulders as he came…

That was rarely far from his mind.

Zhengxi didn’t last much longer.

They cleaned up.

The atmosphere in the room was different than it had ever been.

The tension had eased.

The elephant in the room had found someone new to frustrate.

They ate dinner, talked about their respective days, washed dishes together, and made their way back to the bedroom.

There was no uncertainty this time.

No doubts or fear that either one of them didn’t want it.

Zhengxi spoiled Jian Yi just as he’d always imagined.

He held him closely as he fingered him for god knows how long, teaching them both about Jian Yi and.

He swallowed his embarrassment, starting with tiny licks and kisses around that tight, twitching, ring of muscle, and ended with his Zhengxi fucking his boyfriend with his tongue until he begged for his cock.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms only when the sun began to rise, grateful they’d taken the next day off work.


	23. Chapter 23

Mo Guan Shan slid off the bed, finding a discarded towel and cleaning himself up.

He knocked on the bathroom door gently.

‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ Came He Tian’s soft response.

‘Nope. Now. I promise I won’t touch you.’

Nearly a minute, an agonizing one at that, passed before He Tian opened the door.

Mo Guan Shan had put a shirt on, offering another to He Tian as he entered the room.

They sat on the edge of the bed, farther apart than they had in days.

‘I am so sorry.’

The sincerity in Mo Guan Shan’s words caught He Tian’s attention.

He looked up.

‘You’re sorry?’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘What the fuck do you have to be sorry for?’

‘This was my fault. I wanted it. I really wanted it. And, like an asshole, I pushed you. I promised I would stop if you kissed me, and I didn’t. That’s all on me. I was being selfish and I am so, so, sorry.’

‘This… is not remotely the reaction I was expecting.’

‘What were you expecting.’

He Tian thought about that for a moment.

‘I’m not sure, but it wasn’t an apology.’

‘This was completely my fault, and I hope you can forgive me and that I haven’t fucked things up between us.’

‘I forgive you.’ He Tian told him gently.

Relief flooded Mo Guan Shan’s face.

‘Even still…’ He Tian began, choosing his words slowly.

‘I shouldn’t have been so rough. I know you’re sore, and even if you weren’t I don’t know if you’re even into that kind of shit.’

Mo Guan Shan chuckled, unconsciously reaching up to gingerly touch the sensitive patch of skin on his neck.

‘Oh, I am. I really, really, am.’

He Tian took a deep breath, forcing the himself not to smile.

‘What now?’

Mo Guan Shan looked away, considering the question.

‘Well, we could pretend it never happened.

He Tian nodded slowly.

‘Is that what you want?’

‘You don’t want to hear what I want.’

He Tian sighed, exasperated.

‘Well I do now.’

‘I really enjoyed it and would be up for doing it again right now.’

‘You’re right. I didn’t want to hear that.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’

‘I’ll try.’

A long moment of silence.

‘Are there any more options?’

‘I guess we just accept it and move on?’

He Tian nodded.

‘That’s probably the correct course of action, isn’t it?’

‘Probably so.’ Mo Guan Shan confirmed.

He Tian flopped back onto the bed.

‘Why is the correct course always the most boring?’

Mo Guan Shan pushed himself off the bed.

‘I wish I knew.’

He grabbed two beers from the bar and the pack of cigarettes from the counter, holding them out to He Tian.

He laughed, following him onto the porch.

They each lit a cigarette, tapping their cans together.

‘To our vices, whatever they may be.’

‘Damn right.’

They took in the view, both lost in thought.

‘Are you still going to sleep with me? Mo Guan Shan asked.

He Tian choked on the drink he’d just taken.

‘In the bed, I mean.’ Mo Guan Shan clarified quickly.

‘I’m…not sure.’

‘I promise I won’t do anything. You can even build another pillow-wall between us.’

He Tian smiled.

‘Is it just me or does that seem like it happened years ago?’

Mo Guan Shan met his gaze.

‘More has happened in the last few days that happens to some people in years.’

‘How very wise of you.’

The redhead smirked.

‘What can I say, vague assurances are my expertise.’

‘That’s weird.’ He Tian informed him.

‘Well what’s yours?’

‘Making any given situation worse simply by being part of it.’

‘That’s like a super power.’

‘I would be a terrible superhero.’

‘But an awesome villain.’

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’

‘Nope.’

The silence had started to feel comfortable again when He Tian broke it.

‘Promise me that you’re not upset.’

‘I promise.’

‘And I didn’t hurt you?’

‘Not at all.’

He Tian looked skeptical.

‘He Tian, if I’d asked you to stop, what would you have done?’

‘I would have stopped!’

‘That’s all I need to know.’

‘Mo Guan Shan, even if I was a monster, all you would have to do is tell Zhengxi and he would arrest me on the spot. And probably kick my ads for good measure.’

‘I’m not calling you a liar, but I highly doubt that.’

‘Don’t. Zhengxi takes consent very, very, seriously.’

‘Oh, and he’d just throw you in jail?’

‘Without a second thought.’

‘Even though you’re friends?’

‘Especially because we’re friends. Between the three of us, we’ve seen more than enough abuse.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded slowly.

‘I suppose that makes sense.’

‘Good.’

‘I do trust you.’ Mo Guan Shan told him quietly.

‘I almost wish you didn’t.’

‘Too bad.’

-

Eventually, they made their way inside.

Mo Guan Shan took it upon himself to build the wall of pillows.

He Tian went to check on the cat.

Felix hissed at him, not even bothering to sit up.

Well, alright then.

Stopping by the guest bedroom, he pulled the comforter off the mattress before making his way back to the bedroom.

He found Mo Guan Shan in bed, leaning against the headboard and messing with his phone.

‘Take the blanket.’ He instructed Mo Guan Shan, holding up the one he’d acquired.

He Tian flicked off the last remaining light and settled on the mattress.

‘What time is it?’

‘Just after four.’

‘Jesus.’

‘Yeah.’

Mo Guan Shan turned his phone off, setting it on the bedside table.

After about an hour, He Tian assumed the other man was asleep and jumped at the sound of his voice.

‘What happens tomorrow?’

‘I guess we go home. Get you settled in.’

‘I guess that’s a good idea.’

He sounded slightly sad.

‘Is that not what you want?’

Mo Guan Shan was quiet for a moment.

‘I think I’m just putting it off.’

‘We could stay another night…’ He Tian suggested, more than half hoping he’d agree.

‘We should probably get back to the real world.’

‘A terrible place, really.’

They both laughed softly.

He Tian stared at the pillows between them in the soft light of the moon coming through the cracks in the curtains.

Time passed.

Mo Guan Shan shifted on the mattress.

‘I can’t sleep.’

‘Anything I can do?’ He Tian asked.

‘Will you put your hand on me?’ The redhead asked, almost too softly to hear.

Something about that request made his heart ache.

He Tian reached through the pillows, feeling around cautiously to find the other man was lying on his stomach.

He carefully slid his fingers under Mo Guan Shan’s shirt, tracing gentle circles over the soft skin of his lower back.

‘Thank you.’ He breathed, relaxing into the mattress.

‘Of course.’


	24. Chapter 24

He Tian woke to the sound of Mo Guan Shan stubbing his toe on the oddly placed coffee table and cursing loudly.

He laughed, rolling onto his back and toppling the pillows.

‘You alright?’

‘I will be after I light this fucking table on fire.’ He grumbled.

He Tian reached for the lighter he’d deposited on the bedside table and sat up, tossing it to the other man.

He smiled and tucked it into the waistband of his boxers, drawing He Tian’s attention to his obvious erection.

Following his line of sight, Mo Guan Shan flushed and joined him on the bed, falling on top of the ruined barrier and curling up into a ball inches away.

He would have mentally compared him to his cat, but his cat was kind of a dick, so he picked a nicer cat.

‘I’m sorry.’ He muttered, closing his eyes.

He Tian reached out to brush the hair off his forehead, feeling unusually fond.

‘Don’t apologize, kitten, It can’t be helped. Not with me in the room.’ He teased.

Mo Guan Shan opened his eyes to stare at He Tian, rapidly turning an alarming shade of red.

‘Kitten, huh?’ He asked with a grin.

He Tian nodded seriously.

‘Of all the pet names…kitten?’

‘Well, I WAS joking, but I like the way it makes you blush.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled, leaning into He Tian’s touch and licking his lips.

Fucking Christ.

One kiss.

They’d done that, and more, last night.

It couldn’t hurt, right?

He almost laughed.

-Junkie logic.-

He’d read that in a book once and it’d stuck with him.

There was no such thing as ‘just one more.’

Not with drugs.

Not with alcohol.

Not with cigarettes.

Not with sexy little redheads.

That ‘last one’ was nothing but a step backwards.

He knew this all too well.

And yet, he did nothing but hold his breath when Mo Guan Shan leaned in slowly, gently catching He Tian’s lower lip between his teeth and giving it a soft nip.

He Tian froze.

‘I’ll show you kitten.’ He whispered.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

There was a knock at the door.

Oh, thank god.

When Mo Guan Shan pulled away, the combination of relief and disappointment was like a punch to the gut.

Not for the first time in 8 hours, He Tian forced himself not to pin him down and shove his tongue down his throat.

‘I will make a monster of you, yet.’ He Tian promised gravely.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

When He Tian made no move to do so, Mo Guan Shan pushed himself off the bed.

He Tian waited until he looked away before running his tongue over his lip, wishing he’d left behind something to taste.

Kev had left quite the breakfast outside the door from them.

Waffles, pancakes, milk, orange juice, fresh fruit and whipped cream.

They ate and packed in silence.

Confused, frustrated, silence brought on by a sharp stab of adrenaline and diffused by breakfast food.

A few minutes later, Mo Guan Shan scooped up a hissing Felix, paying no attention to his attitude and putting him in the carrier.

He Tian found a pen and paper, leaving on the tray the cash he’d promised, a business card, and a note.

‘If you’re ever looking for a change of scenery, give me a call.’

They loaded the car, both waiting for He Tian to start the engine.

‘Ready?’

‘Nope.’


	25. Chapter 25

They drove in silence.

Well, relative silence.

Felix threw a temper tantrum for about an hour, yowling, and hissing.

‘Is he ok?’ He Tian asked.

‘Yeah, he’s just…adjusting.’

‘Adjusting to the car?’

‘Adjusting to being out of the house, I guess.’

‘How long has it been?’

Mo Guan Shan considered that for a bit.

‘About a year, I guess. That’s when I moved back in with my parents.’

‘What about before that?’

‘He was with me in my apartment in Seattle.’

‘Did you live alone?’

‘Nope. With my ex.’

‘What happened.’

‘We broke up.’

‘Why?’

‘We just…had different ideas about the future.’

‘Like what?’

Mo Guan Shan smiled.

‘Are we playing twenty questions?’

He Tian grimaced.

‘Sorry, I’m being a little nosy, aren’t I?’

‘I’m only teasing. Ask away.’

‘Ok, what were different ideas?’

‘He was in a hurry to settle down. Buy a house, have kids, all that.’

He Tian raised his eyebrows.

‘Was he your age?’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head, opening a soda and taking a drink.

‘He was 36.’

‘Oh. That makes a little more sense.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So that’s not what you want?’

‘It is, to an extent. Just…not with him, as it turned out. Not to mention the whole kid thing.’

‘So, what happened?’

‘He proposed. I said no. Relationships rarely make it through that.’

‘Did you want it to?’

‘No. I felt like I was wasting his time, so we broke it off. It was for the best, he’s married now and bought a house a few months ago.’

‘You guys still talk?’

‘He ended up with a friend of my sister’s, so we all go out for lunch from time to time.’

‘That all sounds very…adult.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘So, what about you? I imagine you’re not really the domestic type, no plans in that department?’

‘I’ve spent the last few years focused on the club. That didn’t leave time for much else.’

‘That doesn’t answer my question.’

‘Everyone I’ve been with has had their own plans for the future. I’m just a momentary convenience. A fun distraction for a night or two. It’s easier that way.’

‘That doesn’t answer my question either.’

He Tian smiled.

‘I guess in the back of my mind I’ve always assumed I’d settle down with someone at some point…’ he trailed off.

‘But…?’ Mo Guan Shan prompted.

‘But, as time passes I only come to pity the poor soul that tries.’

‘That’s very pessimistic of you.’ Mo Guan Shan chastises.

‘Maybe so but, in the long run, who could ever want someone with so much baggage?’ He asked bitterly.

The atmosphere in the car had shifted.

Mo Guan Shan took his hand.

‘Someone with a really big closet.’

In lieu of a response, He Tian lifted his hand, kissing his fingers softly.

-

Mo Guan Shan napped.

He Tian thought about the nights he’d spent alone.

And nights he’d spent with company, feeling impossibly more alone.

He thought about watching Jian Yi and Zhengxi as their relationship grew and changed over the years.

He’d always been happy for them, but for the first time-

He was…jealous?

The part of him that did want a meaningful relationship.

That part did want affection and love and security.

The part that had given up gone to sleep in an effort to hide from his nihilistic unpleasantness, had woken up, stretched, fetched a cup of coffee, and now watched patiently as the situation began to unfold.


	26. Chapter 26

Mo Guan Shan and He Tian made it home after what felt like several days in the car.

 

While they probably should have taken advantage of their time alone, they spent no more time getting to know each other, they spent the ride in a more or less comfortable silence.

 

They made it back to the apartment shortly after sunset.

Knowing the cat was going to be the biggest struggle, they opted to bring what they could and go back for the rest later.

‘Are they home?’ Mo Guan Shan asked as He Tian sifted through his keys.

‘I’m not sure. Both cars are here so one of them probably is.’

Upon entering the apartment, they learned that Jian Yi was the only one home.

‘Hey! Look who made it back!’ He announced with a smile.

He Tian chuckled.

‘We took a little detour.’

‘Was it fun?’ Jian Yi asked.

‘It really was.’

They dropped everything off in Mo Guan Shan’s room.

‘I’m going to set Felix up and take a shower, I feel disgusting.’

‘Yeah, you look disgusting.’

Mo Guan Shan gasped in mock offense.

‘Only teasing, take your time.’

Mo Guan Shan closed the door and He Tian made his way back to the kitchen.

‘So…’ Jian Yi began.

‘No. I did not fuck him.’

He scoffed.

‘Then what did you do with those nights alone? Play scrabble?’

He Tian laughed.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. We played Monopoly.’

‘And you still like each other? That’s a lot to put someone through right off the bat, He Tian.’

They both smiled.

He Tian sighed, checking the time on his phone.

‘Suffice it to say, I did not fuck him. But that is not for a lack of trying on his part.’

Jian Yi clapped politely.

‘Shut up.’

‘What? I’m proud of you.’

‘Yeah, yeah.’ He Tian grumbled.

‘For real though, suffice it nothing, I’m going to need to hear the actual story.’

‘Don’t you think it’s probably not a great idea to just tell you everything that happens between us?’

Jian Yi considered that. ‘It’s probably not.’

Another sigh.

They listened to see if the water was still running.

‘Ok. Well when we got to the hotel we went skinny dipping and and slept in the same bed because he had a nightmare but I built a pillow wall between us and then when we went to his parents house his mom asked if I was his boyfriend and he said yes and he got drunk and we shared a bed and he tried but I turned him down and then we left and were going to come home but he suggested we go to this resort he went to when he was younger and we stayed in this nice little cabin and got in the hot tub and there was this little fruit and whipped cream scenerio and we kissed and then we went inside and i gave him a massage and kinda dry humped him until we both came-’

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa…’ Jian Yi interrupted.

He Tian held up his hand up to shut him up.

‘-so then we resolved the awkwardness that came from that and went to sleep and then woke up and he had an erection and laid next to me and i managed to cause some pretty extreme sexual tension and he bit my lip and then we got up and drove home and now i’m here talking to you.’

He took a deep breath, hand still held up.

‘Interspersed, were several meaningful conversations where we got to know each other better and became significantly closer and i really really like him and now you’re all caught up.’

Jian Yi looked at him in astonishment.

‘I didn’t realize people could speak without punctuation.’

‘Jian Yi…’

‘Sorry, sorry, it’s all still sinking in.’

‘Yeah, tell me about it.’

‘So…all of that…’

The water shut off.

‘Yes. All of that. Are we done now?’

‘One question.’

‘Quickly.’

‘When you called me and asked if I was with Zhengxi…’

‘After I turned Mo Guan Shan down at his parent's house.’

‘What did he say? Zhengxi I mean.’

He Tian hesitated, looking away.

‘One of those things, huh?’ Jian Yi asked, looking slightly sad.

‘I suppose so.’

They were interrupted by Mo Guan Shan calling He Tian’s name from the bedroom.

Jian Yi smiled.

‘We ARE going to talk about this later.’

He Tian nodded.

‘I know.’

-

Mo Guan Shan knelt in the middle of the room, digging through one of the bags.

‘Hey, do you know where…’

He looked up, trailing off when he saw He Tian’s expression.

‘You alright?’

‘I just told Jian Yi everything that happened the last few days.’

He’d had no previous intention of saying that.

Mo Guan Shan raised his eyebrows.

‘How’d that go?’

‘Oh…Not bad.’

‘Good. Have you seen my black sweatshirt?’

He Tian blinked at him in the confusion.

‘It’s…um…in the black bag I think…you’re not mad?’

‘Why would I be?’

‘Because I gave Jian Yi pretty personal information.’ He pressed, confused by the lack of reaction.

‘Nah, he’s incredibly nosy and difficult to lie to. It’s alright.’

‘Are you always this understanding?’

Mo Guan Shan smiled, almost wistful, a faint glint of something unfamiliar in his eye.

‘Certainly not.’


	27. Chapter 27

Mo Guan Shan said something, donning a light green t-shirt that fit like it had been made for him and a pair of snug, gray, jeans.

He pulled on some socks and a pair of black tennis shoes.

Lastly, he went into the bathroom and fixed his hair.

He stepped back into the room, giving He Tian with a questioning look.

‘Sorry, what?’

‘I asked if you still want to go to the club.’ He repeated.

‘Oh…sure, let’s do it.’

‘You alright?’ The redhead asked, concerned.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. You look fantastic.’

Mo Guan Shan looked down at his outfit with a frown.

‘I dressed down a bit, I can put on something nicer…’

‘No. No, no. I do need to be able to talk and drive.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled, a faint tint to his cheeks.

‘So…should I lose the sequined thong?’

‘That’s not funny.’

‘It’s a little funny.’

He Tian rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

That’s what he’d been going for, at least.

The way Mo Guan Shan was looking at him told him he hadn’t quite pulled it off.

‘I’m going to go get cleaned up. I’ll meet you back here in half an hour or so.’

‘Sounds good.’

He Tian turned looked around the room.

‘Where’s the cat?’

‘Under the dresser.’

He Tian nodded as if that was the most normal thing in the world and turned to leave.

Mo Guan Shan waited until he left and checked his reflection one last time, trying to see himself the way He Tian did.

He made sure Felix had everything he needed and made his way into the living room.

Jian Yi turned to look at him, raising his eyebrows.

‘You look great.’

He fought the urge to ask what the difference was tonight that warranted compliments.

‘You’re coming with us, right?’

‘Of course. Come with me and let me check your various injuries while we wait.’

Mo Guan Shan followed him into the bathroom.

‘You got the stitches wet.’

It wasn’t a question.

‘Yeah. Sorry.’

Jian Yi pulled his kit out from under the sink, fishing around for a small pair of scissors, gently snipping the threads and removing them with a pair of tweezers.

He applied some ointment and a small band-aid.

‘They were in for long enough, it seems. The bruise is looking better. So is your lip. You look significantly less like you got your ass kicked.’

‘Excellent.’

‘Alright, let me see your ribs.’

Mo Guan Shan pulled his shirt over his head.

The oldest bruises were barely noticeable. The newest were fading slowly.

‘Does it still hurt?’

‘Not much.’

‘Take a few deep breaths.’

Jian Yi poked at him for a minute or so, seeming satisfied.

‘Last thing, take your pants off.’

‘And they say romance is dead.’

‘It is. Pants off.

Mo Guan Shan sighed, unbuttoning his jeans, working them down his hips and propping his leg up on the counter, fighting intense embarrassment as Jian Yi crouched down.

He applied some translucent gel to the scars and antibiotic ointment to the newest one, slapping another band-aid over it.

‘Alright, you’re good to go.’

Mo Guan Shan slid off the counter and redressed.

‘Are you alright?’

‘You tell me, doc.’

Jian Yi rolled his eyes.

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Yeah.’ Mo Guan Shan assured him. ‘I’m fine.’

The front door opened with a creak.

‘You guys ready?’ He Tian called.

Jian Yi raised his eyebrows questioningly.

‘Don’t leave me alone in there.’ Mo Guan Shan pleaded quietly.

Jian Yi reached out and gave his arm a light squeeze.

‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’

They joined He Tian.

-

The drive to the club was short and tense.

Both He Tian and Mo Guan Shan, for different reasons, became more nervous by the minute.

As always, He Tian drove like an asshole, so it didn’t take long.

He Tian pulled into his parking space, the yellow concrete barrier should have read ‘He.’ But had been crossed out with black spraypaint. 

Haphazardly painted next to it-

‘Asshole.’

‘Angry ex-employee?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Nope, that was me.’ Jian Yi piped up. ‘Just keeping him humble.’

He Tian snorted.

‘Thanks for the touch-up.’

‘Don’t thank me, I wanted it to be a dick.’

‘Lovely.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed, checking his pockets to make sure he had everything, and opening the door.

He Tian held his hand up, low enough for only Jian Yi to see.and waited for Mo Guan Shan to close the door.

‘I need to take care of whatever has undoubtedly gone wrong while I was gone. Don’t leave him alone in there.’

Jian Yi suppressed a smile.

‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’

They all exited the car.

He Tian locked the doors and led them around the building.

Mo Guan Shan froze when he saw a small line of loud, well dressed, people outside the door. 

He suddenly felt underdressed and even more unprepared.bombarding him with all the things that could possibly fo wrong here 

Especially for…whatever this was. 

A job interview?

People would undoubtedly realize they’d arrived together.

What would they assume?

What did he want them to assume?

What if the other employees were dicks?

What if he made an ass of himself?

Without missing a beat, Jian Yi grabbed him by the upper arm and fell into step with him as He Tian approached the bouncer.

‘Stand up straight and keep walking. No time for hesitation.’

Shocked, Mo Guan Shan let himself be pulled along, adding another item to what will be a very long list of things to thank Jian Yi for.

They reached He Tian, standing behind him while he finished his conversation and the bouncer stepped aside.

There was a very long moment when they stepped inside and let their eyes adjust.

Mo Guan Shan looked around, taking it all in.

He Tian watched him.

As the neons danced in his eyes and leached the color from his skin, he smiled.

Whoa.

Heart skipping in his chest, he took Mo Guan Shan’s hand and pulled him into the crowd.


	28. Chapter 28

Mo Guan Shan glanced over his shoulder, catching the briefest glimpse of the surprised smile that lit up Jian Yi’s face.

The crowd parted for He Tian.

A large portion of them clearly knew him.

The rest were likely just, understandably, responding to his general presence.

Mo Guan Shan got a few curious looks and unconsciously tightened his fingers around He Tian’s, who squeezed back.

They made it through the mass of bodies.

He Tian released his hand and leaned over to talk to the pretty young woman behind the bar.

Her gaze flicked to Mo Guan Shan over his shoulder.

She smiled.

She was very, very, pretty.

He must have asked her something because she stepped back and pointed towards the back of the bar.

He Tian turned around, an apology on his lips, but set his sights behind Mo Guan Shan, relief washing over his face.

Jian Yi plopped onto a bar stood and slapped his hand down on the bar.

‘Barman, i’ll take the usual.’

The bartender rolled her eyes and turned away.

He Tian smiled, leaning forward to speak into Mo Guan Shan’s ear.

‘I’ll be back as soon as I can. Damage control. Janie will make you anything you want.

‘Take your time.’

Mo Guan Shan looked to the bartender.

‘What can I get for you, honey?’

‘Whatever’s on draft is fine.’

She rolled her eyes again, looking back to Jian Yi.

‘Strawberry margarita. On the rocks, with sugar. Top shelf, please.’

She nodded, turning away.

‘I was fine with beer.’ Mo Guan Shan told her, embarrassed.

‘And I’m fine with dry toast, but I’d prefer an omelet.’

‘What…?’

‘Don’t settle for something you don’t actually want because you think you’re being an inconvenience or feel, stupidly, embarrassed. Confidence is key. People will respect you a hell of a lot more if you’re honest about what you want.’

Mo Guan Shan considered this as Janie sat the drink down in front of him.

‘But what if it is an embarrassing thing to order?’

Jian Yi scoffed.

‘Anyone that’s going to judge you for the drink you order isn’t someone worth impressing.’

Mo Guan Shan thought about people he’d dealt with in his early twenties that were very much the kind of people to judge you if you dare order anything ‘girlier’ than a light beer.

They DID suck, no arguing that.

But, being openly gay had been enough of a struggle there without drawing attention to yourself.

He watched Jian Yi lick the whipped cream off the glass of…whatever that was.

Looking around he saw several things that surprised him.

Two men sharing one of those comically large, colorful, drinks they serve in fishbowls.

Two women trying to eat the same cherry, clashing teeth, and collapsing into a fit of giggles.

Two men dressed in skirts and fishnets, in the middle of an intense arm wrestling match, cheered on by a group of, what looked to be, actual Hells Angels. Cuts and all.

A group of people at a large round table spin the bottle.

The walls were adorned with neon signs, pictures of wolves ranging from beautiful paintings and photographs to children’s drawings.

Every empty space held a mirror. Some in intricate frames, some simple squares or rectangles like you’d find in any bar, some actual broken shards. They gave the illusion that the room was much larger than it actually was.

One wall was full to overlapping with Polaroid snapshots of people kissing, each with two signatures on the strip of white at the bottom.

When he looked back, Jian Yi and Janie were watching him with matching smiles.

‘What do you think?’

‘It’s amazing.’ Mo Guan Shan told him.

It really was.

Janie poured them each a shot, holding her small glass up for a toast.

‘Welcome to The Black Wolf, sweetheart.’

-

He Tian finished up with Jenna.

He’d spent the last fifteen minutes assuring her that she’d done just fine and was not, in fact, fired.

Why did they all think he was such a dick?

He actively tried to be a nice boss but didn’t seem to be doing well.

He needed a fucking translator.

Sighing, he made his way back to the bar in time to see Mo Guan Shan, Jian Yi, and Janie toasting.

Mo Guan Shan wore a huge smile. 

He looked good here.

He looked happy.

He Tian approached them, lost in thought, and leaned over to place a soft kiss on Mo Guan Shan’s cheek before sitting down.

He looked up and Janie to order a drink.

She was watching him with wide eyes, mouth hanging open.

Confused as to what he could have possibly done wrong in such a short amount of time, he replayed the last 30 seconds in his mind.

Looking to his right, Mo Guan Shan and Jian Yi had suddenly found their drinks very interesting.

They both suppressed smiles.

Fuckers.

He looked back up, reaching for his wallet, handing her a very generous tip and holding his finger to his lips.

She pocketed it with a nod.

A young man called He Tian’s name from the end of the bar, looking panicked.

He looked between the three of them for a moment before standing and walking off in that direction.

Janie leaned against the bar, letting it sink in for a moment, face eventually breaking into a smile and shaking her head.

She poured three more shots, holding hers up.

‘To how fucking good you must look naked.’

‘As a medical professional, I can vouch for that.’ Jian Yi quipped, raising his own.

Jian Yi’s free hand on his thigh served as a reminder.

Confidence is key.

He clinked their glasses together.

‘Goddamn right I do.’


	29. Chapter 29

Jian Yi’s phone chimed.

‘I’m going to go assure the new bouncer that Zhengxi isn’t here on a bust. I’ll be right back.’

Mo Guan Shan and Janie nodded.

‘Thank god he won’t be finding the opium den in the back, right?’ Mo Guan Shan joked.

‘No opiates, but they’d probably be pissed about Julio’s stash.’

‘Of opium?’ He asked in surprise.

She laughed.

‘No opium. He mostly just deals weed and hallucinogens in the back.’

‘I…can’t tell if you’re joking.’

‘Not at all.’ She assured him.

‘He’s one of the only reasons we keep this place running.’

‘You have an onsite drug dealer?’

She smiled, pouring two more drinks.

‘How long have you been here?’

‘In Las Vegas?’ He asked.

‘Yes. In Las Vegas.’

‘Oh…a little over two months.’

‘You’ve been here for two months and we haven’t met you?!’ She demanded.

‘I just met He Tian on Monday.’

She handed out the drinks she’d been making and stood in front of him again.

‘You MET him on Monday?’

‘Yes.’

‘Like…last Monday?’

‘Yes.’

‘Seven days ago?’

‘…Yes.’

She studied him intently.

‘All jokes aside, how the fuck did you…’ She gestured in the direction He Tian had left, at a loss.

‘I honestly don’t know. It’s only just setting in how weird it apparently is.’

‘Even with-’

‘Even with Jian Yi and Zhengxi, yeah.’ He finished for her.

She furrowed her brow, turning away to take orders, continuing the conversation immediately when she came back.

‘Did you guys meet on a dating site or something?’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘No, he just stumbled upon me.’

‘That’s crazy.’

He understood her confusion it seemed pretty normal at this point, but it was starting to get to him.

Mo Guan Shan wasn’t necessarily an insecure person, but…damn.

‘Am I not good enough for him, or something?’ He asked, trying to keep any bitterness out of his tone.’

She paled.

‘No, no, no that is NOT what I meant! I didn’t mean to-’

He held a hand up to silence her.

‘It’s ok, I’m just trying to figure it out.’

‘I mean…I can tell you if you actually want to hear it.’

‘I do.’

Did he?

‘I don’t want you to stop liking him or anything…’

‘Don’t worry about that.’

She nodded, taking few more orders before pulling her own stool up behind the bar.

‘Alright. Well, I was one of the first people he hired. I’ve been here since it opened and I, like everyone, totally fell for him. I mean, he’s smart and funny, and one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen…’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

All true.

‘Please keep in mind that I was barely 21 at this point and thought I was just the shit.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled.

She looked away.

‘So I…tried to get with him.’

‘…’

‘He didn’t go for it. Turned me down immediately and never brought it up again.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded, encouraging her to continue.

‘Well, I was pretty insecure at the time from a few weird situations and assumed…’ She trailed off.

‘Assumed…’ Mo Guan Shan prompted.

‘I assumed he wasn’t into black girls. I know now that it was a ridiculous conclusion and I really hurt his feelings when I accused him.’

‘Alright, so he wasn’t into the girls he hired?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Nope. He’s always been a perfect gentleman with his employees. So, for awhile, we all assumed he was just a really nice guy.’

‘Maybe he just wanted his relationships to be private?’ Mo Guan Shan suggested, already knowing that wasn’t the case.

‘I don’t know, man. He’s here LITERALLY all the time. There was no way he could find time to keep up a healthy relationship.’

‘So, you realized you were wrong? About the gentleman part?’

The nodded, looking around to make sure no one was listening in.

‘Yeah. When business started to pick up, he went home with someone new on a regular basis. Mostly men but a there were some women in there too. It wasn’t a big deal, it’s not like he’s the only one that does it.’

‘I’m not seeing your point here.’

‘My point is, it’s odd to know someone for years and never see them even go home with the same person twice. So, you can imagine how odd it seems.’

Mo Guan Shan found he had no response to that.

She continued.

‘These last few days are the longest He’s ever been gone. A few of us honestly thought something awful had happened. Jian Yi had to come in and set the record straight.’

‘What did Jian Yi say?’

‘That he was on vacation. Which sounded like total bullshit.’

‘Why?’

She regarded him skeptically.

‘God, you really did just meet him. He’s not really the VACATION type. He won’t even take two days off in a row. He gives us all the holidays off and handles everything alone. It’s insane.’

‘Jesus.’

‘Yeah. So, since Monday, he’s only been here a few times and was clearly itching to leave. And then he up and leaves for several days. And then comes back with some mystery man. Tell me that’s wouldn’t surprise you.’

‘You’re right, I’m sure it would.’ Mo Guan Shan agreed.

‘Has he been with you the whole time?’ Janie asked.

Mo Guan Shan thought about that for a moment.

‘With the exception of a few hours here and there, yeah.’

Her expression was difficult to read.

‘Are you an asshole?’ She asked seriously.

‘Not… to my knowledge. Why?’

‘Because I don’t know how to give the if-you-hurt-him speech.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled.

‘Consider it given.’

They regarded each other in silence.

She turned away to take a few more orders.

He finished his drink.

She brought him a beer.

‘What happened to Jian Yi?’ He asked.

She nodded to his right.

Jian Yi was leaning against the wall a few feet away from the door.

Zhengxi propped himself up with a hand next to Jian Yi’s head.

The pose would normally be construed as intimate, but Zhengxi’s uniform made it look vaguely threatening.

People were watching them uncomfortably.

Honestly, it was hilarious.

Mo Guan Shan pulled his phone from his pocket, typing out a quick text.

Seconds later, Jian Yi pulled his from his pocket and began to laugh, holding the phone for Zhengxi to see.

They both looked to Mo Guan Shan.

Zhengxi took Jian Yi in his arms, kissing him passionately.

The audience they’d gathered applauded.

Jian Yi bowed.

Zhengxi laughed, embarrassed but ever indulgent.

‘Are you going to be working here?’ Janie asked suddenly.

‘I think so, yeah.’

‘What are you going to be doing?’

‘I’m not sure.’

‘Come be a bartender!’ She suggested excitedly.

‘I tried that once. It did not go well.’

‘Well that’s because you weren’t trained by me.’

He hesitated.

‘I actually have no idea what he has planned for me.’

‘If you have a choice, promise you’ll come bartend with me.’

‘Why would you even want me to?’ He asked, honestly baffled.

‘Oh, let’s see…’ she began sarcastically.

‘So far, you seem have a great attitude, fantastic sense of humor, and you’re absolutely gorgeous…’

‘All good points.’ Came a voice from behind him.

‘He Tian! Please tell me he’s going to be a bartender! Look at all the trouble he’s already caused. He’s perfect!’

He Tian laughed.

‘While his penchant to start trouble becomes him, I have a few positions he can choose from-’

‘And one of them is bartender?!’ She demanded.

‘Yes, Jane. One of them is bartender. Get back to work.’

She saluted him, turning back to her customers.

He Tian led him to a small office in the back of the bar.

He Tian sat behind the desk.

Mo Guan Shan sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs across from him.

He Tian sorted through one of the many stacks of paper.

‘I am just now remembering that I don’t have your resume or any paperwork for you and this is completely pointless.’

‘Oh…I can pull my resume up online if you want, but none of my past jobs are remotely related.’

‘We can pretend you did that.’

‘I can give you some references…’

‘We can pretend you did that also.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘That works for me.’

‘Alright, what I need is…I don’t want to call it… I haven’t been actively trying to hire anyone because…’

‘Dude.’

‘I need an assistant. Not like someone to bring me coffee, just someone that can talk to my employees without making them cry. Try as I might, that is not my strong suit and everyone that works here is either an asshole or crazy.’

‘Why me?’

‘Well, everyone I’ve introduced you to seems to adore you right off the bat and, so far, you’re only outwardly cruel to me.’

‘You’re not going to say I’m not crazy.’

‘No. I’m pretty sure you’re out of your mind.’

‘That’s fair. So what does the position entail?’

‘Mostly just helping me keep track of paperwork and bills, reminding me to do things I promised to do, talking to people for me. Stuff like that. Technically it’s filed under ‘manager’ so you’d be getting a manager’s pay as well as benefits after a month.’

‘I’ll take it.’ Mo Guan Shan told him with a small smile.

‘Really? You don’t want to think about it first?’

‘Nope, I’m in.’

He Tian could stop his smile as he passed Mo Guan Shan some papers to sign.

‘When do I start?’

‘It’s a salaried position, so technically…’

He took the papers from Mo Guan Shan and finished up his own signatures.

‘…right now.’

Mo Guan Shan stood and walked behind the desk.

He Tian was expecting a hug or a handshake or some other of gesture of gratitude.

Instead, he stopped directly in front of him.

He Tian sat back in his chair, wishing he’d bought one with wheels so he could more easily put some distance between them.

Mo Guan Shan leaned back against the desk.

‘So, this is the part where I do you some kind of sexual favor, right?’ He asked as casually as one would ask about the weather.

He Tian closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again.

‘Unfortunately, no.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled, stretching his arms above his head

‘Too bad, maybe next time.’

He Tian looked down at the strip of exposed skin between his jeans and shirt, catching a glimpse of silver where his pants had started to slip.

Oh fuck.

‘I thought you said you weren’t going to wear those.’

Mo Guan Shan lowered his arms, looking down at He Tian and following his gaze.

He lifted the front of his shirt again, slowly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them to expose enough of the garment to confirm He Tian’s suspicions.

‘These?’ he asked innocently.

‘Yes. Those.’

He Tian’s voice was strained and rough.

He knew he should look away.

He should stand up and walk out of the office…

‘No, I said I wouldn’t wear the sequined ones. These are just silver.’

He Tian was at a complete, desperate, loss as Mo Guan Shan toyed with the waistband of his thong.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

He Tian moved forward in the chair, spreading his legs to get as close to Mo Guan Shan as possible.

He put one hand on his thigh, using the other to pull the front of the ridiculous underwear and placed several wet, open-mouthed, kisses from the hollow of his hip to the crease of his thigh, shivering at the sensation of smooth skin under his tongue.

He shaved.

Of-fucking-course he did.

‘Oh my God.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered, running his fingers through his dark, silky hair.’

He Tian froze, pulling back suddenly.

Mo Guan Shan was beautifully flushed and practically panting.

‘Why are you doing this to me?’ He Tian asked with a groan.

Mo Guan Shan adjusted himself, fixed his jeans, and leaned forward, bracing himself on the back of He Tian’s chair and whispered in his ear.


	30. Chapter 30

The main things The Wolf prided itself on was the music and the drinks.

Considering those are the main components of nightlife, it has to stand out. 

A few times a month they had themed nights.

From 60s/70s/80s/90s to jazz, electronica, heavy metal, country, rock, alternative, rap, pop, you name it.

For the most part, Mark and Julio had free reign.

Mark had the unique talent of reading the room and could get anyone from a bachelorette party to a group of office workers winding down from a long day on the dance floor or, at the very least, nodding their head to the music.

Two years ago, with He Tian’s enthusiastic support and generous backing, started his own company.

He’d offered to stay on at the club part-time, but He Tian turned him down, choosing to pay out the ass to bring him in at his going rate a few times a week.

Mark had taken it upon himself to train Julio in whatever dark arts he must practice, so they were never without a remarkably talented dj.

A ridiculous inside joke had given each staff member and several regulars personal theme songs they’d play when they entered the building, providing it wasn’t too busy.

Jane had been given full control of the bar in the same way. She’d taken the idea and made them each a personalized drink and endless supply of unique drinks based on movies and tv shows.

His first hires had been Mark, Jane, and Annie.(who had gone on to open one of the most popular underground dance clubs in the city, again with the support and assistance of He Tian.)

They’d managed to build something unique and beautiful and he’d compensated them all very well from the beginning.

Which wasn’t necessarily a good business move.

Without Julio’s green thumb they would have shut down in a month.

He didn’t like to talk their success because he hated people that went around flaunting that shit, but he’d poured his heart and soul into those two thousand square feet.

After three years, even a slow night brought in plenty for all of them to pay rent every month.

Given the chance, he loved to talk about it. 

They all did.

The only story he didn’t happily tell was Jane’s.

-

He’d met her at a strip club during a friend’s bachelor party.

She was, by far, one of the most beautiful people He Tian had ever seen.

What really got him was her attitude towards it all.

He’d been to many, many, strip clubs in his life- it comes with the territory- and figured, at 26, he’d seen it all.

In the end, what got him wasn’t her beauty.

She was one of four girls on stage.

Her skin glistened with sweat, her hair stuck to her shoulders and chest.

There was nothing bored or forced about her performance.

She moved to the music, nothing half-assed or repetitive about it, more than once using the pole in front of her as an air guitar or microphone.

She wore a pair of lacy, bright pink, panties. 

She danced barefoot, a huge smile on her face.

To his astonishment, she had no audience. 

He moved away from his friends and gestured for her to come over when the song ended.

She’d walked to him shyly, looking at the ground and led him to one of the rooms in the back.

He sat back in the seat as she straddled his lap.

‘Be still, please.’

She’d frozen.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I don’t want a lap dance.’ He’d explained.

‘Sir, I think you might be confused-’

‘I’m not. Hear me out.’

She placed her hands on his shoulders, sitting back on thighs.

‘I’m listening.’

‘I’m opening a club…’

He paused at the disgusted look on her face.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I’m not a fucking prostitute!’

Fuck.

‘No, no, no that is NOT what I’m trying to say.’

She leaned back further, crossing her arms across her chest.

He reached for his jacket where he’d sat it down next to him, holding it up and slowly wrapping it around her shoulders.

Skeptically, she pushed her arms through the sleeves.

‘What’s your name?’ He asked softly.

‘Jane.’

‘You can get off, Jane. I don’t want a lap dance.’

Slowly, she slid off his him, looking down at his lap, both surprised and relieved at his lack of erection.

She plopped down on the booth next to him.

‘What kind of club?’ she asked.

‘Just your average club, I suppose. Drinks, music, the usual.’

‘Right… so why me? There are four gorgeous girls out there that-’

He Tian shook his head.

‘I want you.’

‘But why?’ She pressed.

He smiled.

‘Are you happy here, Jane?’

‘Yes.’ She answered immediately.

He Tian raised his eyebrows.

‘Maybe not.’ She conceded.

Popular opinion seems to be that dancers all hate their lives and do it out of desperation, but He Tian had met many men and women talented, proud, and happy with their chosen profession. 

Hell, he’d met more happy dancers than most other professions. 

But, like literally everything, it wasn’t for everyone. 

‘I need someone to help me.’ He told her.

‘I don’t know anything about clubs, dude.’

‘I can teach you.’

‘Tell me why.’ she demanded.

He Tian searched for the right words to say as she wrapped herself in his favorite sweatshirt.

‘Honestly, I’m not entirely sure.’

She stared at him dubiously.

He had nothing else to say.

‘What would I be doing at this club?’

‘I need a bartender.’

‘I’ve never done that before.’

‘I can teach you.’

‘Just tell me why!’ She was getting frustrated.

‘You just used the pole as an air guitar.’

‘Is that part of the interviewing process?’

‘It is now.’

She suppressed a smile.

‘How much do you make right now?’ he asked.

‘Seven bucks an hour. Plus tips.’

‘I’ll pay you twelve plus any tips you make. That’s all I can afford right now.’

She tried to hide her shock.

‘Is that what you pay all your employees?’

‘I don’t have any employees yet.’

‘How do I know I can trust you?’

‘You don’t.’

Jane played with the zipper on the sweatshirt.

‘I’ll think about it.’

He Tian stood, pulling his wallet from his pocket, writing his phone number on the back of a receipt and handing her all the cash in his wallet.

She accepted the cash and paper, standing to remove the jacket.

‘Keep it. It looks much better on you.’

He Tian smiled, leaving her alone in the small room.

-

Three days later, she slept on He Tian’s couch.

-

One week later she used a paint roller as a microphone as he painted the walls black.

-

Two weeks later she helped pick out the bar stools and tables.

-

Three weeks later she stocked the newly installed bar as He Tian used an unopened bottle of vodka to serenade her.

-

One month later she sat his friends at the bar and made them sample drinks.

-

Thirty-two days later they stood hand in hand as a line formed for their grand opening.

-

Thirty-eight days later, she stood behind the bar, serving drinks as He Tian watched with a smile.

-

Forty-six days later, He Tian gently turned down her advances and she deeply upset him by accusing him of being racist.

Seventy-three days later He Tian watched a charming young man ask her on a date.

Ninety-seven days later she came to work with a black eye.

Ninety-eight days later she cleaned aforementioned young man’s blood off his knuckles and provided him with an alibi.

One hundred and forty days later she was thrown a surprise birthday party complete with bright blue, fruity cocktails He Tian had designed just for her.

‘Janie’ is still a drink you can order at The Wolf.

Three hundred and sixty-five days later, they celebrated their first year with the unveiling of a covered, heated, patio.

Four hundred and eighty-seven later, He Tian handed her the keys to her first car after giving a speech about he couldn’t have dreamed of getting this far without her.

Eight hundred and sixty-three days later she caught the first glimpse of genuine sadness she’d seen on his face as his two best friends enjoyed the enormous party celebrating their tenth anniversary.

One thousand, two hundred, and twenty-eight days later, he disappeared with nothing but a text.

‘J, hold down the fort, I’ll be back soon.’

One thousand, two hundred, and thirty-five days later, she stood in front of the person who had finally gotten under his skin and smiled.


	31. Chapter 31

‘Because I like the way it makes you blush.’

He Tian groaned in frustration, as Mo Guan Shan straightened up.

‘You’re kind of terrifying. You know that, right?’

Mo Guan Shan smirked.

‘Oh yeah.’

He Tian sighed, pushing himself out of the chair.

He stood in front of the mirror on the office door and tried to make himself look like he’d just given a job interview, not had a moment of insanity and nearly sucked a dick.

‘You know, I’m pretty sure that constitutes sexual harassment now that I’m your boss.’

Mo Guan Shan stood suddenly.

‘Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t tell me-’

He Tian caught his gaze in the mirror and winked.

‘Oh, it’s true. So if you feel like suing me…’

‘I’ll keep that in mind.’

He Tian sighed at his reflection, breathing deeply, forcing himself to relax.

It hardly mattered.

Jane, Jian Yi and Zhengxi would see right through him. 

‘What now?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Well, the club doesn’t close for a few hours so we could rejoin the others at the bar if you want.’

‘Sounds good to me.’ Mo Guan Shan agreed, approaching the door.

‘Wait a second.’ He Tian instructed.

Mo Guan Shan stopped in front of him, letting slip a small gasp when He Tian reached for his crotch.

He Tian fastened the button he’d missed, smoothed some of the wrinkles out of his shirt, and ran his fingers through messy, red, hair in an effort to make him look less like…well…someone who had almost got their dick sucked.

‘Gee, thanks, Dad.’ He scoffed, rolling his eyes with a smile, running his own fingers through his hair to get it into its normal position.

He Tian simply gaped at him.

‘…What?’ The redhead asked, taken aback by his expression.

He Tian shook his head.

‘Nothing. Shut up. Let’s go.’

Mo Guan Shan looked genuinely confused.

For fuck’s sake, he really couldn’t catch a break with this kid.

‘But-’

‘No.’

He Tian open the door and pushed a confused Mo Guan Shan out of the office.

They rejoined the others at the bar.

‘Are you hired?’ Zhengxi asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Are you a bartender?!’ Jane demanded.

‘No.’

‘God damn it.’

‘So what’s the job?’ Jian Yi asked.

Mo Guan Shan opened his mouth to answer but realized he hadn’t been given an official title and neither he or He Tian wanted ‘assistant’ to come into it.

‘Employee relations manager.’ He Tian filled in after a few seconds.

Jian Yi scrunched up his face.

‘Is that even a thing?’

‘He needs someone who can deal with employees without making them cry.’ Zhengxi explained.

‘Yeah, pretty much.’ He Tian confirmed.

‘Why does he get to be a manager?! I’ve been here for three years and I’m not even a manager.’

‘…Yes you are.’ He Tian informed her.

‘Am I?’

‘Yes, Jane. You’re the food and beverage manager. We’ve discussed this.’

‘Well, I should get a raise.’

‘You did get a raise. How do you not remember this?’

‘What are my managerial duties?’

He Tian took a deep breath.

‘I will talk to you about this tomorrow.’

‘Mo Guan Shan will talk to you about this tomorrow.’ Jian Yi corrected.

They all laughed.

Jane brought a new round of drinks.

The buzz Mo Guan Shan had attained before his quasi-interview was gone and he aimed to get it back.

They talked about their respective days.

Janie griped about a guy she’d been seeing not texting her.

‘Well, maybe you should just text him.’ He Tian reasoned.

She rolled her eyes.

Zhengxi told them about talking to an incredibly intoxicated elderly couple, apparently in town celebrating their 50th anniversary, who had gotten complaints about trying to enter multiple restaurants and casinos stark naked.

He hadn’t had it in him to ticket them, simply sticking them in a cab with a stern look at the driver and sending them back to their hotel to sleep it off.

‘How will you ever meet your quota?’ Jian Yi asked.

If he’d been attempting sarcasm, he’d failed.

At first, it had struck Mo Guan Shan as odd just how much Jian Yi hated his boyfriend’s chosen profession.

However, upon actually putting some thought into it, he’d feel the same way.

Watching the person you love go to work every day and actively put themselves in dangerous positions in one of the most dangerous cities in the country.

A friend of his back home had dated an officer for about a year.

They’d ended it when she got sick of the constant worrying.

The most dangerous thing that happens in that town is the occasional fender bender.

Jian Yi told them about removing a switchblade from a very large, very high, very angry, man’s thigh while he was strapped to the stretcher and restrained by two fellow medics who were failing to sedate him.

Mo Guan Shan fought the urge to point out the hypocrisy.

Well, he’d been fully planning to do exactly that when He Tian kicked him in the shin.

Another drink and some idle chatter later, Daniel showed up.

It took a few minutes of confusion for everyone to realize who he was.

Janie returned from the back room with more limes straws and smiled widely.

‘Look, Janie, Daniel is here!’ Jian Yi exclaimed before she could say anything.

Her smile faltered.

She’d been incorrectly referring to him as Derek in her complaints.

Zhengxi snorted into his drink and the four men were sent to the farthest table from the bar by their embarrassed waitress.

She left poor Daniel at the bar to bring them drinks.

‘Better be careful, Janie. Derek might get jealous.’ Zhengxi joked.

Having nothing to say in her own defense, she simply flipped him off and retreated.

They resumed their argument on which actor had made the best Batman.

He Tian had been collectively shunned by insisting it was Ben Affleck.

Mo Guan Shan’s phone chimed on the table.

Zhengxi and He Tian were distracted by their heated argument, so Jian Yi was the only one that caught the look on the redhead’s face when he checked the text.

Jian Yi announced that he was going to show Mo Guan Shan a picture on the wall covered in Polaroid snapshots and dragged him from the table.

The others barely spared them a glance.

The midnight crowd had begun to trickle in so there was plenty of cover as Jian Yi led him to the restroom.

Jian Yi closed the door behind them and kicked the stopper under it, locking it the best he could.

Mo Guan Shan immediately headed for a stall, slamming it shut behind him and emptied his stomach.

‘What’s up?’ Jian Yi asked.

‘Nothing, I…drank too much.’

‘Don’t lie to me.’

Silence.

‘Mo Guan Shan…’

The man in questioned dropped his phone onto the tile and slid it under the door.

Jian Yi picked it up.

The open text on the screen turned his stomach.

It’s amazing how something as simple as ‘hey’ could ruin a perfectly nice night when attached to the right number.

‘Is this She Li?’ Jian Yi asked pointlessly.

‘Yeah.’

‘You didn’t block him?’

‘It’s his friend’s number.’

‘Block him too.’

‘He has a lot of friends.’

‘So change your number.’

No response.

‘I can do it for you if you-’

‘It won’t make a difference.’

Jian Yi was confused by that.

‘Of course it will. You just have to…’

Mo Guan Shan pushed himself to his feet and flushed the toilet.

He didn’t look at Jian Yi when he left the stall.

He washed his hands and splashed water on his face.

‘It doesn’t matter. Let’s just go back out there.’

‘Hey.’

Mo Guan Shan ignored him.

‘Hey!’

He met his gaze then.

‘I’m fine.’

Everything from his blotchy skin to his red rimmed eyes said differently.

Jian Yi raised his eyebrows skeptically.

‘You’re not.’

‘Really, Jian Yi. I’m not going to ruin everyone’s night with this shit.’

Knowing an argument, this argument in particular, wasn’t going to change anything, Jian Yi conceded.

‘At least take a minute to calm down.’

Mo Guan Shan shrugged, leaning back against the counter as Jian Yi wet a power towel with cool water and instructed him to hold it over his face to decrease the redness and swelling.

‘You know you’re a hypocrite, right?’ Mo Guan Shan asked from behind the towel.

Jian Yi smiled sadly, fully aware of what he meant by that.

‘I do know that, yeah.’

They spent a few minutes in silence.

Jian Yi watched the pulse point in his neck as his heart rate returned to nearly normal.

‘Ready?’

Mo Guan Shan tossed the paper towel in the trash and nodded.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’

Jian Yi held his hand out.

‘Phone.’

Mo Guan Shan sighed, handed it to him, and led the way back to the table.

Jian Yi tried to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind telling him that this was only the beginning.

They arrived at the table to a round of shots and fresh beers.

‘Everything alright?’ He Tian asked, looking up.

Avoiding the question, Mo Guan sat down.

‘You know your number is written on the bathroom stall, right?’

‘Oh, I put it there.’

They all laughed.

He Tian reached for his hand.

Sensing the tension, Zhengxi pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text.

With a prerecorded record scratching sound, the song changed.

Jian Yi smiled, once again standing and, once again dragging Mo Guan Shan to his feet.

This time his destination was the dance floor.

Mo Guan Shan took the shot in front of his seat.

And He Tian’s for good measure.

When they’d disappeared into the crowd Zhengxi turned to He Tian.

While the others were gone, he’d stashed his jacket, shirt, badge, belt, and gun behind the counter and attempted to make himself look less like he was going to, as He Tian had so elegantly put it, enforce justice.

They finished their drinks, split the remaining shot, and went to hunt down their respective objects of affection.

Jian Yi had the endearing habit of all but giving Zhengxi lap dances while standing and bringing everyone within a ten foot radius to a halt.

He Tian used the opportunity to pull Mo Guan Shan through the crowd, towards the makeshift dj booth they’d built for Julio.

He watched Mo Guan Shan watch the crowd, thinking back on the conversation he’d had with Zhengxi when the two had walked away.

‘I wonder what that’s all about.’ Zhengxi had asked, knowing exactly what it was about.

‘I have no idea.’ He’d lied.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of sexual abuse

Right before three, Julio has stopped the music again, opting for something softer.

‘Closing time, open all the doors and let you put into the world.’

The crowd protested weakly, making their way to the door or to the bar to close their tabs or take them up on that one last call for alcohol

‘Closing time, turn all of the lights off over every boy and every girl.’

He Tian, Mo Guan Shan, and Jian Yi met by the door. Zhengxi had to go back to the bar for his things.

‘You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.’  
They all managed to sneak out before they were roped into helping close.

Zhengxi and Jian Yi followed He Tian and Mo Guan Shan home and sang their way into the apartment.

‘I know who I want to take me home.’

‘‘I need to go to my place and feed my fish.’ He Tian told him, stopping in front of his door.

‘You have a fish?’

‘His name is dumpling. Jian Yi gave him to me as a present so I wouldn’t be alone but couldn’t be trusted to take care of anything that needed any more attention or effort. Thinking about now, I’m thinking it might have been more of a stab at my competence than a gift…’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘Ah, yes, the good old passive aggression fish.’

‘Do you want me to come over after?’

‘You know I do.’

He Tian let himself into his dark, cold, apartment.

He flicked the light on.

Dumpling stared at him from the bookcase.

He experienced a sudden jolt of unexpected guilt.

Damn it.  
He showered quickly, brushed his teeth, changed into comfortable clothes and stood in front of the fish as it silently judged him.

‘Don’t look at me like that, buddy. I didn’t ask for this responsibility.’

The fish didn’t respond.

He sprinkled some unnecessarily expensive flakes of food into his bowl.

‘Am I supposed to leave a light on for you? Or the tv?’

Dumpling swam in circles around the bowl, eating quickly and ignoring He Tian.

‘Look, I don’t know how to properly nurture a fish emotionally, alright-’

His phone went off in his pocket.

He Tian’s that is.

Fish are sadly lacking in both pockets and handheld electronics.

‘Is your fish in a bowl or a tank?’

‘Bowl. Why?’

‘You should bring him with you.’

‘You want me to bring my fish?’

‘See above message.’

‘Alright, crazy.’

He Tian grabbed his phone charger, keys, and fishbowl and headed down the hall, nearly running into a man he’d never seen as he left the apartment next door.

He looked He Tian up and down, taking in his disheveled hair, fish, pajama pants, and lack of shoes.

The man said nothing.

‘You a friend of Mandy’s?’

‘Her boyfriend.’

‘Nice. Tell her she still has my lemon zester.’

‘I…will do that.’

He Tian winked and continued on his way, leaving the young man confused on the doorstep.

It it actually Zhengxi’s lemon zester and He Tian was the one that had it.

He’d just thought it would make for an interesting conversation.

Something along the lines of-

‘I met your neighbor in the hall. He was wearing pajamas and carrying a fish. He said you have his lemon zester.’

He let himself into the other apartment.

The three men watched him as he crossed the living room, sat Dumpling down on the table, grabbed a drink from the fridge, and joined them.

‘It’s going to be a damn zoo in here by the time the dog comes back.’

Jian Yi rolled his eyes.

‘A dog, a cat, and a goldfish. We should advertise for the world’s most boring zoo.’

‘Don’t forget He Tian.’

The man accused of being an attraction covered his heart and gasped.

‘Xixi, you wound me.’

Zhengxi blushed.

‘Xixi?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘That’s what Jian Yi called called him when they were kids, Zhan Xixi.’

‘Why do you tell people that?’ Zhengxi asked Jian Yi, taking a drink.

‘Because it’s funny.’

‘Shut up.’ Zhengxi grumbled.

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘I think it’s sweet.’

They talked for awhile.

They all gave Mo Guan Shan bits and pieces of interesting trivia about the bar.

Jian Yi told him that the first picture on the kissing was was of Zhengxi and himself.

He Tian told him about the gun they kept behind the bar, and the other in his desk drawer.

‘Christ, is it really that dangerous here?’ He’d asked incredulously.

‘It certainly can be.’ Zhengxi confirmed.

‘Fremont attracts a certain crowd.’

‘It’s like Frenchman street vs. Bourbon street in New Orleans.’ Jian Yi explained.

‘I’ve never been to New Orleans.’ Mo Guan Shan admitted.

‘Well, that was my only comparison.’

He Tian chuckled.

‘It was a really bad one. Just stick with me and I’ll teach you everything you need to know.’

Zhengxi cleared his throat.

Jian Yi raised his eyebrows.

He Tian waved his hand dismissively.

‘They can be useful.’

‘I, for one, think you’re all pretty damn heroic.’

Mo Guan Shan told them, sincerity clear on his face.

Jian Yi smiled.

Zhengxi flushed.

He Tian’s heart stuttered.

‘Well, now I feel like a dick.’ He joked.

‘You ARE a dick.’ Zhengxi informed him.

He Tian raised his drink in either agreement or surrender.

Mo Guan Shan loved the fact that they could talk like that and keep the atmosphere light and teasing.

He’d never had friends like this.

He’d had the kind of friends that would come over after work or school, drink a few, play some videogames and barely talk.

As they got older everyone coupled up, leaving them all with less and less time together, save for the occasional ‘guys night’ or double date.

It clearly wasn’t like that with these three.

He Tian didn’t seem like a third wheel.

They clearly had their own, unique, friendships and all needed each other in different ways.

It was endearing and, quite frankly, beautiful.

Content, he half-listened as they recounted stories about the bar, about their friends, about how things had changed over the last few years.

He thought back on what Jian Yi had said a few days ago.

About waiting for a final puzzle piece.

He wondered if he still thought that.

He wondered if He Tian felt that way too.

He finished his drink, hit with a sudden wave of exhaustion and apparently wasn’t the only one.

Jian Yi, sat up stretching his arms above his head.

‘I’m going to crash. Mo Guan Shan, come let me check you out real quick.’

He Tian and Zhengxi watched them go.

They closed the door behind them and Zhengxi laughed softly.

‘I wouldn’t mind watching that.’

‘I’d pay money to watch that.’ He Tian raised.

Mo Guan Shan followed Jian Yi into the sparsely decorated room and pulled his shirt over his head.

‘Everything is looking good. How’s your pain level?’

‘I’m still a little sore, but it’s not too bad.’

Jian Yi poked and prodded at his ribs, his cheek, his lip.

Lastly, he checked the scars on his thigh, nodding his approval.

‘Take the cream with you. Put it on once a day and they’ll keep fading. They’ll never go away completely, but they’re already looking better.’

‘Thanks, Jian Yi.’

‘Of course. Go get some sleep.’

Jian Yi looked like he had something to say, but stayed silent and Mo Guan Shan was grateful.

He didn’t think he had it in him to do any more talking tonight.

They said their goodnights and Mo Guan Shan left the room.

‘I’m going to go follow his example. It’s been a long day.’ He told He Tian and Zhengxi.

‘I’ll be right behind you.’ He Tian told him with a smile.

Zhengxi snorted a laugh.

Mo Guan Shan winked, opening the door slowly, making sure the cat wasn’t going to bolt.

It was unnecessary considering he was still under the dresser.

He Tian sighed.

‘So…what’s with the fish?’ Zhengxi asked.

‘That’s Dumpling.’

‘…I’m almost positive that’s a fish.’

‘Dumpling is his name.’

‘That’s a stupid name.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Right. So why is Dumpling here?’

‘Mo Guan Shan told me I should bring him over.’

‘Any particular reason?’

‘I’m sure, but I don’t know what it is.’

‘Story of my life, friend.’

-

Mo Guan Shan lowered himself to the floor and reached under the dresser in an attempt to pet Felix but was met with a hiss.

‘Stop being so dramatic.’

He took a longer shower than normal, easing the tap slowly until the water was as hot as he could stand it and let it beat down on his back as he lathered the washcloth with soap.

He ran his fingers over his hips and pelvis, he felt He Tian’s dried saliva reliquify and wash away.

Leaning his head back, closing his eyes and wetting his hair, he thought back to the look on He Tian’s face when he finally cracked.

The way he’d looked at him like he’d never wanted anything more.

The way he’d tightened his fingers painfully on his hip.

The way his tongue had felt as it dipped into the crease of his thigh.

The way he’d gotten so, SO, close to…

He wrapped his fingers around his cock and the the scene he was playing back in his head twisted.

He was back in that apartment, bent over the side of the bed, held down by one of She Li’s friends with a man he’d never met behind him.

The man moved, none too gently, and reached underneath him to touch him the way he was touching himself now as Mo Guan Shan sobbed quietly into the mattress.

His eyes snapped open and he yanked his hand away, his erection long gone.

Fuck.


	33. Chapter 33

Roughly an hour after Mo Guan Shan and Jian Yi retired, He Tian and Zhengxi shut off the lights and television and went their separate ways.

Zhengxi found Jian Yi stark naked, spread out across the mattress, fast asleep and smiled.

He Tian found Mo Guan Shan curled up under the blanket, unsure if his state of dress and frowned.

Something in the room felt…off but he couldn’t quite pin it down.

He say the fishbowl down on the desk and wondered how the cat would feel about this.

He crossed the room and crawled onto the slowly deflating air mattress, leaned back against the bedside table and opened the book he’d found on the desk.

Mo Guan Shan’s phone vibrated a few inches from his head, making him jump.

After 6 vibrations it stopped.

It then proceeded to vibrate several more times.   
The pattern was different so he assumed it was now text messages.

He Tian wasn’t normally the type to look at someone’s phone without permission, but…

He sat up, checking If Mo Guan Shan was still asleep, and turned around to look down at the phone.

He pressed the home screen.

There were several notifications, one missed call and at least one text from an unnamed number.

‘Mo Guan Shan, I am SO sorry. I…’ and that’s where it cut off.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t have a lock on his phone.

He Tian felt a stab of guilt for betraying that apparent trust.

His own phone was locked with the fingerprint sensor and a random passcode.

He couldn’t check the others texts without showing them as read, but it wasn’t hard to imagine what they said and it was obvious who they were from.

He was tempted to pick up the phone and tell him exactly where to stick his fucking apology, and more tempted to just go to his apartment and fucking beat him to death.

Before he could do either of those things, he forced himself to turn off the screen and leave the phone alone.

He looked to Mo Guan Shan, just a lump under the blanket, and thought about the night’s events.

His lip was nearly healed.

The cut on his cheek was on it’s way to becoming a scar.

He had a job.

Friends.

A new apartment.

He was safe.

He was taking steps to put all that behind him and this piece of garbage thought he could just wait a few days and crawl right back?

Over his head fucking body.

He Tian tried to stomp out the little sparks of anger and remain calm. Overacting wasn’t going to help, right?

He very nearly succeeded.

Then the phone went off again.

‘Stop being such a little bitch. You’re going to come crawling back to me just like last time.’

God. Fucking. Damn it.

He pulled his own phone from his pocket, copying the number down.

He wasn’t going to do anything…yet. It just seemed like a good base to cover, just in case.

He saved it under ‘S’ and returned to the home screen.

Pulling up his texts, he selected Zhengxi’s name and tapped out a message.

‘Are you awake?’

‘I am now.’

‘Let’s go smoke a cigarette.’

‘Miss me that much already?’

‘Shut up.’

‘Fine. Give me a sec.’

They met on the small porch.

He Tian lit them each a cigarette.

‘What’s up?’ Zhengxi asked taking a drag.

‘She Li is texting Mo Guan Shan.’

‘He told you that?’

‘He’s asleep. I saw it on his phone.’

‘Do i even need to tell you that’s invasion of privacy AND a dick move?

‘You do not, no. It’s not like I went through it or anything. It just kept going off and it was on the lock screen…

‘Whatever you have to tell yourself.’

He Tian rolled his eyes.

‘What do we do?’

‘Nothing.’

‘…seriously? Can’t he get in trouble for contacting him?’

Zhengxi shook his head, exhaling a plume of smoke.

‘He didn’t file a restraining order. He barely filled out a police report.’

‘But we know what happened.’

‘WE do, yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything. He was taken in for for being drunk in public, not for hurting anyone.’

‘But he’s talking to Mo Guan Shan.’

‘Also not illegal.’

He Tian sighed deeply, flicking the butt of the cigarette off the balcony and lighting another.

‘What can we do?’

‘Nothing. It’s not illegal to be a dick.’

‘That’s ridiculous.’

‘Yeah, believe it or not, the justice system can’t read between the lines or prosecute people for laws they haven’t broken.’

‘But-’

‘No, He Tian. There are no buts. Legally, there is nothing I can do about this.’

‘Legally, huh?’

‘That is NOT what I meant.’

‘Sure, sure. So…what’s his address.’

‘He Tian, I’m not getting fired for you.’

‘Some friend you are.’ he teased.

‘Look, in most cases, i would just happen to leave the address written down and unattended, but this is different.’

‘How?’

‘Because this dude needs to have his ass kicked.’

He Tian raised an eyebrow.

‘And I’m great at that.’

‘You’re too close to this.’

‘…Meaning?’

‘Meaning, I don’t trust you to stop at an ass kicking, and I really don’t want to arrest you.’

‘So send someone else to do it.’

‘This isn’t funny.’

He Tian had the good grace to pretend he felt bad for bringing it up.’

‘You’re right. I’m sorry, Zhan Xixi.’

I said I didn’t WANT to arrest you.’

He Tian held his hands up in surrender and they let themselves back into the apartment.

Zhengxi gave him a long look before turning away with a sigh and digging the notepad from the door next to the kitchen sink, illegally jotting down some information.

He held the paper out to He Tian, pulling it away at the last second.

‘You know I only have so much pull here, right? I can’t do anything if you get charged with murder.’

‘What about attempted murder?’

‘That’s not funny.’

‘Oh, it’s a little funny.’

Resigned, he handed the slip of paper to He Tian.

‘Please don’t make me regret this. Jian Yi will never forgive me if you end up in prison. For his sake…’

‘I’ll do my best.’

Zhengxi shook his head, defeated.

‘Thanks for waking me up to break the law.’

‘Anytime, friend.’

Zhengxi looked at him sadly and turned away.

He Tian looked down at the address, ignoring the feeling in his gut he’d come to associate with doing something really, really, stupid.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of abuse/rape

Mo Guan Shan sat bolt upright in bed with a loud gasp.

He’d been having a dream.

A nightmare?

It has been so vivid, so colorful, so intense.

He remembered bits and pieces.

He desperately grasped at the memory like a nearly intangible sea creature, slippery and odd as it wriggled through his fingers.

He remembered being frightened.

Angry.

Relieved.

Happy.

Desperate.

He studied the walls around him, they’d been white once. Years of cigarette smoke and heat had turned them a sickly shade of yellow.

Not like the yellow walls from his dream, as warm and beautiful as the autumn sunrise over the desert.

He looked down at the blanket over his lap, the cheap, awful, material.

Like the covers on the bed of a cheap motel room.

Undoubtedly more disgusting.

Bordering on the color between dark brown and rusting red.

The color of drying, dying, blood.

He’d found himself wondering if that had been purposeful.

Not the blue that settled over the city before it woke up.

The light coming from the window was a flickering streetlight.

His body hurt.

Not the residual ache of past hurts.

The burn of fresh bruises and the sting of reopening cuts.

He tasted greasy food and old blood.

Not strong coffee and homemade meals.  
The room smelled of sweat and fear, not faint lavender from the oil diffusers.

Footsteps sound.

The creak of cheap linoleum, not lovingly worn wood.

The surge of feeling wasn’t the promise of a day that would be better than the last, it was fear at the promise of pain.

He lurched from the bed, feeling the filthy carpet under his feet, not the lovingly worn rug.

The door handle was cheap plastic, sharp from peeling paint, not smooth metal.

The toilet he bent over was filthy and rusted, not freshly cleaned porcelain.

The hands on his shoulders were rough and violent, not soft and gentle.

The arms that restrained him were painful, not comforting.

The whispered words in his ear were threats and mockery, not worried assurances.

The muscled body he struggled against was hard and immovable, not soft and forgiving.

The hands that restrained him were violent and horrifying, not delicate and careful.

The whispers were plans to hurt him, not help.

A flash of blinding light was the fluorescents on the ceiling, not a small flashlight checking his vital signs.

The pleas that fell from his lips were to pointlessly beg for mercy, not ask for help.

The sharp sting of a needle was to cease his resistance, dream or no.

His stomach twisted.

Things changed.

Oh, thank god, things changed.

The hands that held him over the sink as he retched were supportive.

The soft voices were worried, not angry.

Abcool cloth wiped his mouth.

Another was held to his forehead.

The hands on his skin didn’t make him sick.

The hand on his wrist was checking his pulse, not restraining him.

The hand in his hair wasn’t going to yank his head back to expose his throat.

The words murmured against his neck were choked with tears.

The body that held him, the lap he sat in, was warm and welcomed.

The lips on his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, were sweet, not humiliating.

When he opened his eyes, the three men watching him weren’t going to hurt him.

The walls were sunshine.

The blankets were there early evening.

The lights from the street were bright and colorful.

The tears on his cheeks didn’t come from his eyes alone.

This time, when he apologized, it wasn’t for bleeding on the mattress.

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.


	35. Chapter 35

Jian Yi sat on the bed, gently running his fingers through Mo Guan Shan’s hair.

He Tian had searched through his things until he’d found the small orange bottle and passed it to Jian Yi.

He’d studied the label and shrugged, shaking one into his palm and coaxing Mo Guan Shan to swallow it was a sip of water.

He’d left the room when the man began to drift off.

Extricating himself, Jian Yi motioning for Zhengxi to keep an eye on Mo Guan Shan and joined He Tian on the balcony.

‘What. the fuck. was that?’ He Tian asked quietly.

‘Panic attack. A really fuckin’ bad panic attack. Likely brought on by flashbacks of abuse considering his reaction when we had to move him.’

He Tian took a deep breath, trying not to think about murder.

‘He seemed fine. I mean, he was sad the first few days but he’s been really happy…’

‘Maybe a little bit too happy for someone barely a week out of a relationship that was clearly much worse than he’s letting on?’

He Tian turned his attention to the sunrise.

‘I guess I thought he was getting better.’

Jian Yi shook his head.

‘That’s not how it works.’

He Tian sighed.

‘I feel like an idiot, but I have no idea how any of this works. Or what’s happening.’ He Tian admitted.

‘Well, he’s clearly got some some anxiety issues.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘Because the bottle of medication you gave me is for anxiety.’

‘Make sense. Anything else?’

‘Well, I’m not a doctor, but i’ve seen that before and it’s likely always attributed to PTSD.’

‘You think he has that?’

‘Yeah. I mean, he clearly went through some awful shit. It can happen with any traumatic event. War, sexual assault, accidents, you name it. That shit doesn’t just disappear.’

‘He’s always going to feel like this?’

‘It’s impossible to say. The vast majority of people in these situations do deal with it for the rest of their lives.’

‘That’s awful.’

Jian Yi nodded.

‘It really is.’

‘It’s weird.’ He Tian mused sadly.

‘I’ve broken up so many fights between couples, I suppose I never put much thought into what happens the next day. I feel like a dick about it now.’

‘Most people don’t. And you’re not a dick, the fact that you’re even trying to understand proves that. You just haven’t really dealt with much of this shit.’

‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, that’s what it stands for, right?’

Jian Yi nodded.

‘Like Cheng.’

‘Yep.’

‘Well, I wasn’t much help last time.’

‘You were just a kid.’

‘Yeah. I guess.’

Jian Yi hated the defeated look on He Tian’s face as he thought back, seeing the striking, heartbreaking, similarities.

‘What do we do?’

Jian Yi shrugged.

‘There’s not much we can do. Just be there for him and…’ He trailed off.

‘And?’ He Tian prompted.

‘…and encourage him to seek help.’

‘Well, that’s easier said than done.’

‘Tell me about it.’

They exchanged a tired smile.

He Tian’s didn’t reach his eyes.

‘I’m going to go check up on him.’ Jian Yi told him.

‘Thank you, Jian Yi.’

‘For what?’

‘Everything.’

-

There was an unspoken understanding that He Tian doesn’t talk about his brother.

He doesn’t talk much about his parents either, but, with one exception, never his brother.

Jian Yi and Zhengxi hadn’t even known he existed until a few years into their friendship and it had only come up once until this conversation.

All they knew is that his name is He Cheng, he’s about a decade older, he was a marine, and he’d come back from overseas a bit more broken than he’d left.

He’d joined the military when He Tian was seven years old. Understandably, they hadn’t known each other well.

By the time he got out with two fresh scars and a leg full of shrapnel, he had no interest in getting to know his little brother.

He didn’t spend much time at home and when he did he’d have horrible nightmares, routinely becoming violent.

His family had stepped in, sent him to all the best doctors and ‘retreats’ as they called them. Fancy word for rehab.

It’s amazing how easily one kid can slip through the cracks when all the attention is focused on another.

By the time He Cheng was home and recovering, He Tian had fallen in with your stereotypical ‘bad crowd.’

He went too far too fast and burnt out like a roman candle.

Vegas is kind to the lucky, the rich, and the naive. Throw in young, beautiful, and charming - you’ve got the perfect victim to sacrifice to the lights, the dice, and the drugs.

By the time he’d been chewed up and spit out by the city, it felt too late.

He Cheng carried a tremendous amount of guilt.

He Tian, childish resentment. 

Both feeling like things could have gone very differently if they’d been there for each other.

Both so wrapped up in self pity and self destruction respectively, they’d driven the wedge between them as far as it would go and their, seemingly genetic, stubbornness has kept them apart ever since.

He Tian wasn’t extended the helping hand his brother had received.

He was told to clean up his own mess, and he’d never known why.

His road to sobriety would have been long and lonely if he’d ever bothered to start the walk.

The last thing the city gave him was in the form of an EMT who was way too damn patient who cared way too damn much about a perfect stranger.

He had that much to be thankful for and knew he wouldn’t take any of it back.

In the end, we choose our family.

If we’re smart, we choose the ones that care.

It had taken several years for He Tian to swallow his pride and ask his parents for a loan so he could buy the club.

Out of, he assumed, guilt they’d agreed, telling him they’d happily give it to him, no future payment required. God knows they have more than enough to go around.

He’d refused, telling them they’d have the money back in full in three years.

He had accepted the offer of no interest though.

Some things in this life just shouldn’t be turned down.

He’d gently rejected their offer to reconnect, seeing them only to make monthly payments that they insisted he bring by in person, asking each time if he’d stick around for dinner.

Each time, his mom would tell him his brother said hello.

It was never true.

-

Pulling himself from his reverie, He Tian joined the others.

The ones that care.


	36. Chapter 36

Looking back on it, Mo Guan Shan could still tell you what he’d seen in She Li.

He’d be exciting.

Fun.

Different.

He came with the promise of adventure and change.

Something he’d never sought out for himself, though he’d meant to for years.

While occasionally impulsive, he would never have imagined himself picking up and moving to Las Vegas with someone he barely knew.

It had just felt so…different.

So real.

Like some kind of sign that it was time.

Time for Mo Guan Shan to take a chance.

To change his life.

And maybe it was.

Maybe it had been the right choice.

Maybe he was in a good place now.

With these three.

Why the transition had to be half a year of hell was beyond him.

What do people say?

‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?’

‘The universe works in mysterious ways?’

Yeah, fuck all of them and the universe for good measure.

Dicks.

-

Without She Li he would never had ended up in Vegas.

He’d never been or put any serious thought into going.

It was just one of those places you see on tv, somewhere you go to get drunk, lose all your money, and get married, and get a bad tattoo.

The place itself never seeming altogether real.

Still-

He was glad he’d ended up here.

He tried very, very, hard not to ask himself ‘at what cost.’

-

All around, She Li had seemed like a pretty alright guy.

When he drank, however, things changed.

He would often switch from charming to violent in the space of a heartbeat.

It was funny, sweet even, the first time when he’d confronted some drunk asshole catcalling women downtown one night.

Slightly less so when he shoved one of his friends for making a terrible joke.

Not so funny when he beat the shit out of someone for ‘flirting’ with Mo Guan Shan and spent the night in jail for assault charges that didn’t stick.

He’d been standing at the bar, waiting for a drink, when some college-aged kid approached, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and shouted to be heard over the music.

‘Sorry, do you mind if I squeeze in for a sec to grab a drink?’

Mo Guan Shan leaned the other direction, letting him in to lean over the bar.

Less than a minute later, the dude stepped back with a few drinks, turning and ending up face to face with She Li.

It had taken Mo Guan Shan, a bouncer and two of his friends to get She Li off him.

Mo Guan had watched in shock as She Li had been hauled off by the cops.

One of his friends drove him back to the apartment.

‘Mo Guan Shan…’ the man had said as they pulled into the parking lot.

‘Yeah?’

He took a deep breath, seemingly torn.

He looked very, very, sad.

‘Nothing, sorry. Have a good night.’

‘Yeah…you too.’

He let himself into the apartment, locking the door behind him and made his way to the bathroom.

Starting the shower, he stripped quickly, dropping his clothes to the tile floor.

 

He held his hand under the water, waiting for it to warm up and tried to quiet that little voice in the back of his mind telling him he was being very, very, stupid.


	37. Chapter 37

He Tian entered the room as quietly as he could, careful to avoid the squeaky floorboards.

He sank onto the air mattress and pulled the bunched up blanket to his chest.

This was an entirely foreign experience and he had no idea how to handle it.

He’d debated even coming back in the room but the look Jian Yi gave him when he hesitated in the doorway told him to stop being a bitch.

He was lost in thought, trying to plan the conversation they’d inevitably be having in the morning, thankful he’d have a few hours.

No such luck.

‘I’m sorry.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered.

The calm he’d plan to achieve just wasn’t there.   
He tried to reign it in.

‘No.’

‘…no?’

‘No.’

‘…Why?’

‘You don’t get to apologize for being abused.’

‘I’m just being dramatic, I-’

‘No, Mo Guan Shan.’

‘He Tian, can you honestly tell me you don’t regret helping me. You don’t wish you’d taken a different route home.’

‘Never.’

‘Don’t lie. You always lie.’

Mo Guan Shan’s voice was soft and bitter.

‘Not to you.’

He Tian found that to be true.

‘You’re wasting your time. You know that. I’m fucked up.’

He Tian scoffed, false bravado while he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

‘Same here, pal.’

Eloquent.

‘You can do better. Find someone less broken, someone you don’t have to fix.’

‘Stop being an idiot.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘I said stop being a fucking idiot.’

Mo Guan Shan propped himself up on his elbows.

‘I have no idea how to respond to that.’

‘Look, I just…’

He Tian sighed, he didn’t either and insults probably wouldn’t help.

‘I feel like Jian Yi would be a better person to have this conversation with.’ He finished lamely.

Mo Guan Shan was silent for a few moments.

‘I’m positive you’re correct about that. I just wanted to apologize.’

‘And I was about to apologize for calling you an idiot.’

‘He Tian…’

Fuck.

‘I should be the one apologizing, Mo Guan Shan. I didn’t realize you were so upset.’

‘Neither did I.’

‘I don’t know what to do.’ He Tian admitted.

‘I don’t think…I don’t think I want to talk about it right now. Not yet.’

He Tian nodded, shamefully relieved, wondering what he would want he would want if he was Mo Guan Shan right now.

The answer was- a drink (of course) and a hug. (Not that he’d admit to it.)

He stood, letting himself out of the room, and returning with two beers.

He perched on the edge of the mattress, and holding one of the drinks out to Mo Guan Shan.

Mo Guan Shan sat up, accepting the drink and watching He Tian curiously as he placed his hand on his ankle.

He Tian desperately hoped he’d understand.

He did, extending his free hand and waited for He Tian to take it before pulling him closer until he got the message and joined him at the head of the bed.

Mo Guan Shan turned to face him, eyes tired, running his fingers from the back of his wrist to his shoulder.

His hands shook.

It was heartbreaking.

It was infuriating.

Carefully, awkwardly, He Tian wrapped his arms around the other man, tracing the individual vertebrae through his shirt.

Mo Guan Shan shivered.

He Tian froze.

‘Is this alright?’ He asked.

Mo Guan Shan nodded against his chest.

‘Yes. Don’t stop. Please.’

He didn’t, pressing harder with his fingers, gingerly massaging circles into the muscles along his spine.

Bit by bit, Mo Guan Shan relaxed in his arms.

He wanted to cry.

They both did.

He wanted to hurt someone.

He pushed it down, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Several long minutes passed.

He Tian assumed he’d fallen asleep but made no attempt to move.

Mo Guan Shan mumbled something against his chest.

His breath, hot even through his shirt, made him jump.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.’

‘Sorry I bit you.’

Reflexively, He Tian flexed his injured fingers.

Mo Guan Shan had, indeed, bitten the shit out of him when he’d tried to wipe his mouth.

‘It’s cool, I was hoping you would at some point.’


	38. Chapter 38

Jian Yi hates that Zhengxi is a cop.

He really, truly, does.

It’s a dangerous profession for anyone and that goes double for impulsive, reckless, people like Zhengxi.

He hates to admit it, but there are some things in life that just can’t be denied.

Like how fucking good he looks in that uniform.   
It’s obscene.

One day, the three of them, when it was just three; had been at The Wolf.

He Tian stood behind the bar.

Zhengxi played pool with another officer.

Jian Yi watched him intently, drink halfway to his lips, imaging being handcuffed and bent over the hood of Zhengxi’s cruiser.

He didnt notice when He Tian stopped talking because he hadn’t been listening.

He Tian tossed a lime wedge, hitting him in the back of the head.

Jian Yi turned back, guilty as a dog that pissed on the couch.

Confused, He Tian looked over his shoulder to where Zhengxi leaned against the pool table, listening to his friend talk.

A smile spread across his face.

‘You were totally checking him out.’

Jian Yi squirmed in his seat, face flaming.

‘So what? He’s my boyfriend.’

‘You were checking out the uniform.’

‘No. I wasn’t. Don’t be ridiculous. I hate that fucking thing.’

‘Don’t lie to me, Jian Yi.’

The man sighed, looking over his shoulder again, miserable.

‘I mean…fuckin’ look at him, man.’

‘I know, buddy. I know.’

‘What the fuck kind of hypocrite does that make me?’ Jian Yi demanded. ‘I hate that he’s doing this.’

‘You’d have to be dead and on fire to not want that. I’m honestly considering stabbing you so he’ll arrest me.’

‘Does it have to be me that you stab?’

‘Obviously. You’re the only one that won’t press charges.’

Jian Yi laughed in spite of himself, though his smile faded quickly.

‘It doesn’t make you a hypocrite, Jian Yi. It makes you human. Your dick doesn’t know you’re angry, it just wants Zhengxi to handcuff you to the bed.’

‘You can NOT tell him, He Tian.’

‘But I really, really, want to.’

‘Dude…’

‘I’m just kidding, I won’t.’

‘Thanks.’ Jian Yi mumbled, taking a drink.

‘You are going to have to tell him at some point.’

Jian Yi snorted.

‘Like hell I am.’

‘Ignoring it isn’t going to help.’

‘Bringing it up will just make it worse.

‘You’re right. Just keep it to yourself. That way you can get drunk and accidentally call him ‘officer’ this time.’

Jian Yi covered his mouth to avoid spitting beer all over the counter.

‘How could you ever possibly know about that?!’

He Tian huffed out a laugh.

‘Remember last year when they were fixing my air conditioner and I crashed with you guys for a few days?’

Jian Yi thought for a moment.

‘Yeah…oh. Fuck.’

‘That’s right, sweetheart, thin walls. Now run along and tell Daddy how good he looks in blue.’


	39. Chapter 39

v]Eventually, He Tian and Mo Guan Shan had to face the fact that they were going to need to get out of bed.

‘What time do we go to work?’ Mo Guan Shan asked softly.

‘You don’t have to come if you’re not feeling up to it.’

Mo Guan Shan rolled onto his back, stretching with a groan.

‘No, I want to. Sitting here and dwelling on it isn’t going to make me feel better.’

He Tian studied his face in profile.

‘Ignoring it isn’t going to make you feel better either.’

Mo Guan Shan sighed.

‘I know. I’m not. But I’d really like to get my mind off it for a little while.’

He Tian nodded.

‘Alright. Well let’s go around six. What time is it now?’

‘Six-fifteen.’

‘Let’s go at seven.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed, pushing himself out of bed.

‘I’m going to get cleaned up.’

‘Good call, I’m going to go to my place and do the same. I’ll be back in a few.’

Mo Guan Shan gave him a small smile that nearly reached his eyes and watched He Tian leave.

They showered several hundred yards away, both wondering what the other was thinking.

He Tian met him back at the apartment.

Mo Guan Shan looked at He Tian over his shoulder in the mirror when he came in and turned around.

‘How do I…’

He trailed off, taking In He Tian’s outfit.

He wore dark jeans and a tight crimson t-shirt, quite a bit tighter than Mo Guan Shan had seen him wear.

Fucking Christ.

‘I feel a little overdressed.’ Is all Mo Guan Shan could think to say.

He wore dark fitted jeans as per usual, and a dark gray button up shirt.

‘Can I help?’ He Tian asked.

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

He Tian smiled, stepping forward, rolling up his sleeves, unbuttoning the top two buttons on the gray shirt and running his fingers through the man’s red hair.

He opted to let Mo Guan Shan remove his own belt.

‘Alright. Done.’

Mo Guan Shan turned around again to look in the mirror.

‘Well that is just astounding.’

‘Making things less professional is a specialty of mine.’

They both laughed.

‘You ready?’

Mo Guan Shan took a deep breath, trying to will away his jitters.

‘I think so.’

They walked to the car and drove to the club in silence.

He Tian grabbed Mo Guan Shan’s hand before he could open the door and waited for him to turn around, cupping his cheek when he did.

‘I swear to god this is the last time I’m going to ask, but are you alright?’

Mo Guan Shan’s gaze flicked from He Tian’s eyes to mouth and back up.

‘I will be.’ he whispered, pupils dilated in the low light.

Against his better judgment, He Tian held still when Mo Guan Shan leaned in until their noses brushed.

‘Just one.’ he breathed. ‘For good luck.’

They met in the middle, pressing their lips together gently.

Oh, God.

He Tian resisted the urge to let his fingers wander into Mo Guan Shan’s hair, to pull him closer.

He Tian resisted the urge to do a lot of things.

He knew he should pull away, but it wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that he was trying, for once, to be something that resembles a decent human being, and this felt so fucking good.

His body begged him for just a little bit more.

Just one more fucking second.

Begged him to part his lips just a little bit, to give into it.

He pulled back.

‘Good luck.’


	40. Chapter 40

Mo Guan Shan groaned in frustration, falling back into the passenger seat and closing his eyes.

‘I kinda set myself up for failure there, didn’t I?’ He asked.

‘Set me up with fucking blue balls again is what you did.’ He Tian grumbled.

Mo Guan Shan snorted a laugh, a smile playing across his lips.

‘Want to see my underwear now? Just to get it out of the way?’

He Tian bit his lip.

It’s not like he could become any more frustrated, right? No? Shut up.

‘Yes.’

‘…really?’

‘Well, if you’re going to show me anyway I’ll take a peek now, get the initial shock out of the way.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘Planning on building up a tolerance?’ He teased, pushing his hips down to the edge of the seat and easing the button of his jeans open.

He wore tight, black, briefs decorated with tiny strawberries - a fruit that had only become arousing to him a few days ago.

‘Cute.’ He Tian choked out.

Mo Guan Shan began to lower the zipper and He Tian looked away.

‘We should probably get inside.’

‘Don’t I get to see yours?’ The redhead asked.  
He Tian smirked, turning back to look at him.  
‘I’m not wearing any.’

Mo Guan Shan’s cocky smile faltered, blinking rapidly.

Even footing.

-

He Tian let them in through the back door this time.

A sensor that lights up behind the bar alerted Jane to their presence.

Her smile lit up the room and she waved them over.

He Tian held up a finger, telling her they’d be over in a minute.

The club was dark and smoky, most of the light coming from the neons on the walls.

They wove through a small crowd to get to He Tian’s office.

By the time he closed the door behind them, they’d both - mostly - recovered from the moment in the car.

He Tian opened a desk drawer and rifled through it for a few moments before pulling out a folder with nearly unintelligible writing on its tab.

‘I need you to go explain Jane’s job to her, assuming she wasn’t joking last night.’

He handed Mo Guan Shan the folder.

He flipped through it, nodding to himself.

‘So are these things not happening then?’

‘They are. I have a sneaking suspicion that Julio is the one doing them.’

‘Why would he be doing that? He seems to have plenty on his plate with the music and…backroom activities.’

He Tian smiled sadly.

‘He’s in love with her and is probably worried she’ll get fired.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘Alright. Will do.’

He Tian visibly relaxed.

‘Thank you.’

Neither one of them knew what else to say, so Mo Guan Shan stood and left the office.

Jane threw her arms around him when he let himself behind the bar.

‘You’re going to work with me?!’ She asked, clearly thrilled with the idea.

‘I’m here to explain your job to you.’

She looked affronted.

‘I know how to make a whiskey and coke, thank you very much.’

‘The other part of your job.’

She rolled her eyes.

‘Fine. Be boring.’

Over the next three hours, between helping her serve drinks, Mo Guan Shan laid out her duties.  
She sighed and rolled her eyes so many times he wished he’d been keeping count.

Towards the end of the folder, she grabbed his arm, gesturing towards the end of the bar where a middle aged man was hitting on a young blonde girl, barely older than Jane.

Several minutes before the man had said -  
‘She’ll have one too.’ When ordering a drink.

Mo Guan Shan turned his attention to them in time to watch the girl turn away and the man to slip something into her drink.

Jane was frozen in place.

Mo Guan Shan was furious.

‘Go get his attention.’ Mo Guan Shan shouted into her ear, taking the rag she used to wipe down the bar from her apron.

She hesitated and Mo Guan Shan gave her a small shrug.

Approaching him hesitantly, Jane leaned over the bar and pointed to the screen that displayed that night’s specials.

Mo Guan Shan followed, deftly switching the drinks and patting Jane on the arm and motioning for her to go back to her duties.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and typed out a text to Zhengxi and Jian Yi.

‘Some fuck tried to roofie a girl. She’s fine, he’s going to need you both.’

Zhengxi said ‘roger’

Jian Yi said ‘fuck’

‘Do you want me to get the boss?’ Jane asked.  
The girl took a drink.

The man smiled, doing the same.

Mo Guan Shan considered stabbing him with the small knife Jane used to cut limes.

‘Ten minutes.’

She looked skeptical but nodded, tending to the other customers.

Mo Guan Shan leaned against the bar, watching as the man became steadily more uncoordinated and the girl lost interest.

He looked over his shoulder, waving her in the direction of the office.

Thirty seconds later, Zhan Zhengxi approached the bar, professionalism underlined with fury.

‘She’s ok?’ He asks, leaning over the bar.

‘She doesn’t know.’ He answered, cocking his head to the barely conscious man in the corner.

‘He’s drunk?’

‘I switched their drinks.’ Mo Guan Shan admitted.

Zhengxi sighed.

‘Is Jian Yi here yet?’

‘Not yet?’

‘And He Tian?’

‘He’s on the way.’

Zhengxi looked puzzled but accepted the shot Mo Guan Shan pushed in front of him.

Several things happened at once.

Jane returned, placing her hand on Mo Guan Shan’s arm.

Jian Yi entered the club, beelining towards the bar.

He Tian walked up next to Jane, a question on his lips, a hand on the pistol in his pocket.

They all watched Mo Guan Shan, waiting for direction.

Mo Guan Shan motioned to Zhengxi, approaching the man and taking the drink from his hand.

‘Good try, fuckface.’

The man was confused until Zhengxi placed a hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t put up a fight, just let Zhengxi escort him from the club.

Jian Yi smiled, shooting Mo Guan Shan a wink before following Zhengxi from the bar.

He Tian watched him as Jane explained the situation, his poker face impeccable.

He gave Jane a tight hug, not breaking eye contact.

‘Can we talk?’ He asked Mo Guan Shan when he let her go.

Jane watched them nervously, turning back to the only person that had watched the entire thing.

‘How do you feel about free drinks in exchange for your silence?’ She asked.

-

The reality of the situation began to sink in as He Tian pulled him into the office.

That was probably very, very illegal wasn’t it?  
He Tian stopped a few feet in front of him.

‘Let me let this straight. You watched a man slip something into someone’s drink and, instead of telling me and calling the cops, you switched their drinks and sent a text to Zhengxi and Jian Yi?’

‘Yes.’ Mo Guan Shan responded, looking at the ground.

‘That was your instinct? Making sure you fucked someone over, not informing the potential victim, and letting the police sneak in and handle it without arousing suspension?’

He Tian’s eyes were dark, his breathing heavy, his heartbeat accelerated.

‘Yes, but-’

He Tian stepped forward.

Half a step backwards and Mo Guan Shan’s back hit the wall.

Shit.

Before he could formulate an apology, He Tian gripped his chin between two fingers and pressed his leg between Mo Guan Shan’s thighs, and his tongue was in his mouth.

Fucking hell.

Mo Guan Shan’s body reacted without his permission, parting his lips for He Tian’s tongue and pulling him closer with a hand in his hair.

He Tian pulled away panting.

‘How very unprofessional of me.’

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘It’s cool, I’m pretty sure I just broke like…five laws.’


	41. Chapter 41

He Tian meant to stop.

Really, he did.

This wasn’t right and the little voice in his head was telling him just how much he’s going to regret it.

The much louder voice told him to keep going, to pull his shirt over his head, to yank his jeans open and get a better look at those strawberry briefs.

Mo Guan Shan’s lips were impossibly soft, his tongue impossibly warm.

The kiss was feverent and hurried, building in intensity much faster than he’d been ready for.

They held each other tightly, trying to pour more into the moment than it could take, knowing that any second now it would end and they’d have to face it.

‘Mo Guan Shan…’ He Tian whispered, pressing their foreheads together, closing his eyes. ‘We can’t do this. Not here, not now.’

‘I’m not asking you to fuck me, He Tian, I just want…’ He trailed off.

He Tian opened his eyes, straightening up to look at the other man.

‘What do you want?’ He asked softly.

Mo Guan Shan took a deep breath.

‘You. Just a little bit more. Just a little bit longer.’

There was a very fine line here and He Tian was about to take a chainsaw to it.

‘Mo Guan Shan…’

‘Hmm?’

‘I know I said I wouldn’t say it, but promise me you’re ok.’

‘I wish I could do that, but it’s becoming abundantly clear that I’m not.’

He Tian froze.

He hadn’t been expecting that answer.

Mo Guan Shan continued.

‘I know I have some shit…a lot of shit to deal with, but I want this. I want you.’

He Tian ran his thumb along Mo Guan Shan’s jaw.

What about last night?’ He Tian asked softly.

Mo Guan Shan’s expression hardened, a flash of anger in his eyes that gave He Tian the chills.

‘He’s taken so much from me, ruined so many things. He can’t have this. He can’t fucking ruin this.’

He Tian swallowed the lump in his throat at the first real glimpse of the anger Mo Guan Shan held, the burden he carried.

God damn fucking right he can’t.

He apologized to his conscience, shoving it into the deepest corner of his mind where it belongs.

The kiss was slower now, but no less intense.

Mo Guan Shan ducked his head, leaving a trail of kisses down He Tian’s neck.

He Tian slid his hands under Mo Guan Shan’s shirt, running his fingers gently over his ribs.

Mo Guan Shan shivered and gasped.

He Tian grabbed him by the hips, picking him up.

Mo Guan Shan wrapped his legs around his waist and He Tian carried him to the desk, gently moving things to the side to clear a space (because this is not a damn movie and things break when you shove them to the floor) and put him down gently before turning away.

He approached the door, twisting the lock on the handle.

No interruptions.

Not now.

There was no hesitation when their lips met.

Mo Guan Shan wasted no time ensnaring He Tian with his legs, pulling him in and pressing their hips together.

He Tian’s response was instantaneous, wrapping an arm around the man’s waist, thrusting against him.

He wanted to keep kissing him.

To taste him.

To suck dark purple bruises into the soft skin of his neck, but couldn’t tear his eyes away from his face.

Cheeks flushed, lips wet and swollen, heart racing at the pulse point in his throat.

Absolutely fucking gorgeous.

‘Please…’ Mo Guan Shan breathed.

Please what? He wanted to ask, but he knew the answer.

More.

Harder.

Faster.

Kiss me.

Touch me.

Take me.

Love me.

Break me down so I can start from scratch.

Fill me up until there’s no room for anything but you.

I’ll try, he wanted to tell him.

For you, I’ll try.

In this moment, he did the things he knew he could.

He pulled Mo Guan Shan closer, grinding their hips together, ignoring the bite of the zipper digging into his skin.

He Tian quickly unbuttoned Mo Guan Shan’s shirt and mapped out every part of him he could reach with his fingers and tongue.

Mo Guan Shan groaned, letting his head fall back, exposing his throat, trusting him completely.

He rocked his hips, tightening his fingers in He Tian’s hair, whispering his name like the answer to a very important question.

He Tian reached between to pop the button on his jeans, working the zipper down and cupping him over his boxers.

Mo Guan Shan groaned, bucking into his hand.   
He Tian wanted to make this last, to take him apart piece by piece, but that would have to wait.

With one hand between his shoulder blades, He Tian reached into his boxers and wrapped his fingers around him, running his thumb over the tip, smearing the liquid that had gathered there.

Mo Guan Shan dug his fingernails into He Tian’s arms and gasped.

He Tian moved slowly, working his hand gently and carefully, tightening his fingers when Mo Guan Shan began to quietly beg.

He kissed Mo Guan Shan’s exposed neck and shoulder as the man turned to jelly in his arms.

‘He Tian, fuck…I’m…’

The desperation in his voice stoked the fire deep in He Tian’s stomach and he fought the ever present urge to take this farther.

‘I’ve got you, sweetheart, go ahead.’


	42. Chapter 42

He Tian held him tightly through the aftershocks, a little lightheaded since all the blood in his head had migrated south like an optimistic duck.

Mo Guan Shan released him and looked around for something to clean himself up with.

He Tian grabbed the box of tissues, smiling and attempting to take a step back as Mo Guan Shan adjusted himself.

Mo Guan Shan stopped him, tightening his legs around his waist and reaching between them. He worked the tight jeans open, smirking when he realized He Tian was not, in fact, wearing underwear.

Straightening up and bracing himself on He Tian’s shoulder, he slid his hand between them, swallowing his argument with a kiss.

Mo Guan Shan’s warm fingers wrapped around He Tian’s cock and… he came.

He looked down at himself in shock, struggling to process the situation as warmth shot through his veins and jolts of pleasure jabbed at his every nerve ending.

He didn’t know his body could do that, the fucking traitor, and had no idea what to say.  
After ALL THIS SHIT, premature ejaculation?

‘Well…that was anticlimactic.’ Mo Guan Shan cracked before He Tian could do something stupid like apologize.

He Tian’s head snapped up and he gaped at Mo Guan Shan.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ He asked, unable to keep the smile from creeping onto his lips at the horrible, horrible, joke.

Mo Guan Shan laughed, pulling his hand from He Tian’s pants and reaching for more tissues.

‘Not at all, I take inappropriate jokes in delicate situations very seriously.’

He Tian shook his head, still a little dazed.

‘That…does not normally happen.’

‘I believe you.’ Mo Guan Shan assured him.

He Tian could think of a few ways to wipe that smug look off his face.

‘You’re awfully pleased with yourself, aren’t you?’

Mo Guan Shan smiled like a man that could bring the world, or at the very least, He Tian to his knees.

‘I really am.’ He admitted.

‘Because I made myself look pathetic?’ He Tian asked, half teasing.

‘Because…’ Mo Guan Shan corrected him, running his thumb along He Tian’s lower lip. ‘I made you look like this..’

Fucking hell.

There was a knock at the door.

‘Just a sec!’ He called to whoever he was about to fire, maintaining eye contact with Mo Guan Shan.

‘We’ll finish this conversation later.’

‘Conversation. Sure.’ Mo Guan Shan responded with a wink.

He Tian took a deep breath, stepping back and trying to compose himself.

Mo Guan Shan slid off the table and did the opposite of what He Tian had done for him earlier, smoothing his shirt, running his fingers through He Tian’s hair in an effort to smooth it down.

‘How do I look?’ He asked sheepishly.

‘Fucking perfect.’ Mo Guan Shan answered, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his lips before pushing him in the direction of the door.

It was Julio.

Maybe firing him wasn’t the answer.

It would take five or six people to even begin to replace him.

‘What’s up?’

He paused, taking in He Tian’s appearance.

‘…I just got here and was just wondering if there’s anything you need.’

He Tian raised his eyebrows at the very un-Julio-like behavior.

Julio does his job (and Jane’s) very well, but hardly goes out of his way to help anyone else.

‘I’m good. Thanks though…’

Julio looked over He Tian’s shoulder, eyes widening.

He Tian sighed, rolled his eyes, and closed the door.

‘I told you!’ Jane yelled from down the hall.

Dicks.

Turning around, He Tian found Mo Guan Shan arranging things on the desk to look more purposefully out of place.

‘Ready?’ He Tian asked.

Mo Guan Shan smiled.

‘This time, yes.’


	43. Chapter 43

He Tian sent Mo Guan Shan back to Jane, instructing her to teach him to make the staple drinks, entrusting Julio to keep them from drugging anyone.

He filled out some paperwork, signed paychecks, made sure the books had balanced the last month, and sent some emails about the upcoming event they’d been planning for Halloween, making sure they had the right permits and everything was up to date.

He signed off on Julio’s playlist, only crossing out a few. He’d only started doing that since they’d hosted 1960’s night and he’d played ‘what’s new pussycat’ four times in a row.

A text from Jian Yi told him the dude with the roofies was alright.

A call from Zhengxi told him they’d found enough benzos on the guy to charge him with intent to distribute, that he was lucky to have him as a friend, that he was a fucking idiot.

‘We only have room for one martyred, anti-hero, vigilante-fucking-justice drama queen in this part of town, and I like him more than you.’

‘Wow, Zhengxi, tell me how you really feel.’

-

He Tian joined Mo Guan Shan at the bar.

‘What can I get you?’ Mo Guan Shan asked with a grin.

‘Old fashioned, please.’

Jane directed him, listing the ingredients and measurements.

He Tian sipped the drink, making a face.

‘How about a beer?’ Mo Guan Shan asked weakly, pouring the drink down the drain.

He Tian laughed.

‘A beer would be great.’

He spent the next hour watching Jane coach a clueless Mo Guan Shan.

He hadn’t been lying, he truly is terrible at this.

Bartending skills aside, he couldn’t help but appreciate how good Mo Guan Shan looked behind the bar.

Behind his bar.

Excusing himself, he made rounds, making sure everything was running smoothly, at the optimal level of controlled chaos.

It was a surprisingly large crowd for a weeknight.

October was always a good month.

As far as Jane’s concerned, Halloween starts at the end of September and ends right before Christmas, so things were starting to get spooky.

She’d asked for several ridiculous things and he’d given her paperwork to fill out.

He’d be damned if he was going to hand her money for the excessive decorations if he couldn’t write it off as a business expense.

He made his way back to the bar with the intent of reminding her of it, but stopped a few yards away, leaning against the wall next to Julio.

‘Let’s go have a smoke.’

Julio nodded, following him into the crowd and out the back door.

He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Mo Guan Shan that Julio was love with Jane.

It hurt to see him like this, watching Jane like they were separated by galaxies.

He Tian’s pessimism and dismissive attitude towards romance of any sort had stopped him from bringing it up.

‘You have to tell her.’ He Tian informed him, offering the other man a cigarette and lighting it for him. ‘She has no idea.’

Julio laughed bitterly.

‘She’s so far out of my league, dude.’

He Tian rolled his eyes.

‘Don’t be an idiot, you know she doesn’t think like that and she’d be furious if she heard you say it.

‘She’ll never feel the same way, it’ll just ruin our friendship.’

‘You need to tell her or move the fuck on dude. You’re making it more complicated than it needs to be.’

‘It doesn’t matter, she’s seeing someone.’

‘Excuses, excuses.’

Julio nodded, looking down at his feet and taking a drag.

‘Since when did you start giving romantic advice?’

‘Since tonight, apparently.’

‘I’m not sure if I like it.’

He Tian laughed.

‘I’m not sure if I like it either.’

‘Janie was telling me about your new boyfriend.’ Julio said, hoping the subject change would stick.

‘He’s not my boyfriend.’ He Tian responded immediately.

‘Is that why you were getting busy in your office? Or why you’ve been staring at him like a creep all night?’

‘Yes, Julio. That’s exactly why.’ He Tian’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

‘You like him though?’

He Tian hesitated for a moment.

‘Yeah. I do.’

‘So…’ Julio prompted.

‘It’s not that simple.’

‘Excuses, excuses.’

‘Shut up.’

They smoked in silence for awhile, watching the endless stream of taxis crawl by.

‘Got anymore valuable advice for me?’ Julio asked, flicking his cigarette into the alley.

He Tian opened the door.

‘Yeah, cut your hair.’

‘Fuck you.’

-

He Tian and Julio stepped back into the bar, both a bit more mindful of their staring.

Christ, they’re all adults here, why did this all feel so middle school?

An hour before closing, He Tian actually made it to the bar and Julio to the DJ booth.

Mo Guan Shan beamed at him, skin washed bright white, eyes shining like gold coins in the blue light.

He poured He Tian a shot of tequila, leaning across the bar to whisper in his ear.

‘I am SO bad at this.’

‘But you look absolutely gorgeous, that’s all you need for now.’

Mo Guan Shan pulled back giving him a small smile and pulling his lower lip between his teeth.

 

He Tian shooed him away, taking his shot, gesturing for another and returning his smile.

Pouring one for them both, Mo Guan Shan clinked their glasses together.

They tapped the shots on the bar, draining them and Mo Guan Shan was swept away by Jane.

Julio played a song for the four of them.

It took an hour after closing to clean the bar.

He Tian locked the doors and Mo Guan Shan followed him to the car.

‘That was embarrassing.’ Mo Guan Shan admitted.

‘Did you have fun?’ He Tian asked.

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘I really did.’

‘That’s all I want.’

‘What now?’

He Tian checked the time.

‘We could head home.’ He Tian suggested.

‘Or…’ Mo Guan Shan countered ‘we could go have one more drink to celebrate my first real day.’

He Tian grinned.

‘A man after my own heart.’


	44. Chapter 44

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan left the bar around four, deciding to walk the few blocks home.

There was just enough bite in the air to breathe and enjoy it. They walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, fingers laced together loosely.

An hour or so later, they made it into the apartment.

Jian Yi and Zhengxi’s keys sat on the counter.

In the bedroom, they shed the majority of their clothes, He Tian slipping on a pair of boxers he’d left in the room, (thank god) but foregoing the pajamas.

He Tian glanced at his air mattress and Mo Guan Shan scoffed.

‘If you even think about lying down on that and I will deflate it while you’re sleeping.’

He Tian held his hands up in mock surrender, stepping over it and joined the other man on the bed.

Mo Guan Shan lowered himself onto the mattress, holding his hand out, and He Tian let himself be pulled onto the mattress.

They lie facing each other, Mo Guan Shan running his fingers down the side of He Tian’s neck, He Tian tracing gentle circles over his sharp hip bone.

Time passed, ten minutes or so.

‘What’s in your head?’ Mo Guan Shan’s asked quietly.

‘You.’ He Tian answered. ‘Every empty space, you.’

‘Is that a good thing?’

He Tian nodded.

‘It is.’

Mo Guan Shan studied his face in the soft light.

‘Will you let me touch you?’

He Tian hesitated.

‘You already did.’

‘That didn’t count and you know it.’

‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea…’

Mo Guan Shan sighed, looking at him.

He Tian let himself be pushed onto his back, his breath catching as Mo Guan Shan straddled him, settling down onto his lap.

He stayed perfectly still, waiting for permission to continue, for He Tian’s nod.

Mo Guan Shan’s smile wasn’t smug or triumphant, just relieved as he crawled off He Tian, grabbing something from the nightstand and returning, removing his boxers quickly and prompting He Tian to do the same before resuming his place on his lap.

Only when he saw what Mo Guan Shan had retrieved did he give pause.

Fuck

Shit

Damn it

‘What are you-’

Mo Guan Shan say the small bottle of lube on He Tian’s chest.

‘You know exactly what I’m doing.’

‘Mo Guan Shan, we’ve talked about this.’

‘Yes, but I think I’ve found a loophole.’

He Tian raised his eyebrows.

‘Do tell.’

‘Well, you’re afraid to hurt me, or take it too far?’

‘Yes…’ He Tian squirmed underneath him, uncomfortably unsure of where he was going with this.

‘Well, if you’re not doing anything, you can’t.’

‘Mo Guan Shan, I can’t solve riddles when you’re on top of me. It’s a newly discovered weakness.’

Mo Guan Shan smiled sheepishly.

‘What I’m saying, is if you just lie back and let me do everything, you won’t be doing either one of those things.’

He Tian sighed heavily.

‘Even if that wasn’t ridiculous reasoning, and NOT a loophole, I don’t think I’m physically capable of doing that.’

‘I bet Zhengxi has handcuffs around here.’

He Tian opted to ignore that for now. One agonizing struggle at a time, please.

‘But it’s not…you’re not…’

‘Don’t you want to?’ the redhead asked.

‘You know I do.’

‘So, how about about you let me decide what I’m ready for tonight?’

‘Maybe we should sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow…’

Mo Guan Shan looked down at him, expression carefully blank.

‘Please?’ He whispered.

He Tian thought back to their conversation in his office and and felt like a grade A fucking asshole.

There was a nearly imperceptible shift and everything changed.

This wasn’t about the sex, not entirely.

Mo Guan Shan wanted to feel in control.

He wanted to make his own choices about what he did with his body.

He wanted to see if sex could still be a good thing.

Still feel good.

He trusted He Tian not to hurt him.

All this time, he’d been so worried about making sure he felt safe, that he had everything he needed to recover.

This is one of those things.

He needed this.

He Tian’s chest tightened and for an absurd moment he felt like he might cry.

‘Yes. Of course.’

Mo Guan Shan didn’t give him a chance to back out, cupping his cheek and leaning down for a kiss.

He moved slowly, sighing as He Tian parted his lips for his tongue and pressed their hips together.

Sitting up, Mo Guan Shan picked up the little bottle, popping the cap and drizzling a generous amount over his fingers.

He Tian froze for a second, realizing he’d forgotten a certain specification.

‘Just so we’re on the same page, you're…’

Mo Guan Shan looked confused for a moment before realizing what he meant and rolling his eyes good naturedly.

‘You’re going inside me, He Tian.’

‘Oh, thank god.’

Mo Guan Shan’s laugh eased some of the nervous tension and He Tian smiled.

Placing his hand on the mattress next to He Tian’s shoulder, Mo Guan Shan lowered himself down, dropping his head and reaching behind himself.

He Tian tightened his fingers on Mo Guan Shan’s thighe, momentarily overwhelmed by the mental image of what Mo Guan Shan was doing.

Mo Guan Shan gently ran his fingers over his entrance, shuddering at the sensation and burying his face in He Tian’s neck.

‘Do you want help?’ He Tian asked, very much hoping he’d say yes.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head, pushing a finger in and letting himself adjust to it.

Several minutes passed as Mo Guan Shan prepared himself and He Tian forced himself to breathe.

Mo Guan Shan whimpered and He Tian turned his head to place gentle kisses on the man’s neck.

‘More.’ Mo Guan Shan breathed.

He Tian complied, digging his fingernails into Mo Guan Shan’s thighs, sucking a faint bruise into the soft skin of his neck.

Lord knows how much time passed as Mo Guan Shan prepared himself.

Eventually, he placed a hand on He Tian’s chest, lining himself up and pressing the head of He Tian’s cock against his entrance.

‘Are you ready?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Yes.’

Inch by agonizing inch, Mo Guan Shan sank down onto him, maintaining eye contact.

The soft, wet, heat enveloped him and he desperately willed himself not to come. Not yet. Not twice in one day, for fuck’s sake.

Mo Guan Shan steadied himself and began to move, letting his eyes flutter closed.

He Tian wrestled momentarily with the carnal urge to flip them over, taste every inch of his skin and show him exactly how fucking good this should feel.

Patience, he told himself. You can have it your way next time.

Placing both hands on He Tian’s chest, Mo Guan Shan sat up, rocking his hips and biting his lower lip to stay quiet.

Desperately, He Tian forced himself to stay still, digging his fingers into Mo Guan Shan’s hips hard enough to leave ten tiny bruises.

He wasn’t in this to put on a show, but that sure as shit didn’t stop He Tian from enjoying every damn micro expression that crossed his face.

He bit his tongue to keep himself from telling Mo Guan Shan how god damned pretty he looked on his dick. It wasn’t the time for that kind of talk but he’d be fucked…more fucked, that is, if it wasn’t true.

Mo Guan Shan’s eyes were shut tightly, brows furrowed in either intense concentration or frustration, possibly both, as he searched for a feeling just out of reach.

Admittedly, He Tian didn’t have much to offer in the way of comfort or emotional support, but this? This he could do.

He Tian bent the rules, just a little bit. He wrapped an arm around Mo Guan Shan gently and pulled him close before whispering ‘you need to stay quiet, alright?’

Mo Guan Shan nodded, confused as He Tian dug his heels into the mattress, and angled his hips.

Brain short circuiting, Mo Guan Shan ran his fingers through He Tian’s hair and gave it a sharp tug, gasping when his hips snapped up involuntarily.

Wrapping his fingers around Mo Guan Shan’s wrist, he pulled his hand away gently, shaking his head.

‘Not tonight.’

The man on top nodded, returning his hand to He Tian’s chest and propping himself up again while He Tian resumed his previous position and considered punching himself in the face. He was his very own fucking cockblock.

Mo Guan Shan eased his feet under He Tian’s thighs to anchor him and found a rhythm, the backs of his fingers pressed to his parted lips.

He Tian wanted to push his fingers between those lips, to spread his legs, hold him still, and fuck him senseless. He wanted to pull his hand away and make him scream.

But he wanted this more.

Mo Guan Shan finally relaxed, muscles unclenching and giving into the feeling as he reached down to touch himself.

He should have asked for those handcuffs.

He moved with Mo Guan Shan, meeting his shallow thrusts, watching intently as he chased release, trembling, body slick with sweat.

‘I’m going t-to…’

Mo Guan Shan trailed off as He Tian picked up the pace, encouraging him as he brought himself to the edge and pulling him over.

When he came, Mo Guan Shan collapsed on top of him and it was all He Tian could do to pull out, finishing into his hand and wiping it off on a discarded item of clothing.

He ran his fingers through Mo Guan Shan’s hair as they both came down, exhausted and sticky.

Mo Guan Shan rolled off him, wincing when he hit the mattress and letting He Tian clean him up as best he could in the soft light.

He Tian tossed the dirty shirt across the room and settled back down.

They lie facing each other.

Mo Guan Shan looked down at their intertwined fingers and He Tian wiped away his tears as they fell.

‘Good or bad?’ He whispered, referring to the tears, to the sex, to the two of them, to anything he would answer.

‘Perfect.’


	45. Chapter 45

The next two weeks passed without anything horrible happening, which is all you can ask for sometimes.

Mo Guan Shan helped Jane in her preparations for the Halloween party, made some phone calls for He Tian, and learned to make a few drinks. Each day he seemed more comfortable, smiled more, looked over his shoulder less and less frequently.

He and Jane were fast friends, growing close almost a quickly as he had with Jian Yi.

Jane had called him ‘easy to love’ and He Tian hadn’t argued, his relationship with The L Word aside.

He seemed happy, but in light of that happened last time He Tian made that assumption, he kept an eye on him. They all did, and Mo Guan Shan pretended not to notice.

They hadn’t had sex since that night.

He Tian held him while they slept.

Mo Guan Shan intertwined their fingers when they walked.

He Tian walked behind the bar, making any excuse to reach around him, pressing their bodies together briefly and placing a kiss on the side of his neck.

Mo Guan Shan draped his legs over He Tian’s lap when they watched tv.

They constantly, shamelessly, flirted.

The two of them had been on the couch several days before, Mo Guan Shan in He Tian’s lap.

A careful kiss had escalated quickly, He Tian fumbling with Mo Guan Shan’s jeans, trying to get him to keep his hips still for a fucking second as he wound his fingers in He Tian’s hair and sucked a purple bruise into his shoulder, right where a shirt could cover it.

Zhengxi opened the door, taking a few steps into the apartment before spotting them.

He Tian’s instinctual reaction was to shove Mo Guan Shan off his lap, which would have been fine if they’d been on a bed or even the floor, but since they were on the couch Mo Guan Shan slid off his lap and onto the floor.

‘What the FUCK!’

Zhengxi simply shook his head laughed, going to his room.

He Tian stood, extending a hand to Mo Guan Shan and pulling him to his feet, apologizing profusely.

Mo Guan Shan assured him half a dozen times that he was fine, and they got ready for work, smiling from the high of getting caught in the act like a couple of teenagers.

That’s as far as they’d gone since their first time a few days ago.

Things had changed since then.

He wanted Mo Guan Shan impossibly more than he already had, but that sense of urgency, that feeling that this was his only chance, was gone.

They both tried to settle into some semblance of a normal relationship.

He Tian moved slowly when he touched him, making sure his intentions were clear and Mo Guan Shan kissed him when he hesitated.

Mo Guan Shan gave him space, no longer insisting that he stayed the night.

But he always did.

He never asked for He Tian’s time when he was busy or pushed him to talk when he was quiet.

In some ways, He Tian and Mo Guan Shan were similar.

In most ways, not at all.

Unfortunately, that’s something many people will use as a reason to call it quits, but that’s ridiculous.

A movie you’ve never seen? A tv show you’ve never been interested in? Watch it with someone that loves it. Music you’ve never bothered with, listen to someone you care about sing along with it.

There’s little to learn from someone just like you, he’d learned that from Jian Yi and Zhengxi who, as people, couldn’t be more different.

He asked Mo Guan Shan to show him his favorite movie, his favorite song, the things he cares about.

That’s where you find love, missing half the movie because they talk the whole time, and having to replay the song over and over when you miss their favorite part as they point it out.

He Tian didn’t want to be in love.

He’d never wanted to and, up until now, he’d avoided it.

Very successfully, he might add.

But he hadn’t stood a chance.

Not this time.

Not even close.

While he refused to face it, he was in love with Mo Guan Shan.

The way his eyes lit up when he smiled.

How he looked when he was trying not to laugh.

The way he sang in the shower, loudly, unabashedly, and off-key.

He couldn’t tell Mo Guan Shan.

He had plenty of his own shit to deal with without sudden love confessions.

He’d hold it in. He was great at that.

All in all, things were good.

Until they weren’t.

Until, you guessed it, things went to shit.


	46. Chapter 46

Mo Guan Shan and Jane had been running the bar on a busy Saturday night.

He’d been paying very little attention to who approached the bar. He was barely used to making drinks, his focus was elsewhere.

‘Hey, baby, how ‘bout a drink?’

That voice was one he had memorized.

One that chilled his blood and made his skin crawl.

He didn’t look up from the limes he was cutting, he simply called to Jane.

‘I’m going to step outside for a sec.’ he’d told her.

She was confused for a moment, but shrugged and nodded.

They normally took their cigarette breaks together, but maybe he just needed a breath of fresh air. He did seem a little wound up.

It was when someone followed him out the back door did she doubt him.

It was when he looked over his shoulder, making eye contact, an expression she didn’t recognize on his face, she ran.

Weaving through the crowd, even at her rudest, took nearly a minute, and the further trek to He Tian’s office took another thirty seconds.

She turned the knob and flung the door open.

‘Jane, what-’

‘Mo Guan Shan. Outside. Some guy…’

He was out of his chair before she finished her sentence and ducked around her before she could get out of the way.

She found Zhengxi’s number in her contacts, calling as she followed.

‘Mo Guan Shan-’

‘Fuck.’

The line disconnected and she pocketed the phone and ran down the stairs.

Julio caught her around the waist before she reached the door. 

‘He Tian is outside. He’s got this. Did you call Zhengxi?’

She nodded, frustrated, and struggling in his grip.

‘Janie, there’s nothing else you can do right now and I am NOT letting you get hurt for this. Come back to the bar.

-

Mo Guan Shan led She Li from the building, shooting a glance at Jane

Oh fuck, please go get him.

He stopped in front of the dumpster, forcing himself to stand his ground and keep his hands at his side. 

‘What the fuck do you want?’

She Li laughed softly.

‘I just wanted to check up on you.’

Mo Guan Shan felt sick.

‘You’ve checked up. Leave.’

‘Aw, baby, didn’t you miss me?’

‘No.’ His voice wavered and he hated himself for it. 

‘You don’t sound too sure.’

The other man took a step forward and Mo Guan Shan tried to shove him back.

She Li knocked his arm away and swung.

Mo Guan Shan slammed his head into the dumpster.

He heard his nose break before he felt it.

A sound like someone stepping on the last Dorito in a bag.

He hit the ground, dazed, watching blood soak his shirt, vaguely aware of She Li talking several feet away.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the door swing open.

He Tian spotted Mo Guan Shan first, rushing to him and kneeling down.

Mo Guan Shan pushed him away, motioning toward She Li.

He Tian looked around and stiffened, pushing himself to his feet.

‘You have a lot of nerve coming here.’ he told She Li, voice surprisingly calm.

‘I just came to say hello and find out who he’s trying to replace me with.’

Mo Guan Shan watched He Tian’s fists clench at his sides.

‘Alright, you’ve done it. I politely ask you to leave the premises before I get the police involved.’

She Li scoffed.

‘You’re really wasting your time on this little slut. He always bitches out right when things start to get fun.’

He Tian knows what he’s doing, trying to get him riled up, get him to throw the first punch.

It’s too late for that.

The chirp of a siren and flashing lights warn them of incoming police interference.

He Tian turned on his heel, crouching down in front of Mo Guan Shan and gently taking his face in his hands, trying to ignore the blood. For now.

‘I love you.’ He Tian whispered, knowing this might be the last time Mo Guan Shan sees him as someone normal. Someone kind. 

‘I love you too.’ Mo Guan Shan answered immediately as He Tian stood.

He hadn’t heard him.

He Tian didn’t require any further provocation from She Li.

Stepping forward, catching him off guard, He Tian shoved him hard enough to put distance between them but not hard enough to put him on the ground.

He let She Li approach again, knowing he had his attention, and swept his feet out from under him.

She Li hit the ground.

He Tian had been consulting with contractors about expanding the club, so when he kicked She Li in the ribs with his steel-toed boots, Mo Guan Shan heard a few of them crack.

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan turned as Zhengxi slammed on the breaks and squealed to a stop on the mouth of the alley.

She Li relaxed, relieved, and He Tian kicked him again.

In the soft light, Mo Guan Shan saw him roll onto his side arms wrapped around himself.

A third kick broke two of his fingers where they cradled his broken bones.

‘Stop.’

Zhengxi stepped back, letting Zhengxi approach She Li.

‘Christ, He Tian, what did you do?’

‘Self-defense.’

Zhengxi turned to look at him, not a hair out of place and rolled his eyes.

‘You ok?’ He asked Mo Guan Shan.

Mo Guan Shan gave him a bloody thumbs up.

Zhengxi bristled.

He Tian smiled.

If you’re going to bleed, use it to your advantage.

They all watched as She Li pushed himself to his feet.

Zhengxi took a step forward.

She Li pulled a pistol from the waistband of his ill fitted slacks.

Zhengxi froze.

He Tian stepped forward, making sure the gun was trailed on him.

She Li laughed, wiping blood from his lips.

‘He Tian, you need to back up and let me handle this.’ Zhengxi hissed, trying to convey the importance of this with a very cop-like hand on his shoulder but anxiously tapping his index finger on his collarbone.

She Li scoffed from where he stood a dozen or so feet away.

‘What are you going to do, pig?’ He asked Zhengxi.

My father owns this city, you can’t touch me.

-

Mo Guan Shan clenched his teeth at the ache in his jaw and chose not to wipe away the blood that still trickled from his nose, over his lips, and down his chin.

People don’t realize how much a broken nose can bleed until over a pint soaks through everything you’ve used to staunch the flow or, in Mo Guan Shan’s case, your chest and shirt.

The ache spread down his neck, working its way down his spine.

He felt his face begin to swell as the tissue tried to heal and the bruise began to form.

Jian Yi’s going to be SO pissed.

He couldn’t hear Shi Li’s taunts or stupid fucking monologuing over the ringing in his ears.

He looked up, vision slightly blurred.

Zhengxi’s hand hovered over the pistol on his hip, the other trying to restrain He Tian.

He Tian’s hands were balled into fists, his shoulders shook.

Keeping his eyes open with adrenaline, fury, and sheer force of will, Mo Guan Shan listened to arrogant tone of She Li’s nauseating voice, trying to focus on clearing his mind and pulling his phone from his pocket.

Fuck him.

FUCK him if he thought he was going to ruin this.

They hadn’t been expecting it, so when Mo Guan Shan pushed past them, they didn’t stop him.

Surprised, She Li turned the gun on him, wincing as he moved and Mo Guan Shan dropped his phone into He Tian’s lap.

Zhengxi tensed.

He Tian smiled.

Mo Guan Shan was covered in blood.

From his light gray shirt to his bright blue shoes.

She Li was caught off guard.

Zhengxi’s gun didn’t waver from a kill shot.

Mo Guan Shan approached him slowly.

He Tian showed Zhengxi the text Mo Guan Shan had left on the screen.

‘STOP.’

She Li froze.

He had no intention of shooting Mo Guan Shan.

Mo Guan Shan stopped in front of him, reaching out carefully to wrap his arms around She Li’s neck, as he seized violently and collapsed.

Mo Guan Shan dropped to his knees, yanking the pistol from his hand and sliding it to He Tian.

Zhengxi rushed to She Li’s side, checking his pulse and looking up at Jane where she still held the taser, shocked.

Julio stood behind her, entirely unsure of what to do.

He Tian shoved the pistol into the back of his jeans and approached Mo Guan Shan.

‘Are you ok?’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

‘My nose is broken and I think I have a concussion.’

He Tian dialed Jian Yi, foregoing a rundown, telling him to hurry.

Zhengxi was busy with Jane and Julio.

‘I want to…’

He trailed off, but He Tian understood, helping him to his feet.

Approaching She Li, Mo Guan Shan wondered which part of him he hated most.

Answering for him, He Tian stopped a few inches away and laughed when Mo Guan Shan put the last of his energy into kicking She Li in the balls before losing consciousness.

Thanking Jane and promising he’d kept her updated He Tian rode with Zhengxi to the hospital.

Mo Guan Shan’s nose was broken and he did, in fact, have a nasty concussion.

It would take a few weeks for the swelling to go down to know the extent of the damage that had been done to his nose, but he was told to rest for a few days, as if Jian Yi would let him out of bed.

After days of hounding, Zhengxi gave in and dragged He Tian onto the porch.

‘You’re not going to like it.’ Zhengxi had said.

Apparently, She Li had been bailed out by Daddy within hours, bones broken, but none the less horrible.

‘He’s going to get what’s coming to him.’ Zhengxi had told He Tian in an attempt to comfort him before leaving.

‘You’re god damned right he his.’

-

Mo Guan Shan woke up thirsty.

He Tian had shooed the nurse from the room, promising to hydrate him.

‘Are you ok?’ He Tian asked gently.

Mo Guan Shan laughed.

‘Compared to what?’


	47. Chapter 47

He Tian handed Mo Guan Shan the glass of water the nurse had left, watching him take a small sip and put it down on the table next to the bed.

Dark bruises were slowly forming under his eyes.

He looked exhausted.

He Tian wanted to hurt someone.

 

Before he could so much as open his mouth to speak, Jian Yi knocked lightly on the doorframe.

‘Zhengxi has some questions for you, He Tian.’

‘Can it wait?’

‘No.’

He Tian assured Mo Guan Shan he’d be back as soon as he could and left the room.

Jian Yi took his place next to the bed, fixing the tangle of tubes and wires on the bed.

‘Mo Guan Shan, what the fuck were you thinking?’ He asked quietly.

‘What do you mean?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, surprised by the question.

‘Why would you go outside with him? What good could possibly have come from that?’

Mo Guan Shan looked away.

‘I…I thought if I talked to him I could get him to leave.’

Jian Yi took a deep breath, trying to keep him temper under control.

‘Really? Because your track record of being alone with him is just fucking stellar, right?’

‘No, I mean-’

‘No.’ Jian Yi interrupted.

‘You put yourself in danger, you put Zhengxi’s job at jeopardy because we all know he’ll tell whatever lie he deems necessary to keep this from becoming a real fucking problem and, worst of all, you put He Tian in a situation he can not handle rationally. I don’t know you well, Mo Guan Shan, but I didn’t think you were that fucking stupid. That fucking selfish.’

Mo Guan Shan’s blood ran cold. His heartbeat was the loudest thing in his head as he fought the childish urge to cry.

He didn’t know what he’d expected from this conversation, but it wasn’t this.

‘I didn’t ask for this, Jian Yi. I didn’t ask for He Tian’s help. Or yours. Or Zhengxi’s. You didn’t have to do any of this. You still don’t.’

Jian Yi laughed bitterly.

‘But he did. We did. He Tian clearly cares for you, so we do too, but this is the second time in less than two weeks that we’ve all covered for you and your recklessness. I don’t know about them, but I won’t be doing it again.’

Mo Guan Shan searched for the right response, for any response, but came up empty.

‘Jian Yi.’ Came He Tian’s voice from the hallway.

Mo Guan Shan turned his face away as Jian Yi stood, pushing the chair back, and shoved past He Tian.

He Tian followed him down the hall, nearly running into him when he stopped suddenly.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ He Tian demanded.

‘You’re being fucking stupid, He Tian. This shit between the two of you, it’s not healthy.’

He Tian raised his eyebrows.

‘I thought you’d understand this, considering…’

‘What Zhengxi and I have was born our of years of friendship and patience. Yours popped into existence in an alleyway a fucking week ago. He was hurt. You rescued him, hurting his abuser in the process. Have you considered that, possibly, this has been fueled by adrenaline? Loneliness? Perceived obligation?’

He Tian cocked his head to the side, nostrils flaring.

Fucking brutal.

‘I have, yeah.’ He Tian tried to keep his tone indifferent.

‘This is chaos, He Tian.’

‘I know.’

‘You shouldn’t want a relationship like this. You shouldn’t be so ready to go back to how you used to be.’

‘Shouldn’t I?’ He asked.

‘No!’

‘For fuck’s sake, I don’t HAVE anyone that’s loved me since I was a kid. Even if I still knew anyone I’d met when I was five years old, do you think they’d still be around? In case you haven’t noticed, people don’t seem to like me much once they get to know me.’

‘I do.’

‘You caught me on the tail end of that shit, believe it or not.’

‘You almost fucking died.’

‘It was hardly the first time.’ He Tian spat.

Jian Yi blinked at him in shock.

That’s right, fucker, here’s some devastating news I’ve fastidiously kept from you for years to avoid breaking your heart.

Brilliant.

He continued, knowing he was making it worse bin unable to stop himself.

‘I haven’t always been quite this likable and pleasant, you know. Why do you think I never bring anyone to dinner? Never tell you about anyone I bring home? I don’t know anything about them and they don’t know anything about me. I don’t care and neither do they. They like the way I look and I like that they don’t ask questions.’

‘So, what’s different now?’ he demanded.

Jian Yi was on the verge of tears, still reeling from his confession.

He hated it when Jian Yi cried and hated himself for being the reason.

‘I don’t know. Maybe is IS the adrenaline. Or the loneliness. Maybe I’m just going soft, but it feels an awful lot like what you assholes call love. It is chaos. I’m working on that.’

‘I just want you to be happy.’ Jian Yi argued, breath hitching mid sentence.

‘I know you do. Thank you. But your idea of happiness doesn’t exist in my world right now.’

‘You’re going to fuck this up. Everything you have going for you, everything you’ve worked so hard for, you’re going to throw it away on someone you barely fucking know.’

‘You’re not exactly in a position to give me relationship advice.’

Shit.

That was a low blow.

Too low.

He Tian wished he could snatch the words from the air the second they slipped past his lips.

Jian Yi flushed, quickly wiping away the tears that fell onto his cheeks.

‘Fuck you, He Tian.’ He whispered.

He Tian walked around him, giving him a wide berth, only to be stopped by Zhengxi as he rounded the corner.

‘What’s going on here?’ He demanded, looking past He Tian to where Jian Yi stood, shoulders hunched and shaking with silent sobs.

‘Move.’ He Tian told him.

‘Tell me what’s going on.’ Zhengxi insisted, stopping him with a hand on his chest.

He Tian shoved his hand away.

‘What the fuck is going on?’

‘Are you going to arrest me, Zhengxi?’  
‘W-what? No…’

‘Then get the fuck out of my way, and stay away from him.’

Zhengxi held his hands up in passive surrender and watched him go.

He Tian drove back to the apartment, gathering Mo Guan Shan things.

It took three trips and a short struggle with the cat to transfer everything from Jian Yi and Zhengxi’s apartment to his.

He worked quickly, ignoring the tears that blurred his vision.

made his way back to the hospital and to Mo Guan Shan’s room.

Mo Guan Shan stiffened when he entered the room but didn’t look up from his hands in his lap.

He Tian rifled through the cabinets before perching on the edge of the bed.

In a practiced motion, he placed a cotton ball over the needle holding his IV in place and removed it carefully.

He cleaned the area with an alcohol wipe and applied a bandage.

‘What are you doing?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘We’re leaving.’

‘But-’

‘Do you want to stay here?’ He Tian’s voice was much harsher than he’d intended.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

‘Then we’re leaving. The hospital can bill me and we’ll pick up your prescriptions later today.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘Back to my place. You’re going to get some rest and I’m going to end this shit. This is never going to happen again, I’m going to make god damn fucking sure of that.’

‘But, I-’

He Tian cut him off, gently taking Mo Guan Shan’s face in his hands.

‘Never. Again.’

Mo Guan Shan hesitated, still a little dazed.

‘Do you trust me?’ He Tian asked.

‘Completely.’ He answered without a beat.

He Tian helped him to his feet and into his jacket.

‘Then let’s go home.’


	48. Chapter 48

‘Care to tell me what that was about?’ Zhengxi asked a few minutes into their drive home when Jian Yi managed to catch his breath.

‘He Tian is a fucking idiot is what that was about.’

Zhengxi sighed.

‘Well, yes, but that is not a new development.’

Jian Yi scoffed, staring out the window as they drove.

‘He’s going to get into serious trouble one of these days. She Li could easily press charges and that is the last thing He Tian needs right now. He was doing so well with all of this before Mo Guan Shan came along. He’s making a mistake here and we all fucking know it.

Zhengxi frowned.

‘Jian Yi, you’re being a little harsh. I thought you were the nice one here.’

‘Who’s side are you on here, Zhengxi?!’

‘It’s not that simple. I don’t blame He Tian for doing what he did. I can’t say that’s how I would have handled, it but this is He Tian we’re talking about.’

‘What about Mo Guan Shan? Can you blame him?’

Zhengxi thought for a moment.

'It wasn’t a good move-’

‘IT WAS A FUCKING HORRIBLE MOVE!’ Jian Yi interrupted, voice rough.

When Zhengxi didn’t respond Jian Yi asked ‘how can you defend him on this?’

‘I’m not defending his actions, I’m defending our friend.’

They pulled into the parking lot and Zhengxi killed the engine. He reached for Jian Yi, thought better of it, and dropped his hands into his lap.

‘Our friend is ready to get fucking killed for this shit and drag you right along with him.’

Jian Yi didn’t give him a chance to respond, unbuckling his seatbelt and letting himself out of the car.

Oh.

Zhengxi followed, locking the cruiser and walking quickly after his boyfriend.

‘Jesus, Jian Yi, is that what this is about?’

‘It’s a big fucking part of it. What you do is dangerous enough without you jumping into the messes he gets himself into by being reckless.’

‘I would do the same if I wasn’t a cop. You know that.’

Jian Yi whirled around.

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better? He had a gun, Zhengxi! You could have died.’ His breath hitched on the last word.

‘The same thing could have happened in any other situation.’

‘Is THAT supposed to make me feel better?!’

‘I have no idea what I could say right now that would make you feel better, so, no.’

Jian Yi turned to look at him.

‘That you’ll quit. That you’ll quit and do what you actually want to do and be safe. But you’re not going to say that because you’re not going to fucking do it.’

‘This isn’t about me.’ Zhengxi said.

‘It is to me.’Jian Yi told him, eyes wet again.

‘Why are you acting like this?’ Zhengxi asked. ‘I understand you’re upset and I don’t blame you, but He Tian is your best friend. And I thought you liked Mo Guan Shan.’

‘That’s…that’s not the point.’

'Then what’s the point?’

'The point is that his selfishness puts the people around him in danger.’

‘Jian Yi, this is uncharted territory for him and he needs you.’

Jian Yi opened the door, stepping inside and flicking the lights on, ready to argue.

There was a key on the kitchen table.

A neon green, glow in the dark, key.

He Tian’s key to the apartment.

‘Yeah.’ Jian Yi agreed, bitter and sarcastic.

‘Clearly.’

Jian Yi stormed off, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

So Zhengxi was going to have to be the adult here?

Brilliant.

He grabbed the key, dropping it into the junk drawer with a sigh and making his way to the guest room.

Any trace that Mo Guan Shan had been there was gone, save the note on the bedside table.  
In messy, familiar, writing:

'Thank you for everything. I’m so sorry. '


	49. Chapter 49

Mo Guan Shan was slightly concerned.

You’re not supposed to just…leave the hospital, Right? There’s all kinds of horrible paperwork and lectures they haven’t finished.

‘Don’t we have to check out?’ He asked at He Tian pulled him down the hall.

‘I’ll handle it.’

Mo Guan Shan wanted to argue, but not as much as he wanted to leave the fucking place.

He let He Tian guide him through the parking lot and slid into the car when he opened the door, less gentleman and more hurry-the-fuck-up.

They didn’t talk on the way back to the apartment. He Tian rested his hand on Mo Guan Shan’s thigh.

Mo Guan Shan’s head was pounding and he wanted nothing more than to lie in the dark and sleep for a week.

He Tian held his hand as they walked. There was no rush this time.

Mo Guan Shan squeezed his fingers, grateful for the anchor and wondering which one of them needed it more.

He Tian kept his eyes on the ground until they stopped in front of the door.

It took two tries to get the key in the lock.

The apartment was dark and quiet, like it’d been that way for years.

Mo Guan Shan followed He Tian to the bedroom, freezing at the sight of his bags, neatly packed and lined up at the end of the bed.

‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure if I should get your things… I just knew you’d be tired and I thought…’ He Tian trailed off, clearly unprepared to defend his actions.

‘No, I appreciate it. You’re right, I don’t have the energy to deal with that right now.’

He Tian didn’t respond, pulling the covers back and gesturing for Mo Guan Shan to get on the bed before going to the kitchen and bringing him a glass of ice water and some individually wrapped crackers, like the ones you get at restaurants when you order soup.

‘I haven’t been grocery shopping in awhile.’ He Tian explained with a shrug he’d likely meant to come across as casual.

‘Are you going to be alright alone for a little while? I’m going to go pick up your prescriptions.’ He Tian told him, leaning against the doorframe and looking down at his phone.

Mo Guan Shan nodded, his stomach in knots.

‘He Tian…’ Mo Guan Shan’s voice was soft and tired.

He looked up from his phone, ‘Yeah?’

‘That’s all you’re doing, right? Going to pick up the prescriptions?’

He Tian nodded. ‘Yes, of course.’

‘You promise?’

Mo Guan Shan Shan looked very small, very sad, and very hurt.

The childish way he’d phrased the question made He Tian’s heart hurt.

Approaching him, He Tian leaned over the side of the bed and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

‘I promise. It’ll be an hour, tops. Call or text if you need me or if there’s anything you need from the store. If you tell me now I’ll forget by the time I reach the car.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded in agreement.

‘Oh, and don’t go to sleep because you might die and I’d prefer that you did not.’

Mo Guan Shan had absolutely no idea how to respond to that so he gave He Tian a thumbs up and watched him leave.

Felix surprised him by joining him on the bed.

Scratching the cat’s head, Mo Guan Shan felt a sudden stab of guilt. This was a lot of change in a short time and he was probably just as shaken up as Mo Guan Shan in his own, furry, way.

Curling up next to his foot, Felix was asleep in seconds. Mo Guan Shan sat back, envious, wishing he could do the same.

Stupid concussion, he thought, closing his eyes against a wave of pain.

Stupid broken nose.

Stupid She Li.

Stupid me.

Stupid, stupid, me.

-

He Tian stood in line at the pharmacy, grateful they’d filled the prescriptions before they’d left the hospital.

Rookie move, Doctor.

The cart he pushed held an assortment of things that he should probably have around.

Cat litter.

Cat food, brand matching the picture he’d taken of Felix’s nearly empty bag.

Icecream.

Cereal.

Milk

Eggs.

Bread.

Cheese.

Various sandwich making ingredients.

Frozen pizzas.

Beer.

An ice pack.

Some soap and shampoo.

Toilet paper.

Two extra pillows.

Tissues.

Pain killers.

Basically, the essentials.

Remembering he was picking up a controlled substance, he send a text to Mo Guan Shan asking for his birthday.

Along with the pain killers, Mo Guan Shan had asked the pharmacy to request the prescription for his anxiety meds be transferred here.

He Tian sat in the car, head resting against the steering wheel. He told himself to just go back. No detours, no bad decisions, no compulsive bullshit.

He was just so angry.

So. Fucking. Angry.

With Mo Guan Shan for being so reckless.

With Zhengxi for always jumping right into the danger.

With Jian Yi for worrying. For telling the truth. For saying all the things he wasn’t ready to hear.

With She Li for just fucking existing. For being such a fucking waste of blood.

But, mostly, he was angry with himself.

Angry because he’d let this happen.

Angry because he’d failed to protect the only people he gave a damn about.

Angry because everything was FUCKED.

Because everything was fucked and it was about to get a whole lot worse.

-

True to his word, He Tian made it back to the apartment thirty-six minutes after he’d left.

He sat the bags down on the ground where normal people would put a kitchen table and poked his head into the bedroom.

Mo Guan Shan was flipping through channels on the tv across from the bed, the cat next to him.

They exchanged tired smiles and He Tian made his way to the kitchen to put things away, taking the rest back to the room with him and setting it on the bed.

He tore open the prescription bag, reading the labels, giving Mo Guan Shan a pill from each bottle and handing him a cold drink.

He placed the box of tissues on the bedside table and began to search his drawers for pillowcases before motioning for Mo Guan Shan to sit up so he could place the new, fluffy, pillows behind his back.

He changed the cat’s water and poured some food into his bowl where he’d left them next to the dresser.

Pulling his shirt over his head and stepping out his jeans, he pulled the curtains closed and joined Mo Guan Shan on the bed.

‘I got an ice pack but it's…’ He Tian trailed off when he saw the way Mo Guan Shan was looking at him.’

‘…what?’

‘You didn’t have to do all this.’

He Tian turned off the bedside lamp off and settled back onto the pillows.

‘I know.’

Mo Guan Shan was watching an old, animated, movie He Tian had watched once as a kid. He couldn’t remember what it was called, but he remember it being incredibly, incredibly, sad.

Normally, you’d assume a sad movie wouldn’t be the right choice after the last, what? 18 hours? Several days? Six months? But He Tian understood.

Some sadness can’t be cured. It can’t be ignored, or denied.

Some sadness can only be fed, and felt, and lived.

It runs too deep and hits too hard and you just have to ride it out.

The credits rolled and He Tian realized Mo Guan Shan had fallen asleep. Retrieving the remote, he checked the title. Grave Of The Fireflies.

He flipped through the channels for awhile before settling on Once Upon A Time In The West, everyone’s go-to happy movie.

He willed himself to relax. He needed to get some sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he saw Mo Guan Shan, bleeding on the pavement. Jian Yi’s eyes fill with tears. The fear in Zhengxi’s eyes. The smirk on She Li’s lips. He’d never been less tired.

He got off the bed as carefully as he could, trying not to disturb Mo Guan Shan, and pulled his jeans back on. He dug out his pack of cigarettes and stepped out onto the porch, lighting one and leaning against the rough, stucco, wall.

Thumbing his phone on, he scrolled through the contacts for a number he’d never called and wondered if it was still correct. Taking a deep breath, he held the phone to his ear.’

‘Tian?’ came the voice on the other end of the line.

‘Yeah.’

‘Is everything alright?’

He Tian struggled to find his words, and the other man waited for bad news.

‘I was wondering if we could meet up.’

Silence from the other end of the line.

Shit. This was stupid, wasn’t it? Why would he want to see him? They hadn’t so much as spoken in years. He Tian was about to tell him to forget it, or hang up, when the other man spoke.

‘Yeah, of course.’

He Tian said he’d text him the details, and they hung up.

In a futile effort to keep himself distracted while time crawled by, He Tian cleaned up around the house, made some food to reheat later, showered as quickly and quietly as possible. He took his time shaving and brushing his teeth.

In the bedroom, he found Mo Guan Shan awake, leaning back on the headboard and scrolling through his phone.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Fucking horrible.’

Not for the first or tenth time since they left the hospital, He Tian had the urge to text Jian Yi. It hurt this time too.

‘Did you take one of the pain pills?’ He Tian asked.

Mo Guan Shan nodded. ‘Yeah, a few minutes ago.’

He Tian sat on the edge of the bed, facing Mo Guan Shan but struggling to make eye contact.

‘I have to go to the club for a little while. Smooth things over. Check on Jane.’

‘I figured. Do you want me to come with you?’

He Tian shook his head. ‘You need to get some more rest.’

Mo Guan Shan agreed and let He Tian pile anything he could possibly need in his lap and assure him that he’d be back in a few hours.

He didn’t ask if He Tian was telling the truth this time.


	50. Chapter 50

He was a dick for lying to Mo Guan Shan. He knew that, and there was no excuse for it. No way to tell himself that what he was doing was for the greater good or for anyone’s benefit. He knew that, and it didn’t change anything.

He Tian arrived at the club a little after six in the evening, making his way to the bar and waving down Jane. She looked tired and a little bit frazzled but not excessively traumatized.

He was going to tell her that he was going to come get her in a little bit so they could talk about the night before but didn’t manage to squeeze in a syllable once she got going.

Leaning over the bar, Jane shouted into his ear, ‘You didn’t tell me you have a fucking brother!’

He Tian sighed. Great.

‘Down, girl. Where is he?’

Jane leaned back, smirking, and pointed towards the end of the bar.

Cheng looked exactly as he had so many years ago.

With as much confidence as he could muster, He Tian approached the man, placing a hand on his shoulder. Without a word, Cheng stood and followed him to the back of the bar.

Letting them into the office, He Tian gestured to the chair by the desk and settled in across from him. Neither one of them spoke.

A long minute passed while He Tian gathered his thoughts, wondering if this was as stupid as it felt.

‘So… this is your place?’ his brother asked as a way to fill the silence. He Tian nodded, ‘Yeah, ‘I bought it a few years ago.’ He Cheng nodded. ‘I like it.’

More silence.

‘What’s this about, Tian? He Cheng asked ‘I know you didn’t call me for a friendly visit. ’, and There was an edge to his voice that He Tian couldn’t put his finger on. He was probably wishing he’d stayed home

Me, being an idiot. He Tian wanted to tell him. Me being childish, and selfish, and dramatic.

Instead, he said ‘I met someone.’

He Cheng raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised by the turn this conversation had taken.

‘That’s great…’ He floundered for the right thing to say. He settled on, ‘What’s her name?’

Oh, yeah, this part.

In a moment of insanity he’d forgotten that his family didn’t know he was gay.

It’s not too late to back out, or lie, or fake a heart attack.

No, he told himself, no more of that. That part of his life was over.

‘His name is Mo Guan Shan.’

Without missing a beat, his brother asked ‘How did you meet?’

He Tian didn’t know exactly the reaction he’d expected from his brother, but that wasn’t it. It’s not that he thought badly of Cheng, or had any reason to believe he’d react negatively to the news, but after so many years of diligently hiding that part of himself from his family, he’d subconsciously built the moment up to be catastrophic.

He Tian took a deep breath, steeling himself, and told his brother everything. (Leaving out some of the more intimate details.)

He told him how they’d met, about She Li, about taking him back to the apartment.

About the bruises, and stitches, and broken ribs.

About visiting his family, and giving him a job, about the brief moment of normalcy.

He told him about She Li’s reappearance, and ending up in the hospital, and his fight with Jian Yi.

-

Cheng listened in silence, taking it all in, trying to mentally keep track of the names. He was still confused as to what inspired his brother to involve him in this, if that’s what he’d been doing.

He wanted to tell him how sorry he was that all this was happening, he wanted to sympathize, to help somehow, but he was at a loss.

‘What can I do?’ he asked.

He Tian hesitated, shaking his head and looking away, searching for words. He looked very young in that moment.

He looked like the ten year old that came home crying, telling He Cheng about a kid at school that was fucking with him. His problems were so much easier to fix then.

‘I just…’ He Tian began, a tremor in his voice ‘…don’t know what to do.’

He Cheng was familiar with the feeling.

‘What do you want to do?’

He Tian laughed bitterly. ‘I WANT to end this. I want to beat the asshole within an inch of his life, shoot him in the fucking head with his own gun and feed his body to sharks.’

He Cheng nodded, he was familiar with that feeling also. ‘That’s probably not the best move.’

‘What is?’ He Tian asked, exasperated.

Fuck, who knows.

‘Well, you got the cops involved. It’s best to let them take care of it.’ He Cheng answered, not a trace of conviction in his voice.

He Tian raised his eyebrows, expression clearly asking when he’d become such a pussy. He wondered that himself sometimes.

‘Is that what you would do?’

He Cheng wanted to laugh. ‘Ten years ago I would have beaten someone with a bag of barbed wire wrapped oranges for cutting me off in traffic.’

‘But not anymore?’

‘Not anymore.’

‘He deserves so much worse than any treatment he’ll get from the cops.’ He Tian argued.

‘Most people do.’ He Cheng agreed. ‘But it seems like you have some more important things to focus on right now, like Mo Guan Shan, and your friends…’ God, he really had become a pussy.

He Tian looked away, jaw clenched. ‘I hate this, Cheng.’

‘Of course you do, it’s a horrible situation.’

He Tian shook his head. ‘Not just this, everything.’

‘I don’t understand.’

Guilt flashed across He Tian’s face as he picked up a paperclip sitting on the desk and began to bend it out of shape.

‘The business, the responsibility, all of it. I don’t want to sign paychecks and pay for street parking, I want to kick down doors and hurt people.’

In that moment, He Cheng saw more of himself in his little brother than he’d ever hoped to and it made his heart hurt.

‘I know, Tian. Trust me, I know.’

‘How do people do this? Spend their whole lives going through the motions and hope other people solve their problems?’m

‘I honestly have no idea.’ He Cheng admitted.

‘But aren’t you doing it? You’re a respectable member of society now.’

He Cheng laughed. ‘Yeah, I guess I am.’

‘And how’s that going for you?’ the younger man asked.

‘It could be worse.’

‘You like it?’

‘I wouldn’t go that far.’

‘So why are you doing it?’ He Tian demanded ‘Aren’t you fucking bored?’

He Cheng sighed, knowing He Tian wouldn’t believe him if he said no.

‘Yes. I’m incredibly bored, but with the way things were going before I left, I’d have ended up in prison or a box in the ground. I prefer this.’

He Tian looked down at the mangled paperclip, pressing down on one of the sharp points with his index finger and asked ‘Are you still in? The marines, I mean.’

He Cheng shook his head. ‘No, I’ve been out for about a year.’

‘What are you doing now?’

‘I’m a personal trainer.’

‘Of course you are.’

They both smiled. The moment felt almost normal.

Fuck. Now he has to do it.

‘What’s the kid’s name again?’ He Cheng asked.

‘She Li.’

‘Do you know where he lives?’

‘Yes.’ He Tian answered, barely suppressing a smile,

‘Alright, I’ve got to make a few calls. I’ll text you later, don’t do anything stupid.’

‘Don’t do anything stupid without you, you mean?’

‘That’s exactly what I mean.’

He Tian relaxed almost imperceptibly, a miniscule amount of tension leaving his shoulders.

‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’


	51. Chapter 51

[last year]

-

Zhengxi perched on the edge of the couch, watching his boyfriend as he divided his attention between his phone and the movie he’d put on.

‘Jian Yi, we need to talk.’

‘Why?’ Jian Yi asked, ‘Are you pregnant?’

Zhengxi reached for the remote next to Jian Yi’s thigh and turned the tv off.

Jian Yi sat up, turning to face him.

‘What’s up?’

Zhengxi leaned against the arm of the couch, taking a deep breath, telling himself he couldn’t keep putting it off.

‘I want to join the police force.’

Jian Yi raised his eyebrows.

‘I’m sorry, what?’

Zhengxi didn’t respond, knowing Jian Yi had heard him just fine.

‘You…want to be a cop?’

‘Yes.’

Jian Yi’s face was carefully blank. An unnerving look for someone normally so expressive.

‘Why?’

‘I…I want to help people.’

Jian Yi studied him in silence for a few moments.

‘You want to help people?’

‘Yes.’ Zhengxi confirmed.

‘Do you have any fucking idea how dangerous that is?’

‘It’s hardly more dangerous than what you do.’

Jian Yi was on his feet in an instant, hands balled in to fists at his side, nostrils flared, poker face slipping and color gathering in his cheeks.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

Zhengxi had only seen Jian Yi, really, truly, angry a handful of times since they’d met two decades before. It is not a nice experience.

‘Do you have any idea how many fucking cops i deal with every month? Every week? Do you have any FUCKING idea how dangerous this city is?’

‘Yes, but-’ Zhengxi began to argue, knowing it was pointless as Jian Yi continued.

‘You’ve seen so many awful things, what could possibly compel you to jump into the middle of that?’

‘I just told you, I want to help.’

‘Don’t even try to pull that hero shit on me, motherfucker, this is you following in Daddy’s footsteps because your dream was a little bit harder to realize than you’d expected.’

Ouch.

‘That’s not fair.’

‘What is it that you say? Life isn’t fair?’

‘Jian Yi, I’m trying to have a civilized conversation with you and you’re overreacting.’

Wow, that was a stupid thing to say. As the words left his lips, he desperately wished he would yank them from the air and fucking choke on them.

‘I’m overreacting? Are you fucking kidding me? I help people that need medical attention. We save lives. You’ll be responding to drunk and disorderly and public intoxication bullshit. Busting teenyboppers for selling each other shit weed. It takes ONE of them with a gun and itchy trigger finger and it’s YOU I’m holding together.’

‘Baby, can you-’

‘No. I can’t. Don’t fucking call me that.’

Zhengxi winced. Jian Yi loved it when he talked like that, called him baby, honey, sweetheart. After all these years it still makes him smile. Not tonight.

Jian Yi stared at him, furious, terrified, heartbroken.

‘Is this really what you want?’

Zhengxi looked away.

‘Yes.’

‘And what? about how I feel? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?’

‘Of course it does, Jian Yi.’

‘So what if I say no. What if I tell you that you can’t do it?’

‘You won’t.’

Jian Yi sighed, crossing his arms across his chest and looking down at the tattoo on his forearm as the lines and colors were distorted by the tears gathering in his eyes. Zhengxi was right, he wouldn’t.

‘Then what if I say it’s too much? That I can’t handle the thought of you putting yourself in danger every day and the overwhelming anxiety of worrying about you even more than I already do because you’re a reckless idiot.’

‘Is that what you’re saying?’ Zhengxi asked softly, fighting the urge to be sick as his heartbeat kicked up and pumped frozen water through his veins.

Jian Yi shifted his weight from foot to foot. ‘I don’t know, Zhengxi, maybe.’

Zhengxi stood, taking a few steps towards his boyfriend. Jian Yi backed away, holding his hands up in front of him to stop him, to stop the conversation, to stop the pain before it catches up with him.

‘I think you should go.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Deadly.’

‘Where the fuck am I supposed to go?’

‘Go to He Tian’s, go get a hotel room, go join the fucking circus, I don’t give a shit. I just want you out.’ Jian Yi told him, turning away and heading for the kitchen. Zhengxi followed.

‘Maybe if you just take a second to calm down-’

Jian Yi whirled around, shoving Zhengxi back when he nearly ran into him.

‘FUCK you, Zhengxi.’ His voice was barely above a whisper and Zhengxi wished he’d screamed it, screaming hurts less.

Neither one of them could remember a single time Jian Yi had said that to him and actually meant it.

Making sure he had his things, Zhengxi left the apartment without another word. The last thing he heard before closing the door behind him is a glass shattering as it hit the wall.

-

He Tian got home around three, nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw Zhengxi sitting on his couch.

‘Hey, man…’

Zhengxi shook his head, staring down into the glass of amber liquid he held.

‘I told Jian Yi I want to be a cop.’

He Tian sat his things on the coffee table and joined Zhengxi on the couch.

‘Like…as a poorly thought out joke or because you’re actually that fucking stupid?’

‘Is there a third option?’

‘No.’


	52. Chapter 52

Mo Guan Shan waited until he heard He Tian’s key in the lock before getting out of bed. 

He made his way to the bathroom, grabbing one of his bags on the way, only slightly unsteady on his feet. 

He looked at himself in the mirror and regretted it immediately.

The bruises that had begun to bloom the night before were immeasurably worse, dark purple forming a jagged circle around both eyes from his cheekbones to a centimeter below his eyebrows. 

He looked like shit. Like an extra in a George A. Romero movie that was really getting into the part.

Leaning over the counter, he gently prodded at his swollen nose, below where the skin had split on the bridge. He’d heard it break and wondered if he’d be able to feel it, but the tissue was so swollen he couldn’t even feel the bone. He was hit with a wave of nausea and pushed himself away from the counter.

Perching on the side of the tub and trying not to vomit, he spent several minutes going over the pros and cons of taking a shower.

Eventually, the knowledge that it was the only way to get rid of the hospital feeling, he decided to power through it.

Turning the taps, he searched his bag for his toothbrush, toothpaste, and varying types of soap, he realized the He Tian hadn’t packed his things from the bathroom in the other apartment.

Fuck.

It’s not like he was mad, after everything He Tian had done for him, but…fuck.

He checked the bags He Tian had left for him after his trip to the store, finding bodywash and shampoo.

Knowing it was a dick move, he opened the top drawer under the counter and could have cried in relief when he found an unopened toothbrush.

Well, six unopened toothbrushes.

He picked green and wondered how many one night stands had stood exactly where he stood right at this moment, doing exactly what he was doing now.

A thank you note and cab fare couldn’t make it more obvious that they weren’t going to to be staying for breakfast.

Borrowing some toothpaste, Mo Guan Shan stuck the toothbrush in his mouth before stepping into the shower.

He knew if he looked down he’d see scrapes and bruises and all the things that look a whole lot like setbacks after the last few weeks of not getting his ass kicked, so he didn’t.

Spitting toothpaste down the drain, he washed himself slowly and thoroughly, groaning when he reflexively began to wash his face and touched his nose. It didn’t necessarily add to the pain, the meds were doing their job and keeping everything nice and dull, but he knew it was coming.

He was well acquainted with pain and knew, in the next day or so, with or without pain killers, it was going to hit him like a train. 

Unfortunately, just like getting hit by a train, knowing it was going to happen did not make it suck any less.

He tried to get his thoughts in order, to pin down how he was feeling beyond the general self-loathing, but came up empty.

He knew it was horrible, but a small, selfish, part of him couldn’t help but feel smug, being the exception to the rule with He Tian.

Being the one that got to stay for breakfast. 

The rest of him knew it was all shit.

As far Mo Guan Shan could see it, there were two possibilities-

1- He Tian is doing all this because he feels obligated. Because he saved Mo Guan Shan like a fucking damsel in distress, and now he feels responsible. That’s what they say, right? You save someone’s life and you’re responsible for it. Does that only apply to immediate death? Maybe there some kind of loophole.

2- He Tian actually cares about him. Cares about him enough to change his entire life just to be with him when it was clearly a horrible choice.

He had said he’d loved him, but people say all kinds of things when you’re bleeding on the ground.

Mo Guan Shan lowered himself to the cool tile, leaning his head back and letting the warm water wash over him. 

He didn’t deserve a fraction of a fraction of what He Tian had done for him, what all three of them had.

Jian Yi was right. All he’d done was make their lives more complicated and put them in danger with his fucking bullshit.

He should leave. Use the last bit of his savings and catch a plane home. Shit, all his things were packed. He could call a cab right now and be gone before He Tian got home.

It would sting, but so does a tetanus shot and that’s just what you get for handling broken things.

If he was a good person, he would leave.

He wished he could call his sister, she’d know what to do.

But she’d also lose her fucking mind, so maybe that’s not a great idea.

Fishing clean clothes from one of his bags, and crawled back onto the bed, curled himself around Felix and wallowed in his self pity like he was getting paid for it.

The tears came and he hated himself for it. .

He could only handle so many emotions at once before short circuiting like a toaster in a hot tub, and he was just about at his limit.


	53. Chapter 53

Jian Yi sighed.

Again.

Zhengxi wished he'd been keeping count because this was probably setting some kind of record.

‘Just go talk to them, Jian Yi.’

‘No.’

‘Fine. Then stop pouting.’

‘I'm not fucking pouting.’

‘That's exactly what you're doing. It’s killing you that you don't know what's going on with He Tian and don't know if Mo Guan Shan is alright.’

“I don’t care.”

It was Zhengxi’s turn to sigh.

‘Of course you do. All you need to do is suck it up and go apologize. They’ll both do the same and everyone can hug and cry and make up. It’ll be great.’

‘There's nothing to apologize for.’

Zhengxi hadn’t gotten the full story, but he’d heard the majority of their conversation.

‘I understand that you’re mad, what he said was shitty, but you weren’t all that nice yourself. To him or to Mo Guan Shan from the sound of it.’

Jian Yi clenched his jaw, looking away.

‘I was pissed. I'm still pissed. And it's not as easy as just apologizing, it's… complicated.’

‘Because you're complicating .’

‘He Tian isn't going to forgive me.’

‘Of course he is, don't be an idiot.’

‘Jeez, tell me how you really feel.’

‘Look, you need to fix this or I'm going to lock the three of you in a room together until you stop acting like children.’

‘You know, I don't think I like this sensible side of you.’

‘Yeah, same here. So stop being a brat, and go clean up your mess or there will be consequences, and not the kind you like.’

-

Zhengxi was right, of course. He’d been an asshole, and the longer this went on the harder it would be to fix.

But, God damn. He’s surrounded by idiots.

While Zhengxi got ready for work, Jian Yi put some things together. Half carepackage, half peace offering.

They left the apartment at the same time, both stopping in front of He Tian’s door.

‘Let me know how it goes.’ Zhengxi said, placing a kiss on the side of his head and ringing the doorbell before Jian Yi had the chance to change his mind and chicken out.

Asshole.

After about a minute, he heard footsteps on the other side of the door and the soft scrape of metal on wood that indicated someone moving the cover aside to look through the peephole.

Mo Guan Shan opened the door slowly, warily, like maybe Jian Yi was there to rob him.

‘Jian Yi, if you’re here to yell at me, I’m really not in the mood.’

‘I’m not, I promise.’

Mo Guan Shan stepped aside, letting Jian Yi in and closing the door.

‘Is He Tian here?’ Jian Yi asked, setting the things he’d brought on the counter.

‘No, he went to The Wolf.’

Jian Yi nodded, glad they had the chance to talk one on one for a little while.

‘Are you hungry?’

Mo Guan Shan thought for a few moments.

‘Yeah, kinda.’

They stood in the kitchen quietly while Jian Yi turned the oven on and ripped open the frozen pizza box. Mo Guan Shan was dead on his feet, leaning against the counter for support.

‘Why don’t you go sit down and I’ll meet you in there in a few minutes.’ Jian Yi suggested.

Mo Guan Shan nodded, making his way to the bedroom and fixing the blankets before settling in again and turning the tv on. If this was going to be awkward, at least it won’t be silent.

He picked some stupid romcom he’d seen a few years back and waited.

Jian Yi entered the room with a few beers, handing one to Mo Guan Shan before sitting at the foot of the bed, facing him.

‘Why are you here, Jian Yi?’

‘I...um...couldn’t find an olive branch and thought maybe a pizza was the next best thing.’

Mo Guan Shan didn’t respond. He was too tired and too sore to laugh at bad jokes right now.

Thankfully, after a long drink, Jian Yi continued.

‘I’m sorry, Mo Guan Shan. I was an asshole. I had no right to talk to you like that, and I didn’t mean it.’

‘So, what? You don’t think I’m - how’d you put it? - fucking stupid? Reckless?

‘No to the stupid, yes to the reckless.’

Mo Guan Shan nodded. That seemed fair.

‘I know you think He Tian is making a mistake by being with me.’

‘I don’t-’

‘You do. And i agree with you. You’ve all been so kind to me and I’ve done nothing but fuck things up. I feel like… I feel like it would be best if I left.’

Jian Yi shook his head.

‘No, it would be best if you stopped instigating trouble and putting yourself in dangerous situations.’

‘That too.’

‘He Tian doesn’t want you to leave. Zhengxi and I don’t want you to leave.’

‘Why? It would make everything easier for you.’

‘Even if that were true, and it isn’t, none of us really strive for easy.’

Mo Guan Shan looked away.

‘Thanks, Jian Yi.

‘You’re welcome.’

They watched the movie for a few minutes before Jian Yi went to take the pizza out of the oven.

‘Are you going to stick around to see He Tian?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘Is that alright?’

‘Fine by me.’

The finished the pizza, the movie, and a few more beers before Jian Yi asked if he could check out his injuries.

‘Since you two fucking left the hospital…’

He checked his vitals, shined a light in his eyes, poked and prodded at his brand new bruises, and applied ointment to his palms from where the gravel had been removed.

‘Well, your pupils are still dilated from the concussion, your nose is clearly broken and you look like shit.’

‘Thank you, doctor. I feel much better now.’

‘Shut up.’

So he did, knowing this was for Jian Yi’s peace of mind more than anything else.

He Tian came home about an hour later. If he was surprised to see Jian Yi, he didn’t show it.

Mo Guan Shan excused himself to go to the restroom and give them a chance to talk.

Back in the room, he saw them talking and smoking on the balcony. From the look on He Tian’s face, this might not go as smoothly as his talk had.

He left to find something to do in the kitchen.

-

‘What do you want, Jian Yi?’

‘I wanted to apologize.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Please don’t be like that, I’m trying to make things right.’

‘And you managed to do that with Mo Guan Shan?’

‘I think so, yeah.’

‘Likely because he doesn’t know what you said to me.’

‘Yeah, probably. And thank for not telling him.’

‘I didn’t do it for you.’

‘He Tian, I didn’t mean it… I mean… parts of it…’

‘Oh, yeah? What parts? The part where I’m fucking stupid or the part you told me he’s with me out of loneliness? How about the part where you told me I shouldn’t even want him? Oh, maybe the part where I’m going to FUCK everything up?’

‘No, I-’

‘Stop. I’m not doing this. I don’t have time to fucking bicker with you.’

He Tian turned to go inside but Jian Yi grabbed his wrist.

‘Fucking stop it, He Tian! I don’t want to fight like this! We NEVER fight like this!’

‘Because you never fucking talk to me like that.’

‘God damn it, I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry and I don’t know how many times you want me to say it. Can we please just move past this? Skip the part where we hate each other for a couple of months and everyone else has to deal with it?’

He Tian closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. 

‘I don’t know, Jian Yi. I get you were mad, I was too, but i thought you were on my side.’

‘I AM on your side! I’m just worried about you!’

‘You’ve been pestering me for years about this shit. About dating, about finding someone.’

‘Yeah, but-’

‘But, nothing. I don’t know what you expected. That I’d start online dating? Going out to dinner and movies? Find some stable, well rounded, dude and settle down? I’d ruin his life.’

‘That’s not true, He Tian.’

‘Of course it is. I wouldn’t make it to a third date with someone like that. I’d scare him off or hang myself with a tablecloth out of sheer boredom. I'm not cut out for that shit and we all know it.’

‘Other than the crazy shit, you seem to have that with Mo Guan Shan.’

‘That's the thing, I can deal with the crazy shit, I’m used to crazy shit. It's every other goddamn part of it I struggle with.’

‘That's what you have me for.’ Jian Yi said with a small smile.

He Tian regarded him in silence. He knew he was being difficult, just like he knew Jian Yi was right about a lot of what he'd said.

Of course he fucking thought about that, about the reason Mo Guan Shan was here, about the risk he was taking, he thought about it all the time but it's not the same.

He would have been happy to bottle it up and put it on the shelf with all the other things that hurt. But nooo, Jian Yi had to up and say it, the prick.

‘Yeah, I guess it is.’

‘So…’ Jian Yi looked so infuriatingly hopeful.

He Tian sighed.

I guess that's just in the air today.

‘I forgive you.’

He forced a smile that couldn't have look less sincere.

Jian Yi’s smile disappeared, the hope shattering like the fragile thing hope tends to be.

‘You’re lying.’

‘You’re right.’


	54. Chapter 54

Mo Guan Shan was in the kitchen when he heard the sliding door to the porch slide open and closed. Jian Yi stormed out of the bedroom, followed by He Tian.

‘Jian Yi, calm the hell down, you’re over-’

Jian Yi’s eyes were red, his hands balled into fists at his sides as he turned on He Tian.

‘Overreacting, He Tian? Am I overreacting? Fuck you.’

With that, he turned and left, slamming the door behind him. He Tian winced, staring down at his feet.

‘What the hell was that about?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

He Tian shook his head, walking past him to get a beer from the fridge and going back into the room. Mo Guan Shan followed.

‘He Tian, tell me what’s going on.’

He Tian sank onto the bed, massaging his temples in an attempt to relieve the pressure behind his eyes.

‘I just need a drink.’

‘You have a drink.’

‘Then you need one.’

‘I have one too.’

Mo Guan Shan was looking at him, but He Tian wished he wasn’t because he couldn’t look back.

-

He Tian’s phone chimed and his shoulders slumped. He’d known this was coming but he was just so god damn tired.

Twenty minutes later, he stood in the kitchen with Zhengxi. He wasted no time on niceties. Which was great because He Tian was already considering jumping out the fucking window at the prospect of having this conversation.

‘He Tian, I’ve been on your side through all of this, but I can only take that so far. Jian Yi was a dick, I get that, I really do. But you’re being an idiot.’

‘So i’ve heard. Is that all? Are we done here?’ He Tian asked, trying to push past him.

Zhengxi placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back. He froze. Zhengxi had never gotten physical with him like this, and it threw him off like everything had recently. 

‘No, we’re not. This stupid shit you’re puzzling your way through is on you and Jian Yi, but when he calls me crying because of some shit you said, you’re involving me.’

He Tian looked away, hating the way his eyes stung.

Zhengxi continued.

‘If you’re determined to fuck this up, I can’t stop you, but Jian Yi loves you, we both love you. If you were anyone else, in any other situation, I would kick your ass.’

‘I don’t know what you expect me to say here, Zhengxi.’

‘I don’t expect you to say anything, not to me. I expect you to fucking fix this. He tried, now it’s your turn.’

‘I don’t know how. Even if I wanted to.’

Zhengxi closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. How many times was he supposed to do this today?

‘Get the fuck over yourself and apologize, just like he did.’

‘What if I’m not sorry?’

‘Then continue to be stupid and end up alone. I’m not a mediator or a carrier pigeon. I’m not going to do this for either of you after tonight.’

‘I know where you’re coming from with this, but you don’t seem to understand. This isn’t a fucking movie. Words hurt, Zhengxi, words hurt and they change things. I’d rather he’d fucking hit me. An ice pack and a drink can fix a punch. I’m sorry doesn’t fix words, and there’s not a god damned thing you, Jian Yi, or the fucking pope can do about it.’

‘You’re going to regret pushing him away like this.’

‘I’ll add that to the fucking list.’

‘There’s so much going on right now, why focus on this?’

He Tian’s eyes filled with tears and he didn’t try to fight it. It wasn’t the argument or the frustration, or the weight of the last month on his chest.

It was the bone deep exhaustion and helplessness he felt with every fiber of his being.

‘Because HE wasn’t supposed to do this. I needed him. Not to stitch me up or clean up my blood, contrary to popular belief. I needed him to tell me what to do, how to be a person, not to tell me how badly I’ve fucked up.’

He Tian rarely raised his voice, and he never cried. It was jarring, and heartbreaking, and spoke volumes. There was a line in the sand and it had been crossed one too many times today.

‘I don’t know what I’m fucking doing, Zhengxi! I don’t know how to help Mo Guan Shan, or how to fix things with Jian Yi, or defend myself to you. I don’t FUCKING know…’

He Tian sank to his knees, dropping his head. His body shook with sobs. Zhengxi didn’t know what to say, what to do, what to think. He’d come for an argument, not to watch his friend fall apart. 

In that moment, they both needed Jian Yi.

Mo Guan Shan appeared at the sound of raised voices, zeroing in on He Tian. He approached them and crouched down next to him, looking up at Zhengxi, standing uselessly a few feet away.

‘I think you should go, Zhengxi.’

‘Mo Guan Shan, I’m-’

‘Please.’

Mo Guan Shan watched him leave before turning his attention back to He Tian.

He didn’t need to ask him what was wrong this time. He’d heard their conversation just as well as the neighbor’s had.

Giving his arm a gentle tug, Mo Guan Shan prompted He Tian to stand.

‘Let’s go watch a movie or something.’

Back in the bedroom, He Tian immediately retreated to the bathroom.

For shit’s sake, this is getting ridiculous. Between the four of them, there was enough turmoil to power a small country, if countries ran on stubbornness and stupidity.

With the pain, and the pills, and the booze, and the stress that was building like a house of cards, Mo Guan Shan was about to lose his fucking mind.

Too much talking.

Too much crying.

Too much drama, and violence, and bullshit and he was 819% over it.

In the past few weeks, he’d run the fucking gauntlet of emotions.

Fear.

Guilt.

Regret.

Sadness.

Longing.

Happiness.

Surprise.

Gratitude.

Love.

Anger.

So much fucking anger.

Throughout it all, how many times had he asked, begged, reasoned? To feel good. To feel human. Is that honestly so much to ask?

He pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it on the floor next to the bed, and searching through his things. before flopping down on the mattress .

He Tian emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, wearing nothing but a towel.

Mo Guan Shan sat up, extending his hand in invitation.

He Tian approached him slowly, watching him but avoiding eye contact.

‘He Tian, please.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You can.’

‘Mo Guan Shan, I can’t.’

Furious, Mo Guan Shan stood, getting in his face.

‘Yes you fucking can! You just won’t! I want-

He Tian interrupted, ‘You don’t know what you want!’

Surprising himself as much as He Tian, Mo Guan Shan slapped him, hard, across the face.

He Tian caught his wrist, holding tightly, his expression unreadable, his eyes dark.

Mo Guan Shan tried to take a step back, covering his mouth with his free hand, horrified.

‘Oh my God, He Tian, I am so fucking sorry! I have no idea why I did that.’

There was something hanging in the air between them that might have been anger, and for a fleeting moment, Mo Guan Shan wondered if He Tian was going to hit him back.

‘Yes, you do.’


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

They watched each other for, what felt like, a long time.

He Tian stared at him so intently it was almost uncomfortable. Mo Guan Shan didn’t know what he was looking for, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to find it.

Any further apologies or pleading died on his lips when He Tian stepped forward, running his fingers through Mo Guan Shan’s hair, lowering his head to kiss his neck.

Mo Guan Shan gasped, the sudden release of dopamine, combined with whatever else his brain was throwing at him, made his knees weak.

He Tian wrapped his arm around his waist, taking the few steps to the bed and cradling his head as he lowered him onto his back.

Suddenly self conscious under his gaze, Mo Guan Shan said, ‘I can turn the light off if you don’t want to see the bruises. I know they're ugly.’

He Tian didn’t move.

‘Fuck the bruises, you're perfect.’

He Tian's eyes were red, his face blotchy. His arms shook as he held himself up, his hair dripped cold water onto Mo Guan Shan’s face and neck.

Their tongues moved together, searching each other for something no one else could reach, something they desperately hoped they still had in them. Something light, something like hope.

He Tian dropped down on an elbow, yanking the towel from his waist, hooking his thumb in the elastic of Mo Guan Shan’s pajama pants.

Lifting his hips, he let He Tian pull them down and drop them on the floor next to his shirt.

Afraid to push it, Mo Guan Shan stayed still, looking up at He Tian as he stood, motioning for Mo Guan Shan to position himself normally on the bed and climbing on after him.

Settling between Mo Guan Shan’s thighs, He Tian pressed their hips together, reaching between them to wrap his hand around both of their cocks.

Mo Guan Shan shuddered, wrapping his arms around He Tian’s shoulders, acutely aware of every millimeter of skin that touched.

He Tian tightened his grip, reveling in the way Mo Guan Shan’s back arched, catching the sounds that escaped his lips with his tongue.

Mo Guan Shan untangled himself, reaching for the bedside table. He pushed the bottle of lube into He Tian’s chest.

He Tian stopped, pushing himself back up.

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘You won’t hurt me.’

‘If I’m too rough…’

Mo Guan Shan chose his words carefully, hoping He Tian would understand.

‘There are two kinds of pain, He Tian. You’re not going to hurt me.’

Few things are simple, and that’s one of them.

It might have been more interesting to say that He Tian flipped him over and fucked him like they both wished he would, but that wasn’t the reality of it.

The reality of it was He Tian taking the lube from his hand, liberally coating his fingers and spreading his thighs gently.

Running his hand down his thigh, making his intentions clear, he pressed a finger to his entrance, gentle as a feather.

Mo Guan Shan tilted his hips up, forcing himself to maintain eye contact. If that’s what He Tian needed, he’d give it to him.

He Tian’s fingers were warm and gentle, not a second of pain.

He Tian’s movements were sure and precise as he added a second finger, almost like he’s done this before.

With his free hand, He Tian massaged Mo Guan Shan’s nipple, pinching lightly and watching him squirm when it stiffened.

He bent down, flicking the tip of his tongue over the sensitive flesh before latching on with his lips and sucking gently, ghosting his fingertips over the other.

Mo Guan Shan groaned, combing his fingers through He Tian's hair and propping himself up on an elbow to watch as He Tian moved lower, all the while moving his fingers and and out agonizingly slowly.

Placing open mouthed kisses down his chest, his stomach, grazing a sharp hipbone with his teeth. He watched Mo Guan Shan the entire time.

He Tian’s face was flushed, his pupils dilated, his lips wet and swollen, inches from Mo Guan Shan’s aching cock.

Holding Mo Guan Shan still with a hand on his hip, he took the head of Mo Guan Shan’s cock into his mouth, swiping his tongue along the slit to collect the bead of fluid that had gathered there.

Mo Guan Shan dropped his head back, momentarily concerned he was going to pass out.

‘He Tian, wait…’

In an Instant, He Tian sat up, easing his fingers out and pushing himself away from Mo Guan Shan until they were no longer touching.

The sudden cold and emptiness was jarring and unpleasant. He sat back up to explain himself but the look on He Tian's face was fucking heartbreaking, like he'd just kicked a puppy. Great.

‘I'm so sorry, I-’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head. Amazed at how close he was to cockblocking himself for another fucking month.

‘No, God no, I didn't mean it like that! I just don't want to come yet, and one more second of that... Please, please come back.’

He Tian looked at him for a few long moments, the utter desperation in his eyes, and nodded.

‘Turn over please.’

He complied so enthusiastically that He Tian had to catch him to keep him from overshooting the mark.

Positioning himself behind him, He Tian dropped a soft kiss on his shoulder and sat up.

Mo Guan Shan tried to calm the nervous energy that vibrated his bones as he waited as patiently as he could, only to feel He Tian's fingers again.

‘It's ok, I'm ready, you-’

He Tian shushed him, moving much more purposefully than he had been before. His fingers brushed Mo Guan Shan’s prostate, pulling a sound from him so filthy the neighbors wouldn't look him in the eye for days.

He increased his efforts, hoping to fuck he'd get to hear that again.

Lost to the world, Mo Guan Shan hadn’t realized He Tian had shifted his position behind him until he felt something new alongside his fingers.

The realization that it was He Tian's tongue was unbelievably startling. His body tensed as goosebumps erupted over his skin.

‘He Tian, I haven't… I've never…’

‘It's ok.’ He Tian told him, pulling back. ‘Just relax. Let me make you feel good.’

Mo Guan Shan took a few deep breaths, willing himself to relax around He Tian's fingers. This time, when he felt the slick heat, he was ready for it.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he was embarrassed that He Tian was seeing him like this, but when he carefully spread his fingers and experimentally licked inside him, the embarrassment was gone.

‘He Tian, oh fuck-’

He cut himself off with an obscene moan when He Tian worked his tongue deeper, the soft heat a perfect counterpoint to his cool fingers.

‘Fuck! more, please, oh my fucking god.’

He Tian groaned, pulling back. Before Mo Guan Shan could complain, he pushed him down with a hand between his shoulder blades until his cheek rested on the mattress.

Mo Guan Shan could feel the tremor in He Tian's hands and wished he knew what he was thinking. Wished he could see his face.

‘Does that feel good?’

‘Oh Jesus, yes.’

‘Do you want me to stop?’

Mo Guan Shan shook his head quickly, shivering when he felt He Tian smile against his neck.

He wasn't as gentle this time. Sitting up, He Tian knelt behind him again, wrapping his long fingers around Mo Guan Shan’s thighs, spreading them until the muscles burned and getting right back to it.

Soft teasing licks, gentle probing, prompting Mo Guan Shan to relax before pushing his tongue inside. He moved slowly at first.

‘More.’ Mo Guan Shan choked out.

He Tian groaned, grabbing his hips roughly and yanking him closer. He plunged back in, reaching new depths, fucking Mo Guan Shan with his tongue. Oh, that was so fucking good.

A quick wave of white, hot, pleasure was the only warning he got before tensing up and finishing on the bedspread with a loud sob.

He Tian pulled out, using the grip he had to flip him onto his back, climbing back on top of him and kissing him deeply, careful to avoid his nose. Mo Guan Shan could taste himself on He Tian’s tongue.

He’d never wanted to be fucked so badly in his God damned life. He wanted to wrap his legs around He Tian’s waist, grab his cock, and pull him inside, he was more than ready.

He wanted to tell He Tian to just fuck him already, a line that would work on LITERALLY anyone else. But He Tian wasn’t anyone else, was he? He’d already reworked his approach to these things, there was no reason to think this would be different.

‘Make love to me, He Tian. Please.’

The words caught in his throat, his voice breaking on the other man’s name.

Making love had always been an abstract concept, something that happened in romance novels, a way for the more obnoxious people to avoid using The F Word.

That’s the thing about love. Sometimes it’s once a month in missionary position, sometimes it’s twice a day from behind, Sweet and slow, rough and intense, fast and desperate.sometimes it’s kind and gentle, sometimes it makes you scream. He wanted all of it from He Tian.

As cliche as it was, he was beginning to understand. If you want it, and they want it, and everyone comes and no one hates each other in the end, you’ve made love. Deal with it.

There was a familiar moment of hesitation.

‘Please.’

Finally. Fucking FINALLY, He Tian nodded, reaching for the lube again. He poured some into his palm, reaching down to prepare himself and lining up with Mo Guan Shan.

‘Promise me you’re ready for this.’

‘I promise.’

Cradling Mo Guan Shan’s head with his hand, he pressed the head of his cock to his entrance, holding himself up on one shaking arm.

Together, they breathed deeply, anticipating what was to come next. Drawing out the moment.

Without warning, He Tian took a fistful of Mo Guan Shan’s hair and yanked his head back, using the moment of surprise to push into him in one fluid motion, taking advantage of his relaxed state, cutting out the part when he would inevitably tense up while trying to ease him in slowly. It was a good move.

He Tian released his hair, keeping still while Mo Guan Shan adjusted, his breathing quick and shallow now.

‘I’m ready.’ Mo Guan Shan whispered.

Carefully, He Tian began to move, pulling out an inch and pushing back in. It was careful and thoughtful and not nearly enough.

Mo Guan Shan snapped his hips up, meeting He Tian’s thrusts with his own. He Tian froze, sitting up on his knees and holding him still, continuing to roll his hips slowly.

‘Patience, kitten.’

Mo Guan Shan felt himself flush, biting his lower lip as He Tian pulled out farther, pushed in faster, keeping it painfully slow for several minutes that felt like several days.

‘Harder.’ Mo Guan Shan’s voice was soft and pleading.

He Tian complied, thrusting just the tiniest bit harder. It was so, so, close to what Mo Guan Shan needed it made him want to scream.

With difficulty, he propped himself up on his elbows.

‘He Tian, harder.’

He Tian made a noise low in his throat, his eyes dark. His expression clearly read - you asked for it - as he pulled out.

‘Get your hands and knees.’

Mo Guan Shan bit back a smile, repositioning himself.

He Tian was behind him again, running a hand along his ribs and down his arm. Grabbing his wrist, he placed Mo Guan Shan’s hand on the baseboard, prompting him to brace himself and sliding back inside him, more roughly this time.

Mo Guan Shan gasped, dropping his head. He Tian bent down, covering Mo Guan Shan’s body with his own and whispering in his ear.

‘Hard enough?’

‘Not even close.’

Another, harder, thrust.

‘How’s that?’

Mo Guan Shan looked over his shoulder.

‘For fuck’s sake. Fuck. Me. Harder.’ The line worked this time.

He Tian huffed out a small laugh, placing his hand next to Mo Guan Shan’s on the headboard, pulling out slowly and slamming back into him.When Mo Guan Shan cried out, He Tian growled, deep and animal. He set a brutal pace.

Covering Mo Guan Shan’s mouth with his hand, he angled his hips to hit his prostate on every thrust. He didn’t realize his cheeks were wet with tears until He Tian slowed, removing his hand and asking him if he was alright.

Mo Guan Shan nodded.

‘Yes. God, yes. Please don’t stop.’

He didn’t.

It was overwhelming, and intense. It felt so fucking good, so fucking perfect.

This is what it’s supposed to feel like and everything that had led to this, everything that had happened to put him here, in this moment, with this man, was worth it.

He Tian pushed all the way in and staying there, grinding into him keeping unrelenting pressure on his prostate, reaching under him to wrap cool fingers around his cock. It only took a few, quick, pumps before he came, his cry muffled by He Tian’s hand.

When he started to move again, the thrusts were fast and shallow. Mo Guan Shan reached up and pried He Tian’s hand off his mouth.

‘I love you.’ his voice was hoarse and broken.

With that, He Tian came. Which, honestly, is the sweetest fucking thing he’d ever heard of.

He Tian pulled out slowly, grabbing his towel from the floor and cleaning Mo Guan Shan the best he could before turning him around by the shoulders.

Cupping Mo Guan Shan’s face in his hands, wiping the tears from his cheeks, he kissed him gently.

‘I love you too.’


	56. Chapter 56

Zhengxi got home around two and found Jian Yi curled up in bed. He shed his uniform and joined him, pulling the covers over them both, wrapping his arms around his waist and curling around him.

‘I know you think I’m being stupid.’ Came Jian Yi’s voice, muffled by the comforter.

Zhengxi closed his eyes. ‘You’re not being stupid.’

‘This is all my fault.’ He sounded as tired Zhengxi felt.

Zhenxi considered telling him about his conversation with He Tian that had probably made things worse but, because he’s an asshole, decided it could wait.

‘It’s not your fault, baby. I think all four of us can shoulder some of the blame for this one.

‘I don’t want to fight with him like this. I don’t want him to hate me.’ Jian Yi’s voice broke on hate, Zhengxi’s at the sadness in his voice.

‘He doesn’t hate you, Jian Yi, he’s just an idiot.’

‘How do I fix this?’

Zhengxi thought for a few moments, pulling away a bit to rub Jian Yi’s shoulder, pushing him gently onto his stomach for better access.

‘I have a plan. Let’s get some sleep and I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.’

Jian Yi nodded, relaxing into the mattress as Zhengxi massaged away the tension.

When he drifted off, Zhengxi carefully got off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. He started the shower and undressed, a dull ache in his chest.

All he wanted, all he EVER wanted, was to make Jian Yi happy. To make him feel safe, and secure, and loved because no one deserved it more.

He hadn’t been doing great recently.

Jian Yi was hurting more than he’d ever let on and Zhengxi was more to blame than anyone.

Jian Yi HATED this cop thing more than the people around them knew. It’d been nearly a year and he’d never fully forgiven him for it. He probably never would.

They’d stayed together, obviously, but it was touch and go there for awhile. Jian Yi eventually let him come home, but things had changed. It was nearly imperceptible, and if he hadn’t known him for so long he might not have noticed.

He was colder, more distant, if only by a few degrees, a few inches. It’s a self preservation thing, and while Zhengxi understood, it hurt like hell.

Jian Yi didn’t want to see He Tian go through what he did. He didn’t want to see him eaten alive by worry and fear for someone prone to stupid, dangerous, behavior.

And who can blame him? That’s a terrible way to live, and He Tian wouldn’t handle it the way he did, of that wasn’t clear by now.

Zhengxi’s first day on the force hadn’t been one of his best. When he woke up he found Jian Yi in the kitchen, making coffee and avoiding eye contact.

Out of habit, he’d wrapped his arms around him, kissing him on the side of the neck. Jian Yi had stiffened like Zhengxi’d run him through with 50,000 volts. He stepped back, feeling sick.

Sick, and weak, and selfish. How many times had he said he’d hurt anyone that hurt Jian Yi? How many times had he promised to protect him? Did he have to kick his own ass now? He Tian would probably do it, he was almost as mad as Jian Yi.

It stayed that way for awhile, tense and painful, but things can only stay that was for so long. Eventually, Jian Yi seemed to relax. Well… maybe not relax, so much as accept it. He would still bring it up sometimes, but always as a forced joke or passive aggressive comment, and rarely when they were alone.

It would be a lie to say ‘it hadn’t all been bad,’ but it had been interesting. A few months into the job, Jian Yi had started acting weird again. He avoided him in the morning, turned down offers to get lunch mid-shift.

Zhengxi had thought they were past that so, needles to say, it was distressing. After a long day and an uneventful evening at The Wolf, Zhengxi drove them home. He let them into the apartment without a word. Following Jian Yi to the bedroom, he sat on the edge of the mattress and said, ‘Jian Yi, come sit with me.’

‘Don’t you want to change first?’ Jian Yi asked, his back to Zhengxi.

‘No, I’ll change when I shower. I want to talk to you.’

Jian Yi didn’t respond, continuing to rifle through his clothes. Zhengxi stood, approaching him slowly, knowing Jian Yi could see him in his peripheral vision, and trapped him between his body and the dresser he’d been pawing through.

‘If you’re going to ignore me, I could call He Tian and we can play Good Cop, Bad Cop.’ He leaned in, speaking into Jian Yi’s ear.

‘Or I could just cuff you to the bed and make you talk.’

He’d been trying to get Jian Yi to laugh, or get angry, any reaction would be better than another night of this. Lucky him, it worked.

Mo Guan Shan dropped his head, groaning softly, and relaxed against him, just the tiniest bit.

Oh, hell.

His instinct was to shove Jian Yi on the bed and do that second thing, but thought better of it. Instead, he turned him around slowly, hands on his shoulders.

‘Baby, tell me what’s going on. Please.’

Jian Yi looked everywhere but at Zhengxi. They stood in silence for a few long moments. Eventually, he mumbled, ‘I like the way you look.’

‘…Thank you. How is that a problem?’ Zhengxi asked, confused.

Taking a deep breath, Jian Yi said, ‘In your stupid fucking uniform.’

‘You like the way I look in…oh.’

‘Yeah. Oh.’ Jian Yi said bitterly.

Zhengxi gently led him to the bed, sitting him down on the mattress and kneeling in front of him.

‘Is that what this is about?’

Jian Yi nodded, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Zhengxi desperately fought back a smile.

‘Jian Yi, that’s nothing. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s perfectly normal.’

‘I feel like that’s me condoning this. Like you’re going to think I’m ok with it.’

‘Baby, you were calling me Daddy not 48 hours ago and that doesn’t mean you condone incest.’

When Jian Yi didn’t respond, Zhengxi continued.

‘What we have, the sex we have, the things we do, they’re beautiful. They’re beautiful and I remember each and every second. But that’s sex, not life. I’ll keep this uniform on and do filthy, depraved, things to you and never expect you to be ok with this?’

‘Yeah?’ Jian Yi had asked, clearly skeptical.

‘Yeah.’

‘And you won’t use it against me?’

‘Of course not.’

Zhengxi nodded, pushing Jian Yi’s hair behind his ear.

‘I worry about you every moment you spend at work, but I still want to play doctor.’

-

While he tried to block it out. Zhengxi often found himself wondering what was going to happen with the two of them.

He loved Jian Yi more than the stars and the space between them.

Deeper than the lowest point at bottom of the ocean, blind and dark and cold.

He loved him so fiercely it frightened him at times and he wondered if it was healthy.

All he knew- all he’d known- all he’d needed to know- was that Jian Yi had felt the same, loved him the same.

But some days the fire in his eyes flickered like a candle flame and it felt like a knife to the heart, like his heart was armor plated and hammering against his ribcage, steadily chipping away at the bones.

It hurt to think about. After so, so, many bad nights, the tears came too easily, he hardly noticed t

He loved playing cowboy with Jian Yi. Kicking down doors, busting the bad guys, helping people. It felt good. It felt heroic and real, and sometimes Jian Yi was even happy.

Not anymore. Things were changing and it scared him to death.

He needed to get his shit together

He needed to fix this.

He needed a plan.


	57. Chapter 57

‘How long are you going to keep this up?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, rolling into his side to look at He Tian in the low light.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know what I mean. This petty shit with Jian Yi and Zhengxi. The longer it goes on the worse it’s going to get.’

‘I’m not going to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness, if that’s what you’re suggesting.’

Mo Guan Shan sighed, sitting up to look down at him. It’d been four days since the three of them fought and, as far as Mo Guan Shan knew, He Tian hadn’t talked to either of them. He’d been splitting his time between work and home in a progressively shitty mood.

Needless to say, it was getting tiresome. His headaches were getting worse and his face had kept him at the apartment. He was too embarrassed to go to the club like this and walking down the street with two black eyes draws the kind of attention he didn’t want. He was feeling cooped up and frustrated and trying very hard not to let it show.

‘Obviously that’s not what I’m suggesting.’ Mo Guan Shan said, turning away, pushing himself off the bed, and heading for the bathroom.

He Tian followed, looking at him in the mirror.

‘Then what do you propose I do, Mo Guan Shan?’

‘Apologize, just like Jian Yi did. Apologize, accept their apologies and move the fuck on because this is getting stupid.’

‘No. I don’t care. I don’t need them.’

‘It’s not about needing them.’

‘That’s EXACTLY what it’s about.’

Mo Guan Shan held his hands up in surrender. He was way, way, too tired for this shit

‘Yes. Fine. Sure. Whatever you say.’

He Tian made a frustrated sound, clenching his teeth and balling his hands into fists at his sides.

‘It’s so easy for you to forgive them because you don’t know them like I do, and you don’t know what they said.’

Mo Guan Shan turned to look at him.

‘I don’t need to know them like you do and I don’t need to know what they said because I know how easy it is to lose your temper and say stupid shit. I can forgive that because I’m an adult and don’t want to spend my time dwelling on this shit when I have more important things to focus on.’

Mo Guan Shan watched him in silence as he groped for words.

‘You just… don’t understand.’

‘And, at the moment, I’m fine with that. I’m going to take a shower, we can talk after.’

He Tian snagged Mo Guan Shan’s wrist as he tried to walk around him.

‘God DAMN IT, Mo Guan Shan-‘

His voice came out much louder that he’d been expecting and the grip on his wrist was just a little bit too tight for comfort. 

Whoa.

Mo Guan Shan bristled. His first instinct was to recoil. His chest tightened painfully and he squeezed his eyes shut.

He was hit with wave of disgust, of awful memories that turned his stomach. Hands holding him too tightly and voices too loud in a small space. The fear, the pain, the weakness, the bone deep exhaustion.

Deep breath.

He wasn’t going to freak out.

He was going to end this conversation, take a pill, maybe two, and get in the shower.

He Tian wasn’t going to hurt him, he knew that, but it didn’t stop the anger from welling up in him.

Seriously, what a dick move.

Mo Guan Shan whipped around, twisting his wrist and knocking He Tian’s hand away as he yanked his arm back.

‘Are you fucking kidding me? Are you FUCKING kidding me?!’

He Tian was frozen, confused, as Mo Guan Shan continued.

‘Don’t raise your fucking voice at me, He Tian. Don’t fucking touch me like that, are you out of your damn mind?’

He’d just told He Tian that he understood losing your temper and acting without thinking and knew he would forgive him, that he’d already forgiven him.

‘Mo Guan Shan, oh my God. I am so sorry, I-‘

But that didn’t make it hurt less or feel less like a betrayal of trust. In other words: fuck him.

‘You wouldn’t fuck me, you wouldn’t touch me, you wouldn’t even kiss me because you thought it would be too much, right? Because you thought I wasn’t ready?’

‘Mo Guan Shan-‘

‘Answer the question.’

‘…yes.’

‘You wouldn’t do those things, the things I begged for, the things I wanted so badly, but you get mad and THAT’S your reflex? What the fuck, He Tian.’

‘Fuck. Please…’

‘Please what?’

‘I didn’t mean to do that, I swear, I…’

Mo Guan Shan watched him, clearly horrified with himself, clearly desperate to fix this.

When Mo Guan Shan didn’t respond or react, he continued.

‘What can I do? How do I fix this? Fuck, I don’t know what to say.’

He Tian shifted his weight from his right to left leg, wringing his shaking hands in an effort to not reach out for Mo Guan Shan.

‘How about you get on your knees.’ Mo Guan Shan suggested, hoping to come across indifferent but hearing the slight tremor in his voice.

He Tian’s draw dropped, his face coloring.

‘Oh… um… what?’ He sputtered, satisfyingly flustered.

‘Get on your knees and beg me for forgiveness.’ Mo Guan Shan told him, more confident this time, emboldened by He Tian’s reaction.

‘Get on your knees and beg me for forgiveness.’

‘I… can’t tell if you’re kidding.’ He Tian said.

‘Not at all.’

‘You want me to…’

‘I want you to get on your fucking knees and apologize to me for what you just did.’

He Tian looked away, clearly embarrassed, but sank to his knees one at a time, took a deep breath, and looked up at Mo Guan Shan.

This was new.

Mo Guan Shan has been in that position too many times for too many reasons and remembered how weak it made him feel.

Maybe this was cruel, maybe it was an object lesson, but it felt damn good, like proof that he wasn’t going to be there again. He felt and fought the urge to thank He Tian, there was plenty of time for that later.

He focused on He Tian, watching as he tried to prepare himself and waiting for him to speak.

‘That was awful of me. I am so sorry, Mo Guan Shan. I swear to god it will never do anything like that ever again. You can call Zhan Zhengxi right now and he will come beat me to death.’

Mo Guan Shan looked down at him, trying to keep his face blank.

‘I know I don’t deserve it, but please, please, please forgive me. Let me make this up to you.’

‘How will you do that?’

‘I will do anything. Anything you want.’

‘Anything?’

‘Anything.’

Mo Guan Shan reached down, touching his cheek gently and watching He Tian’s eyes flutter closed as he carefully covered Mo Guan Shan’s hand with his own.

‘Go talk to Jian Yi.’

He Tian’s eyes snapped open.

‘What?’

‘You said anything, that’s what I choose.’

‘I honestly can’t tell if you’re being serious.’

‘Completely.’


End file.
